Random message saying DH affair

[basilbush]

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

Really? Only a select few idiots change their language like as it's the weakest 'get out of jail card'? And to remember to keep up the charade of different language every time? When a simple sighting or change in behaviour would reveal the deception.

It's the equivalent of a kidnapper using a fake accent when face timing the victims family for ransom whilst wearing no balaclava.

That can't be me honey, they have a sort of irish accent, I have a Bristol accent!

Sounds really odd if you say his behaviour hasn't really changed and he doesn't go out a lot. I also wonder where they got your number from.

If you do reply and they don't reply back then just keep it in the back of your head and look out for any opportunity where he goes out.

I would search for the profile photo they've used for him using reverse image search like Google Lens. Then if it's from e.g. his work company's website it might be someone from work or if it's from an Instagram account it might be someone in his friends list. Although would narrow it down if it was from a private social media profile.

It does all sound a bit fishy - the messages sent this morning in weird text speak. It's definitely possible to create fake Whatsapp contacts and create a conversation between them if you have two sims or a willing friend

It doesn't sound like an OW, though, does it?

I really hope this isn't true good luck OP

Yes but why use a pic of yourself on the burner phone account? The whole point of the phone is that it doesn't look connected to you. You'd have to be really thick to go as far as getting a burner phone and then plaster your face on it. Even if OW doesn't know you're married and you're trying to hide it from her, you'd still just use some generic pic because the whole point is to be deniable.

Wow. How unsettling for you, OP. In my experience, I know people nasty enough to do something like this. Hope this is the end of it for you, whatever they’re playing at.

Someones got it in for you or your husband, have you pissed anyone off, has someone tried it on with him and he has knocked them back? You and your husband need to face this together, hope you get to the bottom of it, but does sound like someone is making it up

Must be someone who knows you and/or DH pretty well. I hope you figure out who it is. They could have caused some major issues if you didn't trust your DH.

This is so weird. If it’s bollocks that’s obviously good in one way but also very unsettling that someone would go to these lengths to make trouble for you. Could someone he works with have some sort of weird obsession with him?
When you bring it up with him you need to be calm and non accusatorial. But ask him if he has any idea who’d want to do this and why. It doesn’t mean he’s been unfaithful but there could be things going on that you don’t know about.

Tell him you got the message and see what response you get

I think I would ask for older messages between them - if the person did meet your DH when you were at the baby shower then they should have messages from that time if it was true. They don’t sound the type to delete them because they sounds spiteful and vengeful.
Its very convenient the messages were all from this morning.

If it isn’t true it has to be somebody who has your number, knows you went to the baby shower and knows your husband is currently at a conference - is ALL of that info on social media? If not, then it’s someone close to home, and as others have said the language sounds very teenage - so I would be thinking of all of the teenagers close to you first that might have a reason to do it, even thinking about the types that may play stupid pranks.

I think it does!

The "ask him where he was...." is very taunting.

I wouldn’t send any of this.

Yes but it sounds like someone on the wind up more than someone with any actual knowledge.

Try asking (DHs name) what he was doing while you were at (friends name)’s baby shower the other month.

Ahhh. It's YOU, not him. Someone you know...possibly at the shower or someone who knew you were there. If it was an actual affair partner, she wouldn't know your friends name surely?

Add this to the spite of the first message saying you were naiive to think you had a happy marriage...you've pissed someone off, I reckon. And they've heard you saying something nice and gushy about your dh or similar. The green monster with a hint of psycho.

Who have you mentioned your dh to in the last few months op? I'd look very closely at the shower attendees to start off.

Trust your instincts - not every husband is an asshole and this random anonymous WhatsApp person comes across as very very untrustworthy. Is you’re friend’s event public on any social media or anything. I would obviously bring it up with your husband but more in the “wow this is weird - someone is clearly out to cause some damage - let’s work out who” way.

I think I would reply saying ‘yes I know exactly where he was whilst I was at the baby shower thank you.’
If they are bluffing then there’s nothing they can really come back with. If he has somehow lied then it leaves it open for them to tell you.
As confident as you may be in your DH, I wouldn’t block this person or tip off your DH until you know exactly what’s going on with all this.

Do you have teenage children? Or a teenage babysitter?
The wording in the messages is so young sounding I can’t believe it would be an adult.

I'm not irritated quite the opposite.

When there is clear and strong signs of cheating MNers will point this out and this helps OP realise what the likely truth is.

If a poster said actually I think the used condoms in DH pockets, the late nights away, the lack of interest in sex, and calling out 'Sarah' in his sleep are red herrings and your DH isn't cheating just tired, posters would ridicule this 'possible explanation' and say it's complete unhelpful.

In OP's case the evidence is strongly weighed towards DH being innocent and the 'truth' being someone is maliciously trying to hurt and disrupt her relationship. I believe your repeatedly pointing out the least likely possibility as a strong possibility is unhelpful and pointing this out will help validate OP's reasoning, because this is overwhemlimingly the likely truth.

You say women deny what's in front of them and it's true because you seem to be entirely focussing on the worst case scenario when the evidence up to now is to the contrary.

That's very specific though... so not a bot, or random scam artist sat in India... so at least you can rule that out. It's someone that knows him.

Ugh, what a mess!

It sounds very unlikely that he’s done anything!

A word to the wise for everyone here though, you CAN easily spoof your location on Snapchat etc. Well, I don’t know about easily but my at-the-time 15 year old son managed it quite well 🙄

Me too, unfortunately. In fact, during the past few years I’ve discovered just how utterly cruel some people can be. Very strange.

Could it be possible that someone is using your husbands picture/name/identity in a catfish scenario? So someone for example messaging one of your friends or a colleague pretending to be your husband. I looked back at the message re the baby shower and it says "what he was doing" rather than where he was. If it was sexting for example it could have been someone pretending to be him.

Edit to add: scamming money could be a possible motive. Romance scam. Someone lends money because they think they are in a relationship with your husband/he needs money to leave or whatever but it's not him - but a scammer.

I spoofed mine by leaving my iPad sharing my location, rather than my phone.