Annulling marriage as spouse is trans?

[confusedpasty]

Hi everyone,

I got married 3 months ago. I have been with my now husband for 7 years and prior to the wedding, we honestly had a fantastic relationship. We also have a 14 month old boy. We are best friends and have shared everything together and talked about having more children after the wedding.

Intimacy has trailed off a bit since our baby was born, mostly on my part actually as I haven’t felt in the mood much, but I guess from his side too. Anyway, I thought this was just a phase due to our circumstances and was excited for the wedding.

Slight relevant background - my husband has always been more ‘feminine’ if you can call it that, as in interested in clothes and hair and underwear etc. No problem, loved him for who he was and we got on great.

Fast forward to after the wedding - no sex despite me trying and trying. 12 weeks have now passed since our wedding so I finally sat him down last night and asked what’s going on. He told me that he feels ashamed to admit it, but that deep down he feels he is transgender and his true feelings are that he identifies as a woman and that sex now feels disgusting to him as he’s not behaving like his true self?

Lots of crying and emotion followed - he begged me to support him and stay if he chooses to transition publicly, I feel that I cannot do this. I am torn. He has gone to stay with his mum for a few days whilst I process this.

I know this is a bit of a niche situation, but has anyone out there faced a similar situation? I am considering applying for an annulment, I think this would be fair on the grounds we haven’t consummated the marriage? Husband says he would contest this. I am so, so confused and haven’t yet told anyone in real life.

This is bat shit crazy advice. I smell a Trans Rights Activist at play

I'm only responding to comments addressed to me. I'm not introducing any rabbit holes. This all started because I commented that a number of responses to the OP were transphobic - they undoubtedly are - and in response I have had literally hundreds of comments which relate to me personally and to my views, not to the OP. These are the rabbit holes down which the thread is being lead. I would be more than happy for these rabbit holes to be blocked!

Drop the rope!

If you keep replying and trying to prove you are right the conversation is being side tracked away from the OP and her concerns. Just think to yourself “they are misinterpreting me” and happily go on your way.

Also, don’t feed the trolls.

It's you that needs to be totally ignored. The days when women are expected to live a lie for the sake of a man's feelings/fetish are over.

Bloody hell. Page 34 and still posts keep coming, that will overwhelm the OP and are not helpful to her at all.

OP, any posts that are not focused on helping you, please ignore them. Some (I think women), are focused on the wants and needs of your husband. The misogyny is great with these people!

Ignore any posts calling him “her”. His male entitlement clear on what he is.

If you don’t come back, or choose not to update, please know that most support YOU and your child. Life is short, we only get one, so please live it for you.

Agree, this thread has been derailed a fair bit but I hope OP can rake through it to find the supportive and helpful posts.

And yeah how weird must it be to have a child, marry the child’s father, then have him referred to as a SHE overnight. That would be so mentally destabilising to me.

It’s obviously not OP’s fault as she was deceived but she’ll not be able to give their child the father they imagined.

Your husband tells you that sex is off the table because the thought disgusts him, that he no longer wishes to be your husband and that he knew this before the wedding but went ahead anyway. What is it about the addition of the fact that it's because he really wishes he was a woman that means we should advise the OP differently? That we should center his interests in our advice and urge her to seek help to better support him rather than to help her with her own life and wellbeing? Why does the word trans act as a magic charm, which once uttered makes the person and their feelings the most important in any situation with everyone in their vicinity reduced to their support cast, required to prioritise that person over themselves?

Not a single post is transphobic. Not one.

Your opinion to the contrary.

It’s the same old TRA BS bingo card on repeat

transphobia ✅
hateful ✅
bigot ✅
far right ✅
assigned at birth ✅

All because women dare to say no to entitled men with a fetish.

Operation let them speak proves the point over and over again - give em enough rope and they continually hang themselves. Thankfully where got to the point we’re enough light has been shone that it’s clear as day for the quiet majority to see through the screaming

You've read all the comments, have you? Do you not regard it as transphobic to tell the OP, in shouty capitals for emphasis, that she must NEVER let her husband have access to their child, that she should not go alone to meet her husband for own safety, that there's every chance she might be raped? It goes on...

My opinion to the contrary? That doesn't make sense. I don't know what you are trying to say.

Stop replying to each other. You are never going to agree or prove that you are right. You are all going over old ground and clogging up the thread. Just ignore the other person (even if you think they are making goady comments).

This is the Relationships board, not AIBU. Our focus here is in supporting OP, not having a row.

"Incidentally, at the risk of sounding condescending - in order to mansplain you have to be a man."

Ah, but I'm being gender-fluid and all that, see.

No, we won't shut up. Tough shit.

And yes, OP. Your husband is an abusive, lying prick and will remain an abusive, lying prick even if he calls it a clit. His position is intolerable and you should seek an annulment ASAP.

That’s the whole aim of the extreme TRA s - to shut women up. #bekind only works one way with this ideology - women roll over and do as we demand or we’re coming for you.

Thankfully the louder they shout, the more they’re revealing their true agenda which is misogynistic and homophobic.

Have you got anything constructive to say? If not, I suggest you get on with your day. Have a good one.

And all I am 💯 sure of is that if her husband said he was gay and was not attracted to women full stop (but still wanted to remain married) none of this conversation would be happening. No one would be encouraging her to stand by him whilst he ‘lives his truth’.

OP. Just do what feels right for you and your child. Men have long expected women to shut up & put up with a lot of their (not always reasonable) demands. That is no longer the case. We only have one life and you are more than entitled to decide how it should look.

This vindicates my refusal to let MNHQ move the trans widows thread from FWR to Relationships

May I suggest you take your own advice?

Indeed. The Batsignal has gone up for the Batshit and there is nothing TRAs won't colonise, invade and try and derail in suppport of their men's sexual peversions cause, even trying to gaslight a poor in-shock woman that she is twansphobic if she doesn't go along with her gaslighting husbands delusions.

I hope you are still reading OP, and seeing how these men and their handmaidens operate. Hopefully it will show you what you're in for if you dont get out.

OP - I hope you’re ok today, and managing the basics. Water, eat if you can, sleep.

I’m wondering if you’ve told anyone in RL yet? You need support that is just for you.

I'm doing just that, Nutty. I just keep getting interrupted by people who have nothing of substance to say. Thanks for contributing.

I understand your point but the OP is already being accused of transphobia by her husband so in some ways I think it's helpful for her to see how women who are well informed deal with TRA nonsense so that she can remain confident in her decision and not be shamed into staying married even though it's not what she wants.

I hope you're doing ok, OP. I'm so sorry that you've had your world turned upside down.

Your sound like a lovely person. I hope you have friends and family that can support you. Absolutely focus on what you want and need going forward, along with how to minimise disruption to your son.

Ideally you and your ex will be able to reach a polite co-parenting relationship, but don't feel you need to jump to that straight away. Take all the time you need to get over the shock and to mourn what you've lost.

I promise the future will be better. You have so much ahead of you. You can enjoy peace and quiet alone. You can find someone new if that's what you'd like. You will watch your son grow up to be strong and confident. You will find your happiness again.

Wishing you the very best.