Annulling marriage as spouse is trans?

[confusedpasty]

Hi everyone,

I got married 3 months ago. I have been with my now husband for 7 years and prior to the wedding, we honestly had a fantastic relationship. We also have a 14 month old boy. We are best friends and have shared everything together and talked about having more children after the wedding.

Intimacy has trailed off a bit since our baby was born, mostly on my part actually as I haven’t felt in the mood much, but I guess from his side too. Anyway, I thought this was just a phase due to our circumstances and was excited for the wedding.

Slight relevant background - my husband has always been more ‘feminine’ if you can call it that, as in interested in clothes and hair and underwear etc. No problem, loved him for who he was and we got on great.

Fast forward to after the wedding - no sex despite me trying and trying. 12 weeks have now passed since our wedding so I finally sat him down last night and asked what’s going on. He told me that he feels ashamed to admit it, but that deep down he feels he is transgender and his true feelings are that he identifies as a woman and that sex now feels disgusting to him as he’s not behaving like his true self?

Lots of crying and emotion followed - he begged me to support him and stay if he chooses to transition publicly, I feel that I cannot do this. I am torn. He has gone to stay with his mum for a few days whilst I process this.

I know this is a bit of a niche situation, but has anyone out there faced a similar situation? I am considering applying for an annulment, I think this would be fair on the grounds we haven’t consummated the marriage? Husband says he would contest this. I am so, so confused and haven’t yet told anyone in real life.

ANYBODY CAN GET AN ANNULMENT IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS FRAUDULENT OR YOU ENTERED IT UNDER DURESS

YOU CAN NOT GET AN ANNULMENT FOR LACK OF SEX/NOT CONSUMATING THE MARRIAGE

You really ought to get a job! Women's toilets are womens-only spaces. The Supreme Court recently ruled on this! Sorry. X

Broadly agree, but he's still a man and always will be.

A probably porn-addled fetishistic man with some very dodgy sexist views, but still a man.

It's Saturday night, you weird melt.

Yeah, they could have a good 75% of feeling ‘like a woman’ immediately just by taking on the mental load and not putting themselves first. But they seem to… do the opposite. Like a… oh, what’s the word again?

Not my area of law but sounds like you have two grounds for annulment and are within the time limit. Am so sorry you’ve been put in this position. Make him pay the £612 fee. He can contest it all he likes. (Am using he/him as you did). I hope you can salvage your friendship at some point. https://www.gov.uk/how-to-annul-marriage

I would get the marriage annulled ASAP.

So sorry you’ve had this devastating shock, OP.

I agree with others that the wedding was designed to trap you to provide validation for him. How dare he contest an annulment?! Stay strong and protect yourself and your child. You deserve SO much better.

So loud.

You can get an annulment for lack of consummation:
"Your marriage is ‘voidable’
You can annul a marriage for a number of reasons, such as:

it was not consummated - you have not had sexual intercourse with the person you married since the wedding (does not apply for same sex couples)"

https://www.gov.uk/how-to-annul-marriage

Yeah fuck off with all that.
You can’t turn around and tell your husband or wife that the whole foundation of your relationship wasn’t real or wasn’t making you happy and expect them to stick around. It’s not selfish to leave a man who’s telling you he’s not a man if you want to be in a relationship with a man. Or a man who you thought wanted you but who turns around and says actually he is sexually attracted to men, not you.

I’m afraid I don’t have any advice for you OP I can imagine it would be pretty devastating to find out the person you’ve been with for 7 years is hiding something like this and I can totally understand your reaction I mean sex now feels disgusting but yet you’ve had a child together, anyone preaching about you considering his feelings should give their head a wobble! Big hugs, hope you get your annulment

Fairly used to mansplaining on Mumsnet, but is there such a thing as transplaining? Dear me. You think you've seen it all!

Anyway OP, agree with everything said here. He has set you up and tried to deceive and trick you. He has gone further by trying to manipulate you to "support" him with zero regard for you or his child. The life you thought you had is not possible. Shameful behaviour. Apply for annulment as soon as you can. The sooner you get on the road to recovery, the better. I hope, in time, you can recover from this. It's hard to comprehend that level of deceit. So very sorry.

Someone more knowledgeable than me will put me right, but isn't there a theme of these men coming out at questionable times? Like when their wife has been diagnosed with something awful, or not long given birth, or she's got a big job promotion...basically when they aren't getting the attention they think they should? I've read lots of transwidow experiences and it seems to crop up..I started noticing because it struck me as similar to how DV often escalates around pregnancy and after the baby had come along, or when she starts making strides outside of the relationship somehow, like learning a new skill.

I feel he has been deceptive. These feeling don't just appear overnight. I think he went ahead with the marriage so you wouldn't leave him

Ugh you poor woman and your poor child. How DARE this awful man try to shackle you to him! It’s bad enough he deceived you into marriage and got a child out of you before he dropped this bomb on your life. Ignore the transplainers and handmaids. Get an annulment asap. Protect your child. I am so sorry.

He's done his best to trap you, OP. Stay strong and don't fall for it. He deceived you.

Consummation of a marriage only counts after the marriage. (I believe? Please let me know if I'm mistaken)

You have been deceived and the perpetrator admits it. Very good reasons for divorce and compensation

Absolutely go for an annulment as soon as possible. He's deceived you.

Get anything you can in writing, WhatsApp messages, emails, screenshot everything so you have copies even if he deletes them. You'll need evidence of non-consummation for court.

I think you'll only have a strong case for non-consummation, as the transitioning one says "in the process", which he's not. But get what you can in writing about his desire to become a woman.

He's a cunt for saying he'll contest it. Selfish lying, deceptive cunt.

I wouldn't be waiting to divorce as in a year's time you'll have only just started the process. I'd get the ball rolling with an annulment.

There's no way I'd stay and support this transitioning bullshit. He's a man and in the eyes of UK law, always will be a man.

2. is not a valid reason for annulment, but 1) is. The fact that the OP's husband is transitioning is also legal grounds for an annulment.

www.gov.uk/how-to-annul-marriage

Your post was totally unhinged.
The husband was a deceitful conman for 7 years. Op was not in love with him, but the person he created to deceive her. She needs to cut the cancer out of her life and move on, he can transition happily in his own or with you by his side. OP didn't sign up for a marriage to a woman.
I support trans rights but what this man did was disgusting.

You can’t be serious.

"YOU CAN NOT GET AN ANNULMENT FOR LACK OF SEX/NOT CONSUMATING THE MARRIAGE!"

I'm not sure of the reason for all CAPS but, in any event, I'm really sure that you are wrong on this point (at least in the UK)