((TW SA)) Sex

[nesw1234]

Name changed for this post.
I have been married to DH for 9 years and together 17 years. Last night DH and I had sex. It was enjoyable until he tried to do anal. He didn’t ask, I wasn’t expecting it. I told him ot hurt. He did pull out and say sorry. I was quite shocked at this point and was holding back tears. What has shocked me as he told me to turn over and finished himself off over me.

I went to the bathroom and just burst into tears. When I came back he was asleep. I was still really upset. It took me ages to fall asleep and I had a rough night. I’m not sure if I’m just being overly sensitive or not.

He penetrated her without consent therefore it's rape.

it is rape OP. He knows full well that would have been agonisingly painful for you and a horrible shock, don’t buy the “carried away in the moment” nonsense.
if you suddenly shoved something up Willy sized up his bum without his knowledge or consent I’m sure he’d be fuming.
maybe contact women’s aid for advice and counselling.

I’m not victim blaming at all… I’m not blaming the op at all and have said hope she’s ok. Never said I agree with what happened I just said in MY opinion I didn’t think it was rape.

Your opinion is wrong. Read up on the law.

What’s going to stop him getting carried away again?
I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

@idontknowwhattochangemynameto yes I understand I could have said no when he turned me over. It all happened so quickly and it didn’t take him long. I was too shocked with what had just happened and was focusing on holding back tears. I just wanted to get off the bed.

@idontknowwhattochangemynameto I sincerely hope you're not called for jury duty.

Good thing you don’t get to set the laws of what is/is not classified as rape. The law is set, and you choosing to ignore it is very worrying indeed.

What on earth would you call ramming your cock in someone's arse without consent if not rape?

Stopping doesn't lessen what he did originally.

And the "could have said no" comment is just horrid - the OP was understandably not in a clear and safe headspace.

I’m slowly working my way through your messages/posts.

I’m currently having a bath so a bit of time to myself whilst he cooks the children’s dinner.

I understand the severity and that this is rape. I’m just struggling to see the person I love and care about do this. I contacted the rapes/crisis messaging service this morning but it timed out before they responded, it only gives you 45 minutes 2 x a week, so I will do that again when I have time. I don’t really have anyone to talk to other than here.

The pain has eased but my thoughts and feeling are the same, confused and struggling to interpret everything. I have a full on week this week with work, which really requires my focus and attention so I’m hoping it will distract me.

OP this is good advice. Rape Crisis can help you process what happened.

You can contact Survivors Trust
https://thesurvivorstrust.org/

Check online for what's available in your area.

@MiloMinderbinder925 thank you this is really helpful.

If they were the judge would make sure they understood the definition.

This is a question i need to ask him.

thank you x

Thank you , this is my thought exactly atm and I will be speaking to him about this. My heads a bit frazzled and I’m trying to process everything

What a wanker
Tell his mother.
I am so sorry that he did this to you .

The concerning aspect putting the assault/rape very much into context is that despite knowing he'd hurt you, physically and emotionally, he still carried on. He dismissed you and continued to pleasure himself. He didn't take on board anything he'd done to you! All he was focused on was himself, and his needs being met.

He's continuing that today. The frosty atmosphere, the sitting on his phone. The token gesture apology and a insincere concern.

I'd be thinking very much about his behaviour in all of this. It's not looking very healthy

He didn't rape you by accident. He had no indication whatsoever that you consented. You have to consent throughout sex.

That doesn't mean your partner asks your permission before each sexual act, but it means that you have shown enthusiasm throughout the act.

For anal sex, you may suggest it, apply lube etc and show without a doubt that you were fully participating. However you said you did it once and didn't like it and he knew that.

There was no discussion that you'd want to do it and no lube was used making it painful. He then masturbated over you without your consent.

Now he seems to be making you responsible for his behaviour and sulking which is very immature, manipulative behaviour.

Trigger warning as women that have experienced rape need to be warned before reading as it’s triggering for them!

And mumsnet have obviously thought the same and added a trigger warning.. it about protecting readers and victims of sexual assault!

I'm so sorry OP. The fact that he could still finish shows that he was excited by it. I can't imagine wanting to keep going with anything sexual after hurting/upsetting my partner, even by accident, and I don't think this sounds accidental but something he wanted to do and had possibly been fantasising about. Please don't feel you should have acted differently. It's very common to be still and cooperative and focused on getting away safely in those circumstances.

Is this part of a pattern of behaviour? I would struggle to move past this, honestly. A lot would depend on how he handles it. You do what you feel you need to do.

Ok then….

I’m not choosing to ignore it… I have in fact been raped in the past I understand how horrific it is.
maybe I have misjudged and not read the post properly. Sorry that MY opinion is wrong. I just hope the OP is ok and will be ok. X

Now I have read your second post, I can see that this was rape, or at the very least attempted rape. You must have a sit down with him and tell him that what he did was attempted rape in law and that you are very upset and disgusted and that he must never ever do such a thing to you again.