DP positivity thread, anyone?

[LastPostISwear]

Just wanted to excess my feelings somewhere! (I already tell DH constantly.)

I just love him so much. Today he came home and just chatted so much, and I was so happy to hear all about his day and his thoughts. (If I could crawl inside his mind and live there, or occupy the same physical space as him, I would; that would be perfect intimacy for me.) He is so smart and kind and thoughtful and handsome, and is always trying to be an even better partner to me (and he succeeds!) I feel incredibly lucky to be his wife.

What are some things you love about your DP?

DH isn’t a slut shamer, nor am I, so as long as they were being safe, we wouldn’t feel any type of way about our daughters sleeping around. My younger SD is already on number 2 at 17; who’s to say she won’t go the same way as me?

If our daughters are dating people who makes them happy and treat them well, and they are all adults, then who gives a shit about whether there’s an age gap? There’s actually a lot of benefits for young women dating older men, as I’ve found. For instance, I wanted to be done having all my kids by age 25 (✅), and I only wanted kids within a stable, financially secure marriage (✅), and I wanted the option to stay home with them (✅). How many of my age peers would have been willing and able to give me that? Very, very few.

If university is not benefitting any of our daughters, we would fully support them not going or dropping out. Our eldest is having a bit of a hard time being far away at uni in a foreign country, and DH has told her repeatedly that if she wants to leave for any reason, that’s perfectly fine, even if he’s already spent tens of thousands in tuition… He’s gone to uni, dropped out, and returned himself, and now he’s a very successful solicitor. And like I said, I don’t regret going to uni, and I don’t regret dropping out. My life is still great. I have had zero problems getting any job I’ve ever wanted without a degree.

It is hard being far away from family, and we do hope we’ll all end up close by. But that doesn’t always happen, and we’ll just make do if that’s the case, just like any other family.

DH isn’t a slut shamer, nor am I, so as long as they were being safe, we wouldn’t feel any type of way about our daughters sleeping around.

do you actually pause and read the posts? Or just fire off

I asked if you and your dh would be “worried”?

I’m just saying, the faux concern is wildly inconsistent. Even when you responded, you focused on the ages instead of the experience of the partners in a couple. “If the 16 yo was with someone much older…”

I hope to God im not still bothering with this site in several years from now.

The answer is no, we would not be worried, because having lots of partners isn’t inherently bad, shameful, or worrisome. It just matters whether they’re being safe about it.

Op when a poster says they don’t have in single friend
and starts threads about wanting to shag a colleague, and the dark energy that your DH brings to the house when it’s not cleaned etc - it does tend to make people feel pity towards someone 🤷‍♀️

My daughter is 17.
my benchmark for whether I’m worried or not isn’t simply “is she safe”
but each to their own

Do elaborate

Honestly?

I can’t be arsed.

Well this is MumsNet, where 50% of the posters take everything to the extreme. So if someone hasn’t bothered to make friends or doesn’t have time to maintain friendships, that turns into “she’s isolated and lonely”

If someone experiences temptation because they’re temporarily not getting the attention they need from their marriage, that turns into “She’s not satisfied with her husband and doesn’t really love him. She’s desperate for someone else”

If a man has a mood and his wife is particularly sensitive to it, it turns into “He’s abusive.”

So take that as you will. Your pity is meaningless.

I suspect that’s because the answer is “sluts bad”

It's not inconsistent, I just thought your example was a false equivalence.

And not going to lie, I would be more concerned about a 16yr old getting with someone 20 odd years older than with a peer.

I wouldn't be casting either as desirable or the romance of the century.

@cat tbh at this point all we’re doing is feeding a lonely and unhappy person here, who is very defensive about her set up, which she herself has started negative threads

I have gone from intrigued, to concerned to now just plain…. Well bored tbh!

When you’re in an age gap relationship, you can’t help notice the inconsistencies. You’re assumed to have been naive and inexperienced if you got into a relationship when young, but it’s fine if even younger people only ever experience one partner their whole lives. Everyone is “concerned” about whether (and often can’t be convinced otherwise that) you’re being taken advantage of and abused; meanwhile, nobody thinks to automatically question those in age peer relationships as to how they’re being treated (and half the time, it’s really poorly). I don’t hear any other women who started families in their mid twenties being asked if they had time to “find themselves,” whatever the fuck that means. There are women experiencing marital rape and other forms of sexual abuse in their APRs, but oh, DH is a pervert because he had consensual sex with a much younger adult…

It doesn’t make any sense. I’m tired of it.

@LastPostISwear Everything you’ve written screams “validate me!”. Because no-one has done that, you’re getting pissed off and are now accusing posters of slut shaming and being unhappy in their own lives.

If you’re so unbelievably happy, why do you need us to agree with the way you live?

@Nevertea You're right, of course. The oxygen of publicity and all that.

but it’s fine if even younger people only ever experience one partner their whole lives.

Again, you're putting words in my mouth and making up a position i don't hold. I don't think either are particularly good for the young person.

And actually people do say that to people who have been with one person their whole lives.

Yeah, no. I’m not participating in this… garbage. People who attack others and then try to make them feel bad about defending themselves are shitstains in the dirt, and deserve their own unhappiness.

So why wouldn’t you lead with that instead of “If the 16 yo was with someone decades older…?”

And the reason that situation is questionable is because the couple hasn’t known anything different to be able to compare and know if they’re truly happy, right? So if you’re saying to me “You were young and inexperienced and that’s why your AGR isn’t okay” or some similar sentiment, but I wasn’t inexperienced, having had slept with and dated a lot of people, including older men, and I was old enough to be trusted with every other adult decision 18 yos have to make…

Yep. I think one to hide and forget about

I didn't lead with it because, as I said, I thought your argument was a false equivalence (and not particularly interesting). It's obviously something that really gets your goat that you're projecting.

And you haven't been particularly convincing that your huge experience with relationships. But anyway.

@category12 I wouldn’t trade lives with you if my options were that or death. You seem like someone who’s insufferable as a result of their circumstances.

Or like every single poster on this thread… a bit repulsed by the situation, grossed out by the photo you posted of a 53 year old semi-clad man and generally feel a little sorry for you and your Dd.

and you stamping your feet and telling us otherwise, ain’t going to change that OP!

keep on trying to be a mean girl. I bet it’s suuuper fulfilling

Oh I wish I hadn’t found that post with the pic mentioned 🤢

Let’s see what kind of physique you like