Random message saying DH affair

[basilbush]

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

In fact it would be more believable that DH is the random texter and is laying on this ridiculous display to strengthen OP's belief in him, so that he has a good excuse to brush off any future affair accusations. And even that is so ridiculously unlikely based on OP's description of DH. So that puts into context how ridiculously weak this scammers attempts to disrupt OP's relationship is.

So it’s someone who knows you both and your friends?

I’d still ( in good time) send the “ not from DH: he can spell” response. Just for spite now!

It’s someone trying to ruin your marriage. Tread carefully so you don’t allow them to without reason.

Don't engage!
Block them now, no good can come from further engagement.

I wonder if the culprit is someone you know, maybe they were at the baby shower with you? Or are there photos of you on FB at the shower?

It sounds like lies, given the language used is so different to his usual writing/text style.

Do you have any public social media that this person could be picking info up from? Did you share any baby shower pics on social media or are you tagged in any of your friends pictures? Is the pic of your husband from social media? Just trying to look through a scammers/ something trying to cause trouble’s eyes to see if this could be made up by a stranger.

This sounds like someone who knows something about your personal life. Who would know you were at a baby shower? Are the photos public on social media? Were you tagged in anything? Do you have a bunny boiler psycho friend who was/wasn’t invited?

I'd say the last message rules out scammer. And far more likely to either be a) true or b) someone with a grudge.

Why play devil's advocate, though? Surely Occam's Razor should be used here. This is real life, it isn't a Harlan Coben story.

Sounds like a grudge / someone trying to mess up your relationship. But, I don't think I could resist checking in with in-laws to make sure he really did stay there while you were at the baby shower

Or

c. Some kind of sick game / dare. It is half term just now after all.

OP have you got any young relatives who might do this? Ones who use words like bae?

I sure hope your gut is right. I tend to be a "where there is smoke..." type of person but it sounds like you have valid reasons to think it isn't true. What in the world does someone get out of doing something like this??

Don't respond, it could be someone who he casually mentioned to that you were at the baby shower. I'd be tempted to ask his parents though . How's your relationship with his parents and wider family, have you told anyone about him going to the park, could be someone you know.

Yes but if DH goes to the gym a back tattoo could easily be flashed when using his tshirt to wipe off sweat. And you said he's recently went to the gym and got fitter so could easily be someone has taken a shine to him and wants to disrupt his life.

Or could be someone who looks at your and DH life and is so insanely jealous and bitter they don't have an equally rich life, and so want to cause pain.

'Some people just want to watch the world burn'
-Alfred Pennyworth

That must have been a horrible shock.

You say you were going to ask Dh outright but it seemed ridiculous. Why is it ridiculous? You’re his partner, you can talk about anything! You just have to be factual and say you got this message and show him. It’s not your fault you received it!

been here before and its amazing where they find time, usually thered be some gut feeling though, maybe its a jealous friend or work colleague some people are sickening... definitely ask for proof, if it is real though theyve done you a favour telling you, hope you get through it whatever it turns out to be!!!

Have you got a nosey neighbour? There's a thread on here with a woman talking about how she stalks her neighbour and thinks she's having an affair. Completely unhinged. Maybe you have one of those?

Doesn't sound like something kids would do, at all.

Have you had a falling out with anyone recently? This person sounds very spiteful.

This really sounds as if someone has a grudge against you or your husband or both. Whatever it is, it sounds like a really unhinged nasty person. I hope you can get to the bottom of it.

You sound quite desperate for it to be true.

So creepy. Definitely about you though, not him. Someone who knew you were at the baby shower so someone in your circle rather than his. A jealous “friend” or colleague? Someone you’ve had issues with at work? A mum “friend” who doesn’t like you talking to their husband at the school gates?
It’s someone not too bright for sure with a penchant for tacky dramas regardless of how they know you.

Why so irritated by me pointing out something obvious? I am not bothered either way, but women will often deny what is in front of them when it comes to men cheating and then stay with them even when they have proof.
so I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss because it’s more likely a man has cheated than some random person has some personal vendetta and would take the time to do this for no reason. Seems bizarre.

agreed. also, could he have a burner phone? Just with ten different picture etc

Could he have rejected someone’s advances and not thought much of it to tell you and now they are jealous? Maybe someone closer than you would think like a relative or friend who would have access to your social media so know when you were out.
This is really just shitty behaviour because regardless of how u feel whether it’s real or fake it’s planting a seed of doubt and should anything small happen in the further eg late home it might make u worry. I’d want full and proper proof it’s difficult as you don’t want to engage with them but would be good to get some answers.

Oh Im pretty sure I know where he was that day. If you have any other information that proves this ‘affair’ then send it over. Seems very unlikely.