((TW SA)) Sex

[nesw1234]

Name changed for this post.
I have been married to DH for 9 years and together 17 years. Last night DH and I had sex. It was enjoyable until he tried to do anal. He didn’t ask, I wasn’t expecting it. I told him ot hurt. He did pull out and say sorry. I was quite shocked at this point and was holding back tears. What has shocked me as he told me to turn over and finished himself off over me.

I went to the bathroom and just burst into tears. When I came back he was asleep. I was still really upset. It took me ages to fall asleep and I had a rough night. I’m not sure if I’m just being overly sensitive or not.

Of course you are not overreacting. He sexually assaulted you and then made you feel like you were in a porn video. Sex is about communication, not just doing what he wants to get off.

His behaviour is not acceptable (and illegal!) and you need to address it. Is this a one off or has he treated you like this before? Was this the first time you had done anal or is it something you have done previously?

If you have never done it before he should have clearly communicated it’s something he wanted to try and got your agreement before you started having sex. If you have done it before he should have known anal takes a lot of preparation and communication. At no point should it have been just shoved in without asking.

@OchreRaven on occassions it can be quite one sided, so more for his pleasure than mine, over and done with in minutes.

It wasn’t the first time I had done anal we did it a few years ago, used lube and was slow. I don’t particularly enjoy it so not done it since. So last night was unexpected as he was quite rough and forceful, he didn’t use lube.

Absolutely awful. So he knew you didn't like it from the time before but still tried it anyway?? That's something where IF he wanted to try it again then he would have to discuss it with you prior to see if you were both on the same page. Op, I'd really consider leaving him because this is not OK.

Anal without discussion, followed by wanking over you?

How’s the rest of the relationship going? This sounds like a sliding doors moment to me as a dispassionate outsider.

Rest of the relationship has been ok. Does his fair share of house work/parenting.

It’s thrown me as it’s just so out of character. I thought I knew him

I’m not entirely sure how to raise it, I will though

How shocking and disgusting. I would never be able to forgive this.

I’d consider this rape. He penetrated you without consent.

I couldn’t get past this.

anal or ordinary sex without asking its assault.
anal needs a lot of talk and prep he should know you did not enjoy the previous time because you had not done it since

Yeah, that’s not good.

if your relationship is otherwise pretty good, would you feel able to have a conversation about it at some point.

mistake on snap has always been ‘you first’ and it’s never gone any further than that. I think this is one of the issues with wider access to material, which has somewhat (very only somewhat) normalised some things that used to be quite out there.

Thats disgusting op how bloody awful.
I hope you put him in his place to day.

Oh gosh OP, I’m so sorry. I read some responses on here and sometimes think MNers are overly harsh on men, but in this case, truly, if my husband did that to me, I would be asking him to move out, even if just temporarily. I would need space from him. He’s made you feel vulnerable in your own home. It would make me look at him in a different light and it would take me a long time to forgive him. I’m so sorry xxx

He sees you as an object to satisfy his sexual desires. No respect at all. You need to reset your relationship or leave

Thank you everyone. I didn’t know where else to turn, I couldn’t speak to anyone in real life.

Once the children are asleep tonight, I will be bring it up. I might ask him to stay at his parents house just so I can have a bit of time to think things through.
@F1LandoFanlove the username, fellow lando fan.

I think this is a good idea.
Explain to him how it made you feel, he took advantage of you in a vulnerable state, he did something he knows you don’t like, and what’s worse, he did it without consent. Explain it’s made you feel very uncomfortable and you feel you need a few days apart. He should respect that, and if he can go to his parents for a few days, he should do that xx

Fingers crossed for qualifying today! x

Disgusting individual!

Sorry but you’ve been violated no other word for it.
Why ? Probably because he thought he could get away with it, make him understand he hasn’t and do what you’ve said, clear off and let me think !

And that’s reasonable me!!!

REAL me would be saying after this reflection period, fine you can come back as long as I can do the same to you!

I’m sorry to ask but you do genuinely feel you are being too sensitive? That’s a bit worrying if you do as it makes wonder if he’s made you feel like this regarding a normal response to something horrible he’s done.

@SnugCoralFinchno I don’t feel that I am being too sensitive. I’m really shaken up. To be honest it made me feel used and it didn’t really matter who it was. I think he knows somethings wrong but I can’t bring it up with the children around.

@Angela59yes I’m thinking of offering to return that favour.

I’m really sore down there and it hurts still today. It was so unexpected and forceful.

The number of people who shout rape on these threads with very little justification are irritating. However in this case I would definitely call it rape.

I just don’t see why they do this.. going in forcefully and dry, it’s not going to be accepted is it, so why try it like that.. it’s as if they think we won’t notice. Erm.. hello!
And I say this as someone who enjoys it sometimes, but it has to be mutual and lube and slow.

@Disturbia81this is it. We were having fun and he just took it too far. I can’t even speak to him. I’m just cleaning and keeping busy.

This was an awful thing to do. I really think this was rape.
Hopefully he'll give you the space you need.
You poor girl x

If it’s sore you need to be careful - anal without any lubrication can lead to micro tears and you can end up with an infection. Similar to you happened to me many years ago and I had such tears and it was about six weeks before I could go to the loo properly. The skin is much thinner back there and prone to damage.

And I’m sorry - this shouldn’t have happened to you. He did this and yes it was assault. Take it from someone who’s previous partner did this three times - three times until I realised what he was doing.

What a bastard. I’m sorry this happened to you, OP.