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Original poster

Random message saying DH affair

1000 replies

basilbush · 30/05/2025 11:29

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

OP posts:
Nicole621 · 30/05/2025 13:41

This sounds way too involved to me to be a scam, what have they got to gain now they've given you the 'evidence'.

It might all be lies for whatever reason but men having affairs often completely change themselves and their personalities to fit in with their younger affair partner, suddenly wanting to look good by going to the gym and suddenly texting like they're 15.

TSMWEL · 30/05/2025 13:41

I’ve not rtft sorry Op but could someone be using his name and pictures to catfish? So it’s not him, it’s just someone using his photos? Especially after what you’ve said about the writing style being completely different

user9578 · 30/05/2025 13:42

And ask the messenger to confirm the mobile number he uses...

Cornflowers35 · 30/05/2025 13:42

Wednesdayisme · 30/05/2025 13:24

That's awful, but for him to be seeing multiple I bet a fiver he's still at it. You had lucky escape there!

Show quote history

I wouldn't be at all surprised.

I doubt he's told her the truth.

He's very bitter about me.

When I first filed the divorce papers, he got his solicitor to respond basically saying he couldn't admit to adultery being the reason as it wasn't true.

I wrote back saying I had evidence. That was the end of that conversation. (Ex knew I had evidence).

He believes his own lies.

raven0007 · 30/05/2025 13:42

people can have two phones and use any photo they like as a display picture then message themselves. OP what were the time stamps or dates if it showed any? I’ve been the accused in something similar, I had a woman change her own contact name in her iPhone to read my own phone number and text herself so it looked as though we were having a conversation. Apparently it was me admitting to sleeping with my ex. Then sent them to him. Luckily I don’t have read receipts on and he knows this, that was the only way I could prove it.

Wednesdayisme · 30/05/2025 13:43

So the day (or before) he's away on a conference you're getting these messages. Odd timing though don't you think. How did this person get your number too? Really odd this..

godmum56 · 30/05/2025 13:43

Shinyandnew1 · 30/05/2025 11:36

I don't see why anyone would bother to make this up.

I'd go with the 'prove it' reply as well.

for shits and giggles......because they made a pass and were turned down....jealousy.....mental health issues.....any and all really

ouch321 · 30/05/2025 13:43

If he has a second phone then it's quite possible that he'll use a different pic for his avatar on the 2nd watasapp account.

No3392 · 30/05/2025 13:43

user9578 · 30/05/2025 13:42

And ask the messenger to confirm the mobile number he uses...

I agree, this would be my next step.

MerrionMiriam · 30/05/2025 13:44

If all the messages were sent this morning but one is ‘nite babe’ it’s likely AI.

godmum56 · 30/05/2025 13:44

If this had happened to me when my DH was alive, I would have said "You will NEVER guess what happened today" and told him.

MamaBobo · 30/05/2025 13:44

Sorry that you are going through this OP. Your gut feelings about your husband, that seem to be based on the reality of your lives together, as well as the odd nature of the language and style of the messages that you have been sent, make me think this is someone malicious, trying to cause upset for you and your DH. It’s incredibly easy to fake this kind of thing.

It could be someone with unrequited feelings for your DH, who has been rebuffed and now feels that they want to get back at him via you? Could it be someone who has made a pass at him at work or at this conference and been rejected? You do seem to have a solid relationship and I’d talk to him about it, starting with what you have said here, that you don’t believe a word of it, but on the basis that if someone is out to make trouble for him (and you) this could escalate. If it is someone he works with it might lead to difficulties at his work.

Shinyandnew1 · 30/05/2025 13:45

basilbush · 30/05/2025 13:14

Didn’t show the number on the screenshot so could be bloody anyone

I think I'd reply, 'when you have any actual proof, I will listen 😂' and leave it there.

ThisChic · 30/05/2025 13:45

Kelrap20 · 30/05/2025 11:34

But why would something do that for no reason? Sorry but it is possible as much as you wouldn't like to think it is

This. I hope it’s not true but don’t just assume it’s not without at least investigating….

user9578 · 30/05/2025 13:45

godmum56 · 30/05/2025 13:44

If this had happened to me when my DH was alive, I would have said "You will NEVER guess what happened today" and told him.

But if OP does that, and he IS cheating, he'll go into lockdown mode and then she'll never find any evidence of her own.

Hayley1256 · 30/05/2025 13:46

I would ask him to ring the person who os waysapping you in front of you amd see what they say

Wednesdayisme · 30/05/2025 13:46

Cornflowers35 · 30/05/2025 13:42

I wouldn't be at all surprised.

I doubt he's told her the truth.

He's very bitter about me.

When I first filed the divorce papers, he got his solicitor to respond basically saying he couldn't admit to adultery being the reason as it wasn't true.

I wrote back saying I had evidence. That was the end of that conversation. (Ex knew I had evidence).

He believes his own lies.

Show quote history

Sounds like hes a narc (I know some throw that term around) but they live in their own little land of make believe don't they.

Original poster
basilbush · 30/05/2025 13:46

I’m not engaging with the person anymore. I don’t want to give them oxygen as I’m pretty satisfied that the screenshot is bollocks.

im just now trying to work out where the photo is from on the contacts as its not very recent

i I am definitely going to speak to my DH about this when im back.

im just giving this all some thought of how to approach

OP posts:
WombForTwo · 30/05/2025 13:47

It’s definitely a wind up.

Someone in his life that wants to cause shit, maybe?

Dressinggownqueenslay · 30/05/2025 13:47

Maybe reply with ‘anything better?’

LushLemonTart · 30/05/2025 13:47

@basilbush sounds good. I hope he can reassure you.

Catoo · 30/05/2025 13:48

If all the ‘proof’ messages were sent this morning then one saying ‘nite’ makes no sense…

Assuming this person claims it’s her he is cheating with, I would ask for a photo of your H with her. Ask when and where she last saw him. Ask when their next date is. Ask her to ring him when you’re with him etc.

This is likely all BS.
Anyone in your friend circle jealous of you? Who have you recently been telling about your happy marriage? That comment they made seems quite particular.

Although speaking from experience it’s amazing how they can fit a bit of cheating into their days.

Original poster
basilbush · 30/05/2025 13:48

MerrionMiriam · 30/05/2025 13:44

If all the messages were sent this morning but one is ‘nite babe’ it’s likely AI.

Sorry, to be clear, it was the end of a sentence which in full was ‘hope u had a gd nite babe’. The ‘nite babe’ was just an example of spelling and phrases he wouldn’t use

OP posts:
Kathbrownlow · 30/05/2025 13:49

If the photo of your DH is not a recent one, maybe this person knew him before you met him, and wants to cause trouble, goodness knows why.

user9578 · 30/05/2025 13:49

basilbush · 30/05/2025 13:48

Sorry, to be clear, it was the end of a sentence which in full was ‘hope u had a gd nite babe’. The ‘nite babe’ was just an example of spelling and phrases he wouldn’t use

Show quote history

That alone wouldn't be proof enough for me that it's not him. Men (and women) often change how they talk and phrase things with other people.

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