DP positivity thread, anyone?

[LastPostISwear]

Just wanted to excess my feelings somewhere! (I already tell DH constantly.)

I just love him so much. Today he came home and just chatted so much, and I was so happy to hear all about his day and his thoughts. (If I could crawl inside his mind and live there, or occupy the same physical space as him, I would; that would be perfect intimacy for me.) He is so smart and kind and thoughtful and handsome, and is always trying to be an even better partner to me (and he succeeds!) I feel incredibly lucky to be his wife.

What are some things you love about your DP?

They’ve done that thing where someone says the most neutral sentence ever, dissect it, and misrepresent it in the worst, most dramatic way possible.

For instance, I made a post asking if it was unreasonable to feel disappointed that DH hadn’t cleaned, and somehow that morphed into me being “pissed” or “furious,” despite never even being angry in the least about the situation, and unsure if it even mattered enough to bring it up to him.

And of course everyone assumes the worst about age gap relationships. Like, DH may be much older than me, but that doesn’t mean he’s abusing me. He’s a saint to me— very patient, understanding, comforting when I’m upset, supportive of anything I want to do in life, provides very well for us, willing to change if needed to make me happy…I could go on. We make important decisions together and share the mutual responsibilities in a way we feel is fair. We don’t have any more grievances with each other than your average couple. We have a great sex life.

I have a beautiful family, a wonderful home, to which I have the option and tend almost full time, fulfilling hobbies, a career, opportunities to travel… somehow that’s a “self-deluded disaster of a domestic life” and a “dark piece of YA fiction.” Like, come on now

Honestly, you protest too much.

But what do I know, I plan to go on living when DH dies. I am very prosaic.
Will probably give up ironing.

If all this is true, I do think you should make the effort to break out of your bubble and make some friends. It's good to have other relationships independent of your partner.

Yes, it is good. And I would like to have some friends. I’ll make the effort when DD goes off to school; right now it’s very difficult to spend time with other adults during the daytime in the middle of the week, when most people are working. (Someone will be like, “have DH watch the kid at night so you can go out” but 2-3 nights a week he’s working late, and I would like to spend time as a family the other nights and during the weekends.)

Well it would leave you free to snag the colleague you’re desperate to at least!

Do you exercise op?

Op I think you’re failing to realise that posters are quoting you from threads you started… all within the last month.

So it is you that said he “never makes me feel sexy”. It is you that said he gets in an awful grump and bring real dark energy to the household when housework not done. It is you that said how disappointed you were to come back to utter squalor. You. You OP

It’s DISGUSTING behaviour to insult someone and make ridiculous assumptions about their life and then say things like that when they correct them or defend themselves. That’s what abusers do, and you should be utterly, deeply ashamed of yourself for it.

I love my DH to death, and I cannot even imagine life without him. I’ll go on, surely, but it will not be easy.

OP…. What’s going on under roof this weekend? Aside from mumsnetting, what have you enjoyed?

being quieter than usual, being less physically affectionate, giving off this horrible dark cloud of energy that I just can’t stand, etc. It drives me insane.

you think we have misinterpreted your “neutral” sentence here?

I’m over the coworker since DH has been flirting and initiating again.

I often joke (key word joke here, people) that if DH goes before me, I’ll marry some 99 year old just to secure a bit more generational wealth, and when that one expires, I’ll become a lesbian.

But in all seriousness… it will most likely be a long, long time before I’d be ready for sex and relationships again. And hopefully I will be pretty old by then, anyway.

I really hope for your daughter's sake you start to grow up a bit soon, because you're modelling life and relationships to her and there are SO MANY unhealthy, red flaggy things you seem to think are perfectly normal 😔

Ok. This thread is batshit. And I didnt even have to search your name to see another thread come up about how you smell the side of the bed when he's away.

Coupled with all your other threads, makes for a very disturbing picture.
If all this is true, he's a dirty old perv who has groomed you. End of. I have a 24 yr old DD and she would send any 53 yr old man sniffing around her in a bookstore packing.

Get help.

They together when the op was just 18 and he was 43, it’s really disturbing and a bit upsetting this thread

All this. Posters aren’t amnesiac, OP. I haven’t looked up any of your threads, for instance, but I remember them. If you don’t want responses that don’t take account of the other information you have freely put out there on the same forum, then don’t put it out there.

And that way everyone will think of your DH as a god, rather than a non-monogamous crank who ‘mopes’ if he’s expected to run a vacuum around and ‘gives off dark energy’ when he has to behave like a fully-paid up member of a household that involves a small child.

That’s a pretty standard response to something stressful and bothersome in one’s environment, isn’t it? It would be weird to expect someone to be perfectly peppy and oozing affection in spite of that. I’m just particularly sensitive to moods (especially to his) and they often feel contagious to me, and I felt that the moping was a result of unreasonableness. But it seems that he has stopped doing that after I brought it up. He’s more careful about containing his energy and being patient with the cleaning process if there’s a reason I’m behind on it.

Seems pretty normal to me that couples sometimes encounter conflict and work with each other to navigate it. It’s just that people aren’t as open about their downs as they are their ups.

You're absolutely proving everyone's point. No, this is not a normal (or acceptable) way to treat your partner because they haven't cleaned to your standards.

So you are always physically affectionate, peppy, talkative, projecting positive energy, etc. around your partner, even if something is upsetting you? Because I’m certainly not.

I don’t think that’s realistic at all. Calling it “abusive” is a joke and an insult to actual abuse victims. This is what I mean when I say MN take things to the extreme.

I need to grow up because I’m not letting people do that to me? You’re equally as gross. Trying to gaslight someone that their relationship is unhealthy, too. You are more red flags crammed into one person than I even thought was possible. Go do something productive with your life.

Ffs, it’s not grooming if you’re an adult having a consensual relationship with another adult. Your daughter might not like older men and that’s perfectly fine. I do, and did even when I was younger. I knew that I did from experience with both age peers and older men. But SOMEHOW when it comes to AGRs, all the sudden we don’t trust young adults to know what they want, but only if they’re not picking what you would want.

I cannot stand the lack of critical thinking and hypocrisy

They’re gonna misinterpret and misrepresent whatever I say in the stupidest, most negative way they can regardless of what they say. Complete losers. They need to touch grass and get lives. Who sits around and does that?

Everyone’s a loser and needs to touch grass because you’ve shacked up with an old perve and think abuse is a grand love affair? Right-oh.

The ones sitting here being intentionally nasty, twisting everything I say, and trying to gaslight me into believing my life and marriage are terrible and abusive: that’s some loser shit. I feel sorry for you.

There’s nothing perverted about AGRs.

Op you have done this weekend that’s been fun?

you seemed to have spent much of it mumsnetting about you marriage on this thread, which is utterly at odds with your posting history.

you are 28. Surely you have something fun in your life?

Genuine question but you said in your other brew you work on average 2 days a month.

what job?