I understand how overwhelming this situation must be, but I think it's important to take a step back and consider if you're being a bit selfish in your approach.
She isn't. And for you to imply this is the last thing she needs.
You're framing the annulment as a way to get out of a marriage that isn’t going the way you expected, but you're overlooking the very real emotional journey your husband is going through
No, she's realising the entire marriage is built on a false foundation. And that her husband essentially tried to trap her into staying with him, by waiting until the ink was dry on the marriage certificate to tell her about his 'emotional journey'. Knowing that it's harder to walk away from a marriage than a relationship, and that women like you will come along to act as his flying monkeys and convince her she has an obligation to stay.
His "emotional journey" is not more important than the OP's feelings. He can navigate his own transition, and make his emotional well-being his own priority. OP doesn't owe him her support on this "journey".
Sometimes the things we choose to do in life have consequences. The consequences of OP's husband 'living his truth' is that he loses his wife. A decent man would understand this, and would not put the least pressure on her to stay. He would give her everything she needs in the divorce, give her the apology she deserves for the years he has wasted of her life (and for the horrible shock he's just given her) and then he would walk away, and never let anyone say a word against her for the rest of his life.
He’s shared something deeply personal with you—something he’s likely struggled with for a long time—and instead of being there for him, you're thinking of ending things over an issue that goes beyond just a change in sexual intimacy.
Stop underplaying OP's feelings. For goodness sakes. Sexual intimacy will always ebb and flow in a marriage. That's normal and expected. It is not normal to wait until you're married and then tell your partner that actually, you want to make huge changes to your physical appearance, that will fundamentally affect their attraction to you. Oh, and also, from now on, sex will only be conducted in accordance with a particular sexual fetish. And if they don't accept these conditions, the marriage will become completely sexless.
That's not a "change in sexual intimacy". It's an irredeemable warping of their entire sexual relationship.
That's not a minor or expected issue in a marriage. And OP wasn't aware it could even be a factor when she married this man. He, on the other hand, knew it full well. How is that fair? Fuck him, and his "long struggle".
Yes, it’s hard when the person you love suddenly expresses something so radically different from what you thought was the foundation of your relationship.
It's not just "hard" and "different". It reveals the entire foundation of that relationship to be a fraud. OP has every right to feel betrayed, and every right to walk away.
If her husband was gay, would you tell her to stay and get over it? If she discovered he had used prostitutes for years, or had thousands of pounds of debt he had hidden from her, would you insist he's still the man she loved? This is no different. What her husband has hidden from her here is huge, and fundamentally alters the relationship. He is not the man she thought he was. Not the man she agreed to marry. The person she loves was a fiction.
But this is about his identity and his truth, not just about your personal comfort or the way you thought your life would unfold.
Why is it about his identity? OP had an identity too. As a heterosexual wife to a man she thought she knew. Why does her husband's personal comfort matter more than hers? Why are you shaming her for wanting the marriage she signed up for? Her husband just utterly blindsided her. Why are you so set on minimising the absolute bomb he has just dropped on her life?
It’s clear that you loved him for who he was before, and this might be an opportunity for you to love him through a very painful transformation.
Tell me you're kidding me.
She loved the man she thought he was. She has now discovered no such person exists. He pretended to be someone else. He let her marry and have a child with him, wasting years of her life where she could have had an honest relationship - with a man, like the man she thought she already had. The man she trusted.
He waited to share this side of himself, until she had made a commitment to him in ignorance. And now he's trying to guilt her into staying, instead of having the decency to set her free.
She doesn't have to "love him through it". She can love herself, and leave him.
Relationships change, sometimes in ways that are unexpected and difficult, but that doesn’t mean the commitment you made to each other should be tossed aside when things get complicated.
He hasn't lost his hair. He hasn't lost his job. He hasn't been struck by a sudden illness.
He lied. They are fundamentally incompatible. OP isn't making some frivolous choice to 'toss aside' their marriage. She's walking away from a commitment her husband secured under false pretenses. She only married him because he lied. Put whatever gloss on it you want. That's the truth.
You're focusing on your own discomfort without truly considering the weight of what your husband is going through.
Fine by me.
I realise in the world of the trans cult, we're supposed to see this a gut-wrenching decision he had no control over. That's clearly your perspective. But in the real world, OP's husband is either a closeted gay man, or, more likely, an autogynephile who has let his sexual fetish consume him, to the point where he now feels compelled to womanface full time, and drag other people into it. His wife will be expected to live in service to his fantasy, while everyone else feels sorry for him and handwaves away his abject selfishness.
I could not care less about the feelings of such a man. My compassion is all for his wife, and I'm not ashamed of that.
Till death do us part IMO. This is more about you than him.
OP signed her life away under false pretenses. The marriage contract is null and void already. Besides - the man she thought she married is about to become 'dead' to her anyway. The name she used in her wedding vows will soon be the 'deadname' of someone who never truly existed.
She owes him nothing.
As for "more about you than him" . . . oh, don't make me laugh. Much like your own post, this is all about him. His feelings, his 'journey', his expectations and desires and actions. This entire thing boils down to his self-image. A vulnerable narcissist is still a narcissist.
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Sorry for the wall of text, everyone! But this post exemplifies so many people's attitudes to women who find themselves in this situation, and I really wanted to break down the whole thing. Maybe one day soon it'll stick, and we'll stop seeing this sort of thing aimed at women like OP.