DP positivity thread, anyone?

[LastPostISwear]

Just wanted to excess my feelings somewhere! (I already tell DH constantly.)

I just love him so much. Today he came home and just chatted so much, and I was so happy to hear all about his day and his thoughts. (If I could crawl inside his mind and live there, or occupy the same physical space as him, I would; that would be perfect intimacy for me.) He is so smart and kind and thoughtful and handsome, and is always trying to be an even better partner to me (and he succeeds!) I feel incredibly lucky to be his wife.

What are some things you love about your DP?

Yes, and I'm not really sure what the OP wanted to achieve by her post?

For everyone to be jealous? I'm sure the majority are either confused, embarrassed for her, feeling sorry for her DH, or all of the above 😂

He’s started to again, recently. I’m pleased with the change (I also wonder if he’s been reading my posts 😅)

No, he didn’t exactly suggest it. I told him I didn’t require sexual monogamy from him, and at first he wanted it from me. Eventually he got curious about exploring together, saw that I really didn’t get jealous as he worried I would, and realized that he wasn’t consumed with jealousy himself. He then made some allowances for me (which I’ve never needed or used) so that I could have ONS with men I’d never interact with again, if I felt inclined, and started occasionally seeing other people when I’m gone for long periods of time.

People tend to assume it’s the man initiating non monogamy and that the woman is unhappy about it, but that’s not always the case.

Good post from @TasWair.

OP, it’s a bit much, expecting other posters to have convenient amnesia about your posting history on your marriage. If you’re going to post nauseatingly twee stuff about crawling inside his mind, and being terribly pleased he came home and chatted to you, it’s natural for people to think ‘Yeah, but that’s the Mopy Housework Non-Monog Quarter of a Century Older Husband’.

I just wanted to express my feelings and hear from other people about their lovey-dovey feelings. I like hearing those things; they make me happy.

It was meant to be a positivity post, but once again on MN things have taken a bitter turn. This is why we can’t have nice things.

All this sounds hella complicated and like a full time job.

I think most Mners do not define nice things the same way you do perhaps.

I think that no doubt feeling unsure

on the thread about disappointment with DH upon return from holiday, the one fancying the colleague and fantasising about sex with him, the fact her DH doesn’t initiate sex with the OP but does initiate sex with strangers…. Well that would Leave most of us feeling unsure running for the trees!

So, for most people, sex is tied to intimacy, and they prefer or need to be both sexually monogamous (only have one sexual partner at a time) and romantically monogamous (only have one romantic partner at a time.

For some people (like DH and I) sex is not inherently tied to intimacy, and they need romantic monogamy, but not necessarily sexual monogamy, and that can look like sometimes having sex with other people, but not forming romantic or emotional attachments with anyone else.

For others, sex and intimacy are not inherently tied, and they need neither romantic nor sexual monogamy. These people typically identify as “polyamorous” and have multiple sexual and romantic relationships… This is an extreme minority of the population, and many people who try this feel very hurt by it, but try (unsuccessfully) to rationalize themselves out of their jealousy to become “enlightened” and allow their partner the most free and fulfilling romantic and sex lives as possible.

I don’t think people can control or change what kind of jealousy they feel or what level of monogamy they need from their partners, personally. I certainly didn’t do any kind of internal work to not feel sexual jealousy; I was just always that way.

So he’s started to initiate in the last couple of weeks…. Ok

how old are you op?

No my god, I don't want an explanation of how great your relationship is! 😆

MN has turned into Insta.

That’s not an explanation of “how great”
my relationship is. That’s an explanation of the different types of monogamy/non monogamy and what they look like for different people. Also maybe a little detour into whether or not it’s possible to make yourself okay with non monogamy

What, you wanted to hear the lovey-dovey feelings of internet strangers because you don't get that from your husband?

You know posters will remember or search out your previous posts, why not change username for this one? It just comes across as very, very weird.

I see this relationship has pretty much the opposite of my ideal on almost every front!

to say the OP’s thread has backfired is something of an understatement!

It must have really hurt when he was never insisting sex or flirting with you

but initiating sex hooks with strangers? I wonder whether money is
involved

He’s 25 years older than Op? How old are you?

I wanted to hear about lovey dovey feelings because it’s NICE! Why do you think people consume romance novels, tv shows, and movies? Because it gives them the warm and fuzzies and makes them go “aww 🥰” Like, that’s a common human experience.

I personally don’t go digging on the internet for ammo with which to discredit, insult, or derail the threads of others, but apparently others do and it’s unreasonable to expect that maybe, maybe just once they’d take the post at face value and participate in the warm and fuzzies!

Mine’s alright I guess 🤣

I saw the thread title and was like “oh that’s nice, I’ll mention how mine is a great dad and an extremely steady person, never raises his voice etc” but then read the thread and…okay.

Thank you for sharing! Those are great qualities

Your post wasn't like a lovely romance novel or film, because yes, those do give people the warm and fuzzies. I think it made most people (everyone?) cringe. Then add to that your relationship history based on past posts, and you must be able to understand people's reactions, surely?

Well I’m sorry you feel that way.

Here comes the dragging in of my post history again, which, remember, I said nothing about in the OP.

But if you start threads all within the last few weeks about how you would love to have sex with your colleague, how your dh never initiates sex with you, how disappointed and let down you felt by your husband post holiday…. They are likely going to be mentioned when you then start one making out it’s the romance of the century!!

Glad you're happy and not actually wanting to be a skinwalker, as it all sounded a bit 'baby reindeer'.

If I could crawl inside his mind and live there, or occupy the same physical space as him,

is that not the same as climbing inside his body

either way… somewhat disturbing especially against the backdrop of other threads

There was room for improvement and improvement was made

The mind is more of an abstract concept, whereas the brain is a physical body part. People will often say things like “exploring the twisted mind of [insert some gothic/horror author or serial killer]” through their writings, and that’s not interpreted as exploring their body.

And then, “occupying the same physical space” isn’t the same as being inside him; as an impossible hypothetical, we would either be inside each other simultaneously, or neither quite inside the other…I much prefer to think of it more as “being in the same place at the same time” rather than as who’s inside whom.