Random message saying DH affair

[basilbush]

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

When you were at the baby shower, is there any online social media posts stating you were there? If it’s someone trying to play games with you, they may of just looked up posts you are tagged in online and took a chance that your husband was not with you at that time.
from what you have said so far it does sound like someone trying to cause trouble.

I found out about my ex husband cheating from a random text from a stranger, but it was very different to your situation, the way she told me was very kind and in her messages she kept apologising for telling me through a message.
It turned out it was actually a friend of the woman he cheated with, she told me because she felt bad for me and my children knowing what was going on (the other woman was my ‘best friend’ at the time.

It does sound a bit made up OP, I agree with you.

And even if it were true, it’s coming from a place of malice, not sympathy from you.

And the maliciousness of it just adds weight to it being untrue.

This guy who doesn’t have time to cheat could . Meet at work/lunch /before work / after work (yes on the one day he goes to work )
He could be training with this women at the gym .
He could be training half the time and the rest in the car park with other women .
He could be meeting her when he does the weekly shop or when he bumps into her with the kids by mistake at a cafe.
He is working away ( plenty time to cheat ) possibly this is the affair escalating and him more confident In not being caught.
He could have told his parents he was nipping away for half an hour to the bank for example.

The list really goes on.
I knew someone who did a lot of the above and many others .
OP anyone is capable especially the ones we believe not to be.
If actulay ask for your dh phone and ask for his Car key.

Also @basilbush when did dh start going to the gym?

Yes it could but why? If it was for money then money would have been mentioned long ago. It makes no sense for it to be a scam. It might be malicious but to have sent 4 messages including specific details is a lot of effort for someone to bother going to. Why are they motivated to do it?

That’s awful OP. I had similar which was a malicious letter through the post. Absolutely full oh holes, my automatic gut feeling was it was a hoax and turned out it was sent by someone my DH had fired for malpractice.

when you speak to your DH, have a think about anyone that might want to hurt him.

I'm invested please let us no. And hopefully this is a happy ending and just some sour faced person lying

I’d ask for more proof or evidence

like dates and times etc
as screen shots mean nothing

Personally I’d ask the in-laws
they should underhand your just checking and be ok to confirm he was with them
if you were my dil id totally understand and want to support you

I understand the messages sound like rubbish, but the fact is one of you has made an enemy that is now trying to blow yours and your children’s lives apart. Have you started working out who is doing that? It’s someone close if they no where you have been with the baby shower

This is a new kind of SCAM.
Seriously, just Google, "Scam sending message claiming partner having an affair."
Don't get scammed, ignore.

I'm with you i would feel it's utter made up nonsense

@basilbush - the way this person is not actually telling you anything solid suggests they don’t actually have anything to tell. Their lack of compassion makes it personal /grudge based.

My money is on a scam based on your social posts or someone he or you have annoyed (rightly or wrongly) or someone jealous of your relationship. Someone you’re friends with on social. Someone in your friendship group - who you recently told you about your happy marriage (specific words they used in that first message). Maybe even someone at that baby shower. Was there anyone there who is off with you/ seems jealous? Are you tempted to set a trap like Colleen Rooney?!

I probably wouldn’t mention it to my OH just yet. From bitter experience I know how cheaters manage to squeeze time to chat to or meet up with someone else.

Although I suppose if you do, and there is absolute silence from the messager or they carry on but don’t mention about you asking him, then you almost definitely know it’s all 🐂 💩. Because I’m sure if he was guilty he would be furious with her and tell her that.

Good luck. 💐

What about the person knowing where OP was when she went to a baby shower? There must be a person behind it

This is an interesting point actually - @basilbush did you put your attendance to the baby shower on social media? It’ll be easy to find if so, and potentially your DHs name. Unless they have more intimate information I would suspect this to be the case.

As I’ve just said, post it on socials along with DH’s name or link to his Instagram on another post and you’ve got the old photo, name and social dates.

There’s still a person and an intention behind it. Not saying he’s having an affair, but it doesn’t seem smart to just pretend it’s not happened. They aren’t asking for money

Sounds like a spiteful person out to break up your marriage.

Agree this could be the case.

@basilbush if they send you any links to click on to see proof, obviously don’t click.

And if they ask for money to see more proof then you know for sure.

Not yet they aren’t.

Edited because link doesn’t work when posted here, but there is info on Google

Gosh I’ve just googled this scam. It really does sound likely, especially as none of the screenshot messages sound like anything your husband would write!

The reply that you’ve received is not proof, it’s stirring.

I would go Ninja and look for evidence. If you say you have received this he will start to hid things.
I have an ExH who had an affair the second guessing and gaslighting nearly destroyed me.

This is the main point that would bother me. Even if DH isn't having an affair, someone is going around trying to destroy your relationship.

I'd be trying to find out who that is sooner rather than later.

As others have said, they know you were at a baby shower. It's taken a few hours for them to send a follow up email, so have they been trawling social media looking for something to then use in a follow up text to convince you?

How locked down is your social media? Log out of everything then google your name + facebook or instagram and see if you can see anything, or do it from a different computer or browser. If you can see things, it could be anyone that knows your name. If you can't, then it's potentially someone you know.

Some people think it's funny to upset someone else's marriage.

@basilbush - this must be so horrible for you - two nasty options - either your dh is having an affair (the ‘proof’ sounds utterly unbelievable, thankfully), or someone dislikes you and/or your dh enough to want to do such nasty shit-stirring. You have all my sympathy.