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Original poster

advice about a man

155 replies

juliet111 · 19/05/2008 22:30

I think I can guess what you're all going to say before I write this...I have been a single parent for 4 years since my son was a baby. I have only had one relationship in that time as I hardly ever get the chance to go out as my son's father lives miles away and doesn't see him. I really miss sex (and a relationship) but sex mostly! On Saturday I went out with a friend who has a 16 year old who babysits for us sometimes and met a man who is a friend of hers.

My friend had been trying to set me up with this man for ages. Anyway, had a few drinks and went back to his...had great sex and a really nice time. I do have some reservations such as I think he's tight with money but to be honest it was just so nice to be with someone I fancied and who fancied me.

Spent Sunday with him and he said a few things about seeing me again - 'such as next time I'll make sure I shave properly...' I had to text him and he said 'I have your number now' so I said 'well call me' and he said he would. He also said he was quite shy (I can come across as not at all shy and quite demanding but am shy really) But we didn't make arrangements to meet up and I'd really like to know whether to text him - just say I had a good time or leave him ...???

OP posts:
Carmenere · 19/05/2008 22:31

Leave it.

SubRosa · 19/05/2008 22:36

Sounds like my dh, be VERY careful of this bloke.

Original poster
juliet111 · 19/05/2008 22:37

Why do you say that SubRosa?

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 19/05/2008 22:42

text him, if he is shy.

Heated · 19/05/2008 22:48

Text him with friendly message about having a nice time. If he's interested or capable of acting on his own initiative (without having situations set up for him) he'll respond and suggest meeting again.

What made you think he was tight?

peanutbear · 19/05/2008 22:50

I would leave it until wednesday maybe he doesnt want to be pushy !!

Original poster
juliet111 · 19/05/2008 23:21

I hate being pushy so I should leave it but I hope I hear from him again

OP posts:
pixiepip · 20/05/2008 08:19

You should leave it. I know how you feel,but this was a 1 night stand, and men being men, he might just have wanted that and no more.

I am not being judgemental of you at all, but make sure you don't get hurt- you might want sex, but does that mean you want all the emotions that go with it? For MOST women that means wanting to see the guy again and feeling an emotional pull- though I am sure some MNs will disagree with that! You come across as being vulnerable to the first man who shows you any attention. try playing a bit harder to get.

You want to be wanted for you, not just because you say "yes" easily- and many men simply want sex. Take care.

Original poster
juliet111 · 20/05/2008 20:44

The thing is all I really want is as someone put it in another thread is a f*ck buddy! (Of course I'd like a relationship if I met the right man but I don't think it is him.) So, I really want to see him as we had a good time in bed and continue with that again!

OP posts:
SheWillBeLoved · 20/05/2008 20:57

If you like him, and he likes you but is the shyer of the two of you - then just text him.

Ask if he would like to meet up this weekend 'because last weekend was fun and it'd be good if it could happen again'.. he'll get the message. You aren't asking him for a nice candlelit dinner, or a romantic stroll along the beach. If that's what he wants to, he'll agree. If not, keep looking.

Just be careful, if it's a fuck buddy you want, then make sure they know the score from the offset.

Original poster
juliet111 · 20/05/2008 21:06

I agree with you 'SheWillBeLoved' in theory. Unfortunatly, I've found that men seem to run a mile from women who do the chasing even if these are the intentions - and I'd be too shy to spell it out...

OP posts:
SheWillBeLoved · 20/05/2008 21:47

Well if you don't try... what's the worst that could happen? He runs a mile - big deal, after one date/shag i'm sure you'll live.

Or, maybe being chased is just what he needs, it could give him an ego boost, and he could 'come out of himself' (not too soon hopefully ) and agree to what you want.

Not all men run a mile, some like the chase for a change.

lou33 · 20/05/2008 21:49

text him, you have nothing to lose

Dior · 20/05/2008 21:52

Message withdrawn

pixiepip · 20/05/2008 22:04

You say you just want sex- but are you saying that because you know he is not offering anything else- and you feel sex with him is better than nothing?

Also- have you considered that you might like him more, the more you see him-or that he might like you more, then you will have to hurt him?

I find it hard to accept that both parties can just want sex indefinitely, because eventually someone moves on.. and that leads to pain.

However, if you feel you can cope and he can, then just ask him.

madamez · 20/05/2008 22:08

Pixiepip: lots of people do have enjoyable sex-only relationships (ie amicable but not sexually exclusive and with no plans to move in together). Just because it doesn;t suit you doesn't mean that it;'s impossible for other people.
Juliet, text him by all means, but if he doesn't reply don't text again. If he doesn;t reply it means he isn;t bothered about seeing you again, so don't bother to chase him.

Baffy · 20/05/2008 22:28

Agree that you shouldn't chase him. But you have nothing to lose with sending 1 text. Be honest with him about what you want and the fact that you enjoyed his company and the sex.

He'll either respond or he won't.

At least you'll have given it a shot.

You won't ever know unless you try!

blueshoes · 20/05/2008 22:35

If you just want a f__kbuddy and happy to do the chasing, text him.

If you want him for something more serious, don't text - you need him to do the chasing for it to work. Otherwise, best for it to die a natural death.

Original poster
juliet111 · 20/05/2008 22:41

thanks but I do agree with Pixiepip in that I may like him more the more I see him. I don't think he's not offering anything else, just that I feel that good sex is better than being alone.

I'm 41, attractive, and a single parent of a 4 year old son. So I hardly get the chance to get out and meet anyone. The chance of a one night stand being great sex to me is a real rarity and a shame to miss out on. Of course I'd like more but I do have doubts about our compatability mainly because I hardly know him and if we just ended up with a good sexual relationship for a while it'd certainly be better than being on my own all the time.

It is true that one of us could end up getting hurt but isn't that always a risk...

OP posts:
pixiepip · 20/05/2008 22:46

madamez- we all know your stance on this! Sometimes i think you reply just to get attention and be provoctative!

What made you think I was talking about what suited me, anyway? I was making a general point that in all relationships people move on-and it is important that people understand their motives for wanting whatever type of relationship that is.

I wouldn't judge you- if you want to shag away, do so-it's none of my business!

blueshoes · 20/05/2008 22:47

Mr In-between is better than nothing. Makes the waiting more pleasant. Go for it then.

Original poster
juliet111 · 20/05/2008 22:48

forgot to say, he cooked me breakfast in bed! then later on the sunday, he cycled from my friend's house to his house to get his money so that he could go to the shop to buy bacon so that he could cook me and my son bacon sandwiches - after I asked him to (I was joking though but he did)!!

OP posts:
Dior · 20/05/2008 22:51

Message withdrawn

Original poster
juliet111 · 20/05/2008 22:53

No not that tight in that way, he was in the pub though and I think he has a bit of a reputation for it. It's something that really puts me off a man. But I thought that that was lovely of him

OP posts:
pixiepip · 20/05/2008 22:53

Juliet- would it make you any less keen on him if you thought he was doing this with lots of other women and not just you?

I understand where you are coming from, but I also think you need to be totally honest- now that you have had 1 night of sex, are your emotions not involved just a tiny bit for this man? and what does he want? Just sex, no strings?

There are lots of men who behave like this with single parents, and their brains/emotions are not engaged at all- it's just an outlet for their urges. I just wonder if when the novelty wears off a bit, in a few weeks, if you will start to think you want more, and some emotional involvement with a man?

Yes, the risk of getting hurt is always there - just don't end up "used" unless you are both happy using each other and have no regrets.