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Original poster

advice about a man

155 replies

juliet111 · 19/05/2008 22:30

I think I can guess what you're all going to say before I write this...I have been a single parent for 4 years since my son was a baby. I have only had one relationship in that time as I hardly ever get the chance to go out as my son's father lives miles away and doesn't see him. I really miss sex (and a relationship) but sex mostly! On Saturday I went out with a friend who has a 16 year old who babysits for us sometimes and met a man who is a friend of hers.

My friend had been trying to set me up with this man for ages. Anyway, had a few drinks and went back to his...had great sex and a really nice time. I do have some reservations such as I think he's tight with money but to be honest it was just so nice to be with someone I fancied and who fancied me.

Spent Sunday with him and he said a few things about seeing me again - 'such as next time I'll make sure I shave properly...' I had to text him and he said 'I have your number now' so I said 'well call me' and he said he would. He also said he was quite shy (I can come across as not at all shy and quite demanding but am shy really) But we didn't make arrangements to meet up and I'd really like to know whether to text him - just say I had a good time or leave him ...???

OP posts:
electra · 20/05/2008 23:40

I think it would be ok to text him. Hmmm these things are always tricky. It is hard to avoid someone developing feelings in a f buddy arrangement ime. The best way to avoid it is don't see each other more than once a week and don't spend nights cuddling after you've had sex.

However it sounds to me as if this guy likes you and you like him - so maybe a relationship is on the cards anyway?

electra · 20/05/2008 23:41

Agree with Dior...

Original poster
juliet111 · 20/05/2008 23:44

thank you...I do like him and think he likes me but feel a f buddy relationship would still be better than nothing espec as the sex is so good! so even though I think we like each other, he hasn't contacted me (I know it's only two days but men usually show straight away if they're keen)

OP posts:
electra · 20/05/2008 23:52

Do they though? My single friends used to talk of a three day rule thing I know where you're coming from though and have felt the same. I had an arrangement with a guy who I liked sexually, but wouldn't want a relationship with and he would do this silly "you text me....why didn't you text me" thing and would then ignore me....then suddenly get in touch again. It became quite annoying. People sometimes play games even within that context which irritates me - I like people to do what they say they're going to do and be up front.

There got that off my chest

Original poster
juliet111 · 20/05/2008 23:54

I know I agree about playing games. It's awful but I still don't know what to do!

OP posts:
electra · 20/05/2008 23:56

Well fwiw if I were you I would text him....see what happens then.

Original poster
juliet111 · 20/05/2008 23:58

yes but why hasn't he contacted me!!!???

OP posts:
electra · 21/05/2008 00:00

Maybe he's waiting to see if you contact him? How did you leave it with him? What was the vibe? As others have said, I would text him simply because you have nothing to lose..

lou33 · 21/05/2008 00:04

what is it with this men has to get in touch first rule?

if you want to contact him do

if he doesnt like it then he wasnt right

if he does, great!

some dont like it but plenty love women making the first move, and if they dont then they are not your kind of guy

electra · 21/05/2008 00:06

lou - it's that "The Rules" philosophy. I agree with you btw.

lou33 · 21/05/2008 00:07

good electra because i think it's a load of old shit, unless you want to be a 1950's lady

Original poster
juliet111 · 21/05/2008 00:09

we left it that he walked back with me to my car and said 'well, I've got your number now' and I said 'well call me' and he said he would. Then I gave him a peck to say goodbye!

OP posts:
electra · 21/05/2008 00:09

Quite

SheWillBeLoved · 21/05/2008 00:10

Just contact him. You're probably both sat there staring at the phoning longing for it to beep - you're not going to get very far if that's the case.

lou33 · 21/05/2008 00:15

electra, i think we would get on lol

electra · 21/05/2008 00:21

Yes I think we would

Have you texted him yet Juliet??

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 21/05/2008 00:34

juliet, if he said he'd call, give him a chance! its only been a couple of days and he may not want to scare you off by being super keen. I would say leave it till Thursday evening and if he has not rung send him a quick light text like Dior suggested and see what happens next.

Good luck. He does sound nice and caring, doesn't sound like the usual "cheers for the fuck, the bus stop is at the end of the road, do yer dishes on the way out and DONT use my toothbrush" kind of arsehole man.

lou33 · 21/05/2008 01:14

There is nothing wrong with wanting a casual fuck buddy/ friend with benefits/ booty call

If that is what you want then tell him

At the risk of being stoned, i just got one of my fb's to come see me, had some fun and sent him back to london

If you both know where you stand then there is nothing wrong with it

nappyaddict · 21/05/2008 01:28

send him a message just saying - had a great time on saturday - thanks! if you want to you could add maybe do it again some time? but i would wait until at least thursday possibly friday.

pixiepip · 21/05/2008 07:57

Let him call you- he said he would! No matter how shy he is, it doesn't take much courage to send a text. If he wants to meet again he'll contact you. Don't seem so desperate.

blueshoes · 21/05/2008 10:12

Yes, even if you want to text (for sex), give it a few days. You need to give him a chance to call you, like he said he would.

I personally would not text if a more serious relationship is your ultimate goal. I agree with 'The Rules', not because we live in the 50s, but because it is all as much about weeding out the less desirable men as it is about finding the right one.

If you set the tone by doing the chasing, he will come to expect you to. I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to do most of the work. Men like to take charge, if they want to in the first place. Otherwise, it is just a convenience thing - f__kbuddy indeed.

Salla · 21/05/2008 14:11

Okay you had sex but I bet you would get something even better if you connected with a man on all levels, ie. liking him, loving him and lusting him. Then it really would be unforgettable. Not sure you can say hand on heart that you feel all those things for this man, when you have only met him once?

pixiepip · 21/05/2008 14:32

Juliet- if you do text him what you have suggested, don't you think it's a bit OTT- I mean, you are basically saying "Here I am- yours for a 1 nighter, 2 nighter, whatever."

And surely if you have any connection at all, he will know it WAS nice for you too!

I know you want to see him again, but don't you think you are setting your sights too low? Wouldn't you like great sex and love as well?

Just because you are single doesn't mean you can't meet men- haven't you got a babysitter? I have a friend who has a young DS and she manages to have a very busy social life- internet dating, friends, parties etc etc.
Ironically, you are more likely to get more of what you want if you pay a bit hard to get. Even if he liked the sex- and which man wouldn't! - he might not like you throwing yourself at him...men like to chase sometimes.

I hope you won't get hurt. I am not making a moral judgement here at all, but a FB just would not work for me, and if i was going to put effort into a relationship it would have to be one that worked on all levels, not just sex. Surely it all feels rather hollow if that's all it is?

madamez · 21/05/2008 15:09

Pixiepip: you are the one projecting. If a FB wouldn't work for you don;t have one, but trading sex for 'commitment' is no indication of moral superiority and indeed having sex because you want to have sex is far more honest than using it as currency.

pixiepip · 21/05/2008 15:18

Madamez- how did I know you would pop up on this one?

CAn you understand the English language or can you not, eh?

If you READ my post you will see that I say "I am not making a moral judgement" and I also say "It would not work for me...". HOW is that PROJECTING?

For goodness' sake, get off your soap box. You are appallingly aggressive- I wonder if you are like this in real life or if you just hide behind anonymity on MN?

This is the 2nd time you have said to me "do you TRADE sex for a relationship". No- it is PART of a relationship for me, and for the vast majority of people. Sorry if that offends you or is not how you live your life.

Sex is NOT a commodity which you seem to imply it is, by trading it.

Why can't you off the OP suggestions instead of always being so quick to pounce on other people. You are just sad.