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Original poster

DH won’t let me rehome cat

348 replies

ThisCleverAmberEagle · 26/05/2025 07:07

To begin with I’d just like to say I never thought I’d be someone to say that I wanted to rehome a pet just because having them didn’t suit my lifestyle anymore and would probably have looked down upon anybody saying that. However, since having a baby 4 months ago I’m really struggling with my cat. He’s an indoor cat and very clingy, as in wants to sit on my lap permanently and have constant attention lavished upon him. I found this quite a lot pre-baby but since it’s become just really overwhelming. I cannot get up in the night to heat a bottle because the cat runs out and runs circles around my feet meowing loudly and insistently for his food. I cannot just sit and hold my baby without the cat also trying to sit on my lap. Also, the amount of hair everywhere is really getting to me, I’m finding hairs/cat fur on my baby’s bottle and dummy and just across all surfaces at all times despite vacuuming and using a lint roller constantly, there’s so much fur in her pram too. Having to clean up the litter tray and food too really feels like more than I can bear. I know it’s not the cats ‘fault’. I just feel increasingly that I want to get him rehomed, mainly for my benefit but also I’m sure he would be more happy somewhere where someone actually doesn’t see him as a burden and would be happy with him cuddling up to them. Whenever I bring this up with DH he says no absolutely not and that the cat is part of the family, however as I’m the one who is at home all the time having a cat really affects me more. I’m starting to feel resentful as it’s really impacting me at the moment and I don’t understand why he won’t let me rehome the cat for my own sanity. Am I supposed to just suck it up and keep the cat for DH’s sake?

OP posts:
InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 26/05/2025 09:22

Yes of course you can re home your cat. However, leaving that aside. If you choose to keep your cat then there are tactics to employ.

My cat is a very clingy lap cat however she is capable of learning new behaviours. Don’t discount her intelligence or your ability to communicate with her. My cat prefers my lap however if I get a blanket or fluffy jumper I know she likes I can place this next to me and direct her to lie there. She is happy curling up next to me when directed to.

My cat can also be a hungry nightmare at 5am however feeding her last thing at night keeps her satisfied and happy until late morning.

Your husband should take on more responsibility for the cat when he is at home given you are at breaking point and need help. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Hoppinggreen · 26/05/2025 09:23

When DD was born we had 3 cats and I never found hairs in her pram or on her bottle.
I WAS less keen about being sat on though as I finally peeled DD off me and one of the cats wanted to sit on me, although one decided to sit on DD instead and pretend she wasn't already there.
Having a newborn is hard and I appreciate that the cat is an extra thing to care for but it was there first and you can't just get rid of it now its a bit inconvenient

Babyboomtastic · 26/05/2025 09:26

It's also worth remembering-

  • many women suddenly hate their husband/partner when they have a baby
  • some women give their older children irritating and 'go off then' for a while when they have a new baby.

Your hormones are all over the place. Your brain is in hyperfocus mode where all it can focus on is the baby, so anything else feels like an irritating distraction.

You're also adjusting to having a child, being more tired and feeling v protective. Those things aren't going to go away, but them being btw and overwhelming feelings will.

There's a reason make people say to not make any major decisions for the first year after having a baby. Otherwise many people would divorce, move house, country, get rid of pets etc. Obviously didn't apply in cases of DV etc, but generally, when in a new, hormonally driven, knackered life situation, don't make decisions you can't come back from.

TequilaNights · 26/05/2025 09:27

I understand, but in a years time you will have a toddler and will be running around after them instead of worrying about your cat.

I'm a, a pet is for life person so hate it when people rehome their much loved pets because they dont fit in that moment.

lunar1 · 26/05/2025 09:27

I really wish they would bring in a lifetime ban on any form of pet ownership for people who do this. Spend an hour watching videos on shelter pets trying to be homed.

I tell you one thing I wouldn’t advise, having a second child!

Enrichetta · 26/05/2025 09:27

Try reading some of the Judith kerr mog books to baby as they grow bigger it's a nice way to think about how they will interact in the future.

Oh yes!!!! I still have those books, 30+ years later.

These days I'd also show them cat videos on YouTube.. 😹

RosesAndHellebores · 26/05/2025 09:27

Thenose · 26/05/2025 09:20

Yes, because a human child is exactly the same as a pet cat.

Show quote history

Oh sometimes as loving and rewarding, sometimes not.

I think you will find there is research to indicate that those who mistreat animals are also likely to mistreat children.

Picklechicken · 26/05/2025 09:29

Just to show another side to this…

We adopted a cat via blue cross who had been given up in similar circumstances- new baby, family lost interest, etc.

He is so anxious and scared of everything, and so needy. He is clearly traumatised at being given up - we’ve had him 6 months now and he’s only now starting to settle and allowing us to show him affection. He seems so on edge all the time and clearly doesn’t trust anyone, despite now having a lovely home with 2 adults and an older teen who absolutely adore him.

Sometimes rehoming can’t be helped and of course that’s just something that has to happen for the animals best interest but let’s not kid ourselves that it doesn’t affect the pet. The feeling of abandonment and loss of their original owner does stay with them.

Illyna · 26/05/2025 09:30

Can everyone getting on their high horse and giving OP grief remember that this is a woman who gave birth four months ago, who is most likely absolutely exhausted and still recovering from labour?

OP, I don't have any advice for you, not being a pet owner, but I just wanted to chime in and let you know that not everyone thinks you're a horrible and irresponsible person for feeling this way.

cramptramp · 26/05/2025 09:32

Let your cat out. He’ll be much happier.

Enrichetta · 26/05/2025 09:33

Sometimes rehoming can’t be helped and of course that’s just something that has to happen for the animals best interest but let’s not kid ourselves that it doesn’t affect the pet. The feeling of abandonment and loss of their original owner does stay with them.

Indeed. And volunteer cat fosterers end up clearing up the mess...

HerNeighbourTotoro · 26/05/2025 09:33

Silverbook55 · 26/05/2025 07:30

OP, you sound generally quite irritable and possibly stressed by relatively minor things- do you think there are bigger issues underlying these?

To answer your question- yes it’s wholly unreasonable to rehome your cat.

Speaking as somebody who had dogs and cats with a newborn- it’s not a huge issue but I do understand that when you are tired, struggling in general even the littlest of things can seem huge. The cat isn’t really the issue.

I think you’re tired when you are getting up at night and irritable about the additional pressures of a baby. Rehoming your cat will not solve these. Having a baby isn’t easy.

Maybe discuss how you’re feeling with your DH.

OP, you sound generally quite irritable and possibly stressed by relatively minor things- do you think there are bigger issues underlying these?

I think the underlying issue is that she had a baby 4 months ago. Just an idea if you have not read the beginning of her post.

Butterflyarms · 26/05/2025 09:35

You will get slated on here but I think it is surprisingly common for new mums to have strong feelings of aversion towards a previously beloved pet. I had the same with my dog, whom I absolutely adored. Five years on and he is still with us, but there were points when I actually hated him. Still walked, picked up after and stroked him, but seriously resented the mental load and the physical mess. I do encourage you to recognise that this is not the cat's fault, and that things will settle down eventually... probably as your hormones settle and the cat adjusts to this massive change. A big hug, and also, a little head wobble.

HerNeighbourTotoro · 26/05/2025 09:35

RosesAndHellebores · 26/05/2025 09:27

Oh sometimes as loving and rewarding, sometimes not.

I think you will find there is research to indicate that those who mistreat animals are also likely to mistreat children.

Show quote history

Where do people get find like this out?

I love my kids but I dont particularly love pets. OP is also not mistreating the cat, prioritises her child though.

Mosaic123 · 26/05/2025 09:36

Babies come first and the baby's world is not now hygienic.

Rehome the cat.

Illyna · 26/05/2025 09:36

RosesAndHellebores · 26/05/2025 07:20

Kindly @ThisCleverAmberEagle having owned cats for 40 years and during the baby stage, why are there cat hairs in the pram and around the baby's bottles

You can buy a net for the pram to stop the cat going in and as for the baby's bottle, you make the milk, feed the milk and wash and sterilise the bottle.

This reads as though you are simply fed up with the cat and making excuses. The cat is having to get used to a new baby and is stressed and wants cuddles. She's probably sensing your mood towards her. Try a couple of felloway plug ins.

It may be sensible not to have another baby as your older child is likelybto be clingy, want more cuddles and to be at the messy stage. If you do and things are too bad, I guess you could contact SS and put the older one up for adoption.

Your last paragraph is a truly vile thing to say to a woman who is 4 months post partum and clearly struggling. Seriously, what on earth is wrong with you?

DeSoleil · 26/05/2025 09:37

Try grooming the cat regularly to remove loose hair rather than let it shed around your home. Just a quick comb or brush over takes a few minutes and cat will
lovw the attention.

I’ve never understood why people whinge about pet hair but do noting to remove the lose fur themselves by simply brushing them.

waterrat · 26/05/2025 09:37

Just let the cat live a normal outdoor life and all will be well.

faerietales · 26/05/2025 09:38

Illyna · 26/05/2025 09:30

Can everyone getting on their high horse and giving OP grief remember that this is a woman who gave birth four months ago, who is most likely absolutely exhausted and still recovering from labour?

OP, I don't have any advice for you, not being a pet owner, but I just wanted to chime in and let you know that not everyone thinks you're a horrible and irresponsible person for feeling this way.

The fact that she only gave birth four months ago is exactly why she shouldn't be making any snap decisions right now.

Readytohealnow · 26/05/2025 09:39

Your attitude towards an animal who relies on you and who you have made a commitment to is disgusting.
Good for your DH.
What a ‘temporary society’ we live in.

Illyna · 26/05/2025 09:40

faerietales · 26/05/2025 09:38

The fact that she only gave birth four months ago is exactly why she shouldn't be making any snap decisions right now.

Show quote history

That's not the point! There are people on here being absolutely vile! You can say that you think she needs to wait it out or give helpful advice without suggesting she should put up future children for adoption or lumping her in with people that mistreat animals and humans.

Theworldisinyourhands · 26/05/2025 09:40

If you really can't cope with the cat then I guess you should get rid. I really do wish though that it was possible to put people that do this on some sort of black list so that you can never own another pet again as it's wildy callous and irresponsible.

Your reasons are ridiculous. This isn't an aggressive cat. You just cba to provide it with basic care. Fur can be brushed away. Cats can be trained not to jump on sides and shut out of certain rooms. The 'clinginess' I don't really get. I used to love naps where my baby slept on me and the cat(s) joined us. However if it's not your thing just shut the cat out.

It sounds generally like the cat is bored. You need to get it some toys, play with it and include a couple of toys that it can play with itself. If possible you also need to let it out to explore its natural instincts. You can get catios or fencing that means the cat stays within the boundaries of your home. Your DH should really be helping with all of this especially if he feels strongly that the cat should stay.

I don't think anybody is saying that the cat is more important than your child. I love my cats but if my child and my cats were in a burning building then don't be under any doubt who I'd be saving. However, many people (apparently including your DH) will find it very distasteful to get rid of a pet who you've made a commitment to and is posing no threat to you or your child. People are entitled to that opinion.

Flissty · 26/05/2025 09:40

I think OP should keep the cat - but I think we could all be a bit more sympathetic to a new mum, feeling the perfectly natural overwhelm.
@ThisCleverAmberEagle keep calm and carry on - the baby stage gets easier. Make sure you’re getting some self care and then the cat won’t feel like just another thing you have to put first. Good luck x

Gothamcity · 26/05/2025 09:41

Obviously your huanbad is right. But, in saying that, if you're not not treating the cat nicely, and feeling resentful towards it, then rehoming it is probably the best option as the poor cat didn't ask for this, and is probably stressed and confused as to why it's being treated differently to before. Doesn't sound like the cats behaviour has changed, just your attitude towards it. Poor cat.

rileyy · 26/05/2025 09:47

Pets are not disposable items you can just pass on when they become inconvenient. The cat was there first and that is their home too and you are their family.
I’m with your husband in this 110%