Random message saying DH affair

[basilbush]

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

@basilbush why would someone be saying nite if the messages were actually sent this morning ?

the “nite babe” was sent this morning?? If so then that’s probably something overlooked when faking the messages

If it’s all fake, I’d wager it’s someone who knows that your husband is away for work as the timing is just too perfect.

Could it be someone who knows he is at the conference and that you are alone?

As for the ‘nite babe’ language, my exh was a completely different person online to the one I knew.

How they speak is no proof. Men get all silly and giddy with a new woman, especially if a lot younger. By the sheer nature of cheating they're adopting a different persona.
Mine answered his phone to me, thinking it was the other woman as darling. In 22 years, I had never heard him use that word.

The whole message in your latest post sounds young, both the content and the sender. It's half term, any kids of friends likely bored enough to do it?

It must be a horrible upsetting thing for you, I sincerely hope it's mischief making without basis.

Is the pic she has for him on any public social media?

@Crikeyalmighty @Rusalina

It was the end of a message 'did you have a good night babe',

Whatsapp sniffs for Facebook even on the tightest security settings. Keep an eye on your new suggested friends on Facebook as the sender will turn up if they haven't used a burner.

Oh sorry didn’t see recent update. Less clear then tbh. I really wouldn’t see the text speak as proof he’s not cheating as I have seen men do all sorts to fit in with younger women. I do think it seems more like a wind up than a real affair but I’d just be so determined to get to the bottom of it either way, it would drive me mad!

It sounds like a malicious person on the wind up. It doesn't sound as if he is cheating. People on here always like to assume the worst and they think all men are scum, so don't be put off by people saying that there must be something in it. People on here will twist themselves into pretzels in order to put men in the most negative possible light, but they forget that there are real people being hurt by this nonsense. I would trust your husband, not some random.

OP something very similar happened to me. Turned out my ex had been messaging/sexting someone he thought was a woman ( no idea where he got her no from some kind of 0rn site I guess) who turned out to be a scammer from Nigeria.
they tracked me down through my ex’s Facebook as we were tagged in pics together and then got my number from that as it was linked to my Facebook and i hadn’t updated my privacy settings . Could this be a possibility for you?

Like you say, you have to confront him. I reckon you will tell a lot from his reaction or explanation.

I think if you show him the messages his face and reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

The OP is starting to navigate the situation that her DH may or may not be having an affair, your air of “don’t be stupid” is both insensitive and uncalled for.

This is interesting.

@basilbush what if it is someone targeting YOU for some reason. They have your number. Yes, other OW do managed to get wives' numbers, but I'm also wondering if there is someone looking specifically to wind you up/threaten you for whatever reason. Does this feel at all plausible?

Have you tried clicking on the message and then adding to contacts? does this not then show the persons name as they have it saved?

A weird school mum? Half term nonsense?

use Instagram and tiktok. Save the number in your phone. Open the app and go to find friends or whatever they call it these days. It’ll show the people in your contacts. Failing that type the number messaging you into his phone when he’s back, see if a name pops up

It sounds like a scam. Don't click on any links they send you and don't share any information. Just block and report as spam.

@user9578 ah I missed that

If it’s language he simply wouldn’t use, then it Sounds like it could be someone with a grudge against you or your husband..

However to be sure, I would confront your husband but not show him the WhatsApp… say you’ve been told he’s having an affair and you’ve been sent proof… then ask him to be honest.. and say nothing about what you’ve got…. If you say you don’t believe it from the outset then you’ll always have that niggle. And if he’s adamant he isn’t, then contact the police as that is malicious communications….

It sounds like someone trying to wind you up. I’d just message them back with:
’You’ve got the wrong person - that’s not my husband.’

I wouldn’t want them to think they’d got to me.

Id still be a little suspicious.

Id tell my husband that I'd been sent proof of his affair. I wouldn't mention that I don't believe it etc. See his reaction from this.

Id worry this was the start of a potential blackmail scam, show dh the message, be sure to screenshot everything. What's the phone number on the wattsapp message.

This was the first thing I tried and they just have - as their name

People have mentioned ‘gut’ a few times on here. My gut on getting the first message was that it was bollocks. My gut on seeing the ‘proof’ has hardened to the same conclusion - I know other posters have been on the receiving end of horrible behaviour having never suspected but I just don’t buy it.

And if I was the OW wanting to break up my affair partners marriage, I wouldn’t send one screenshot of messages sent this morning. I would talk about dates, locations, send photos-all things that you just can’t excuse away.

Im out at the moment and my DH is due home in the next couple of hours.

Im going to show him the messages and take it from there

I really doubt it's someone with a grudge against him. It's going to be a random phishing scam. No I don't know from the info given how it plays out, but really, as if this guy is suddenly going to start calling women 'bae'.