Page 17 | Random message saying DH affair

basilbush · 2025-05-30T10:29:07+00:00

Hoping for some advice here Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception). I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of). So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy. i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity. He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that. Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him. And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year. sorry, this was long and rambling!

Newusername321567 · 30/05/2025 14:47

ThatCyanCat · 30/05/2025 14:34

Yes but why use a pic of yourself on the burner phone account? The whole point of the phone is that it doesn't look connected to you. You'd have to be really thick to go as far as getting a burner phone and then plaster your face on it. Even if OW doesn't know you're married and you're trying to hide it from her, you'd still just use some generic pic because the whole point is to be deniable.

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I don’t spend my life guessing numbers and adding them to WhatsApp, to look at the photos.

and some people can be that thick yes. Have you not seen Dr Foster? The dude loved a selfie with his other woman. I bet damn sure he had a blazen WhatsApp PP on his burner. Some people really are that foolish 😂

ZoggyStirdust · 30/05/2025 14:48

chachahide · 30/05/2025 14:45

That's very specific though... so not a bot, or random scam artist sat in India... so at least you can rule that out. It's someone that knows him.

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Unless they’ve identified from her social media that’s where she was and are fishing.

the more likely cause now does seem to be someone targeting you, faking “evidence” badly, and trying to get to you. They’ve given the game away with the baby shower reference (they know you, know you were there but don’t know your husband was with parents and don’t know how he communicates)

MyKingdomForACat · 30/05/2025 14:49

Stopitbella · 30/05/2025 12:31

I had this about 8 years ago.

Do you have anyone who could possibly dislike you and wants to cause trouble?

I am quite a detached person and if dh was having an affair, I wouldn’t actually give a shit, he can leave anytime he likes (my first husband left me for a work colleague, I was pissed off that they went behind my back for 3 months, not that he left me for her, life’s short and they are happy together and we all get on well as there was a child involved).

Anyway, so I got a text saying he was having an affair at work. So I called him right away and asked him if he was (wild, I know), and he denied it. And to be fair, I believed him as me being me, if he wanted to leave, he could, I can’t be arsed crying over relationships. Also, he never really went anywhere and looks like a pug.

Long story short, it turned out it was SIL, on a burner phone. She doesn’t like me and wanted to hurt me and cause me stress.

It didn’t work. I replied to the message with, “that’s nice, I hope they will be happy together if he decides to leave.” She actually gave herself away in the end as my reply, and lack of any fucks, sent her into a complete rage.

(I know that all makes me sound fucking batshit, but I’ve been through a lot in life, so can’t stress over what some man wants to do with his dick).

Love this ❤️

Jollyhockeystickss · 30/05/2025 14:49

Im sorry i think hes guilty, please dont ask him you need to be checking his phone, you also need to check the contacts on his phone and wattsapp for her number, he could have another phone maybe he met her at the gym, he can leave his phone in his car in the gym car park and she can pick him up from there, so it would say hes at the gym! Also check his paypal and bank account, please dont ask him to make this go away as you will never find out the truth then, and who takes their kids to the park in the rain unless he met her there with the kids, i would also check his socials to see who is liking his posts

Delphigirl · 30/05/2025 14:49

This is a woman who doesn't like you and is trying to cause trouble.
The worrying thing is that it could actually be a 'friend' of yours. Nasty.
I agree that it sounds like bollocks from what you've said.

Cavello · 30/05/2025 14:49

AzureShark · 30/05/2025 14:39

Try asking (DHs name) what he was doing while you were at (friends name)’s baby shower the other month.

Ahhh. It's YOU, not him. Someone you know...possibly at the shower or someone who knew you were there. If it was an actual affair partner, she wouldn't know your friends name surely?

Add this to the spite of the first message saying you were naiive to think you had a happy marriage...you've pissed someone off, I reckon. And they've heard you saying something nice and gushy about your dh or similar. The green monster with a hint of psycho.

Who have you mentioned your dh to in the last few months op? I'd look very closely at the shower attendees to start off.

This is an interesting perspective, and would be worth exploring.

Will be thinking of you OP and hope the talk with your DH goes well.

Slalomsfathoms · 30/05/2025 14:50

Do you think this could be just someone being malicious trying to cause trouble for you?

MoominUnderWater · 30/05/2025 14:50

I’d actually reply back and say you don’t believe them, that you know he was at his parents the afternoon of the baby shower.

ExercicenformedeZ · 30/05/2025 14:51

Slatterndisgrace · 30/05/2025 14:46

Me too, unfortunately. In fact, during the past few years I’ve discovered just how utterly cruel some people can be. Very strange.

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Exactly, and not only men, either. This site seems to think that all men are devils and that all women are angels, which is why OP is getting these 'never ever trust a man, even if you know him' responses.

ZoggyStirdust · 30/05/2025 14:51

Jollyhockeystickss · 30/05/2025 14:49

Im sorry i think hes guilty, please dont ask him you need to be checking his phone, you also need to check the contacts on his phone and wattsapp for her number, he could have another phone maybe he met her at the gym, he can leave his phone in his car in the gym car park and she can pick him up from there, so it would say hes at the gym! Also check his paypal and bank account, please dont ask him to make this go away as you will never find out the truth then, and who takes their kids to the park in the rain unless he met her there with the kids, i would also check his socials to see who is liking his posts

I think he’s incredibly unlikely to be guilty based on no evidence (or poorly forged evidence), and the op feeling very strongly he’s not.

Newbie1011 · 30/05/2025 14:52

This is so bizarre OP. I don’t think it sounds genuine , I think someone has got it in for you personally (rather than this being someone your DH has knocked back etc). Can you think of anyone like that? Especially someone who would have known about the baby shower?

CiaoMeow · 30/05/2025 14:52

It does sound like prank from what you've said.

JustMyView13 · 30/05/2025 14:53

That latest message is creepy. They at the very least know about your life. Is your Facebook profile secure, or can it be seen by others? And did someone tag you in it?

Pretty curious to see how this one lands. Hoping for the best OP, but keeping an open mind based on your posts.

newmumabouttown · 30/05/2025 14:54

This is MAD. So it sounds like it could be someone you know who is being malicious given the baby shower details. Or, if that was somehow shared online, they’ve found your husbands profile (maybe an old photo from there they’re using? Check if it matches an old Facebook profile photo?) and they’re then trying to build up to a scam. Horrible, but I sense your gut is right and your DH can offer some support.

Odiebay · 30/05/2025 14:55

Even if this is true the way this person is doing this is downright nasty.

Slatterndisgrace · 30/05/2025 14:55

ExercicenformedeZ · 30/05/2025 14:51

Exactly, and not only men, either. This site seems to think that all men are devils and that all women are angels, which is why OP is getting these 'never ever trust a man, even if you know him' responses.

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Oh yes, definitely both women and men can be equally, calculatingly cruel. World seems to have taken a very weird turn these past few years.

GarlicMile · 30/05/2025 14:56

user9578 · 30/05/2025 14:18

I'd say the last message rules out scammer. And far more likely to either be a) true or b) someone with a grudge.

... or the OW is being catfished by somebody using DH's identity. If she'd tried to verify her online lover's existence by searching social media, she could have found OP and posts placing her at the baby shower, etc.

Sooner or later, her pretend boyfriend needs a loan so he can get away from his problem marriage. Yes, utterly crazy idea. Yet it does happen! (We live in a bloody weird world now.)

newmumabouttown · 30/05/2025 14:57

Jollyhockeystickss · 30/05/2025 14:49

Im sorry i think hes guilty, please dont ask him you need to be checking his phone, you also need to check the contacts on his phone and wattsapp for her number, he could have another phone maybe he met her at the gym, he can leave his phone in his car in the gym car park and she can pick him up from there, so it would say hes at the gym! Also check his paypal and bank account, please dont ask him to make this go away as you will never find out the truth then, and who takes their kids to the park in the rain unless he met her there with the kids, i would also check his socials to see who is liking his posts

Hmmmm a bit of a stretch based on information we have

Slatterndisgrace · 30/05/2025 14:57

MoominUnderWater · 30/05/2025 14:50

I’d actually reply back and say you don’t believe them, that you know he was at his parents the afternoon of the baby shower.

I agree with the OP in not giving this troll/vampire any more energy.

ExercicenformedeZ · 30/05/2025 14:58

GarlicMile · 30/05/2025 14:56

... or the OW is being catfished by somebody using DH's identity. If she'd tried to verify her online lover's existence by searching social media, she could have found OP and posts placing her at the baby shower, etc.

Sooner or later, her pretend boyfriend needs a loan so he can get away from his problem marriage. Yes, utterly crazy idea. Yet it does happen! (We live in a bloody weird world now.)

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OMG you might actually be onto something with that one! That sounds pretty likely, actually.

Luckycatlady · 30/05/2025 15:01

Hey -
sorry you are going through this

could you ask him to check if he has the number in his phone in real time?
so say - ‘a number called me today, I tried to ring it back but they did not pick up, I wonder if its a family/friend’ and he will gladly oblige I am sure. If he rings the number and it comes up on his phone as ‘sarah the mistress’ - his face will say it all?

GarlicMile · 30/05/2025 15:01

ExercicenformedeZ · 30/05/2025 14:51

Exactly, and not only men, either. This site seems to think that all men are devils and that all women are angels, which is why OP is getting these 'never ever trust a man, even if you know him' responses.

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Yes, eight million women all thinking with one mind, speaking with one voice 🙄

PiggyPigalle · 30/05/2025 15:02

user9578 · 30/05/2025 14:21

Doesn't sound like something kids would do, at all.

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It doesn't now since the last post, by kids, I meant teens, but people do strange things, with nothing more to gain than power.

I definitely wouldn't mention his tattoo. I would be more inclined to ask him about his time, while you were at the baby shower.

I'd sit on the messages for a bit, now you know the occasion, something or someone may spring to mind. A person who couldn't attend, someone left early, or anyone in conversation asking too many questions.

Baby shower could be a red herring. That may be the only occasion the person knows for sure you were apart from him, either because they were also there or knows you were.

Some threads are so obvious as to what's going on, while the poster is oblivious.
This definitely isn't one of them. Fingers crossed for you OP.

Kubricklayer · 30/05/2025 15:02

Slatterndisgrace · 30/05/2025 14:55

Oh yes, definitely both women and men can be equally, calculatingly cruel. World seems to have taken a very weird turn these past few years.

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OP: I have a feeling my DH is having an affair
MN: Trust your instincts!

OP: Someone has accused my DH of having an affair. My gut says it's not true.
MN: Fuck your instincts, LTB!!!

commonsense61 · 30/05/2025 15:03

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