Shit men on dating apps.

[ThatAquaRobin]

Feel like giving up. I mean seriously what's the bloody point?
I'm 49. I have been chatting to what seemed like a smart intelligent guy (55) for the past week in Whatsapp. Met on bumble.
He checked out ok, one mutual Facebook friend.
We had set up a date for this evening 6.30 and the last message I had was around 8ish last night saying how he was looking forward to it.
Today he cancels at 1pm-ish saying "he's met someone else he likes and wanted to be honest"
Am I naive or is this the norm now?
Honestly I just want to cry
What's the point?

Did you say you hadn't even met this guy yet?

If so, the 'lot of chat' is a waste of time. There are men on there specificly for the chat, to boost their ego.

Never have more than a quick conversation or two before meeting. Quick chat to see if they seem alright then ask them out. And maybe one more quick chat between then and the date. Don't waste time chatting for hours with someone you've never met.

Infact, even after the date, same thing. Keep the talking for in person. Only way to weed out the ones looking for an ego trip instead of to date.

I never ( well once) get as far as bloody meeting them.
It all seems so pointless at my age. 49 isn't even old.

I’m not sure that’s a slow fade
Its ok not to message every day with someone you’ve never met
You messaged him an hour ago and he hasn’t replied - maybe he’s in the middle of something.
You’ve got a plan for next week potentially
What more should really be expected ?

Just preparing myself. I recognize the pattern 😥

Keep your options open. I am sure the person you have plans with is doing the same. You need to be flameproof in the OLD world now x

That’s what I see too, there’s a weird disparity. I guess the majority of people are with people their own age and what’s left are the men who just want sex or can’t get relationships, and then we see the extreme gaps

I know that the guy I am supposed to meet next Sat is using pics that are 5 years old. (Facebook detective work)

So I am trying to tell myself that is the reason he is fading off because he doesn't want to be busted on that.
But it's hard not to take it as a reflection on your own attractiveness or worthiness.

You are only seeing the edited version of anyone on OLD.

In OLD, no-one has B.O., bad teeth/breath/bad hair etc. If only their phone could talk 😆- I am a skinflint, a boozer and "fart and leave the room" kinda guy. How's you?

TBF, one guy's opening convo was "when was the last time you did it? Both in our 50s. Old enough to know and do better IMO. I blocked...

Probably makes it trickier time constraints wise with the kids TBF. But I'd maybe talk to people when you know you have time free in a few days, and after a quick chat, ask them if they are free. That way hopefully they can meet soon. Having to put something in the calender for over a week away is less likely to come to pass.

That kinda depends on what class as “decent”, the men you probably want will almost certainly be married or in a LTR, the only available “decent “ men will the those recently made single, and will be almost certainly be be pretty pissed with women in the age group and not looking to date

Sorry, but at least on this thread you come across quite negative and desperate. “I’m never going to find anyone at 49!!! I quit.” It could come through in your conversations as well. Just chill out and enjoy the process. Surely you didn’t expect to find someone for a relationship every night when you went out to a bar back in the day either.

Also, I find the middle-aged man trashing here surprising. I see hot men (and women) in their 50’s every day where I live and work around London. I’m younger, but would definitely consider them. No idea what the apps are like in my area though.

And is that true of single women too?

I would imagine so, most men looking at women on OLD will probably be wondering why they are not married or in an LTR and what’s wrong with them, and again it’s probably the “recently single “ who do they best , rather than the long term single

Why would a divorce with one person make you pissed off with other people? How bizarre!

Although I guess a man put off by the entire age group his wife was in is unsuitable for dating due to obvious issues!! So probably best they inadvertently filter themselves out 😂

You said the recently single are more likely to be pissed off with the opposite sex

Also, I find the middle-aged man trashing here surprising. I see hot men (and women) in their 50’s every day where I live and work around London. I’m younger, but would definitely consider them. No idea what the apps are like in my area though.

Yes, they are all in relationships.
The ones that aren't are in the apps

that is self evident, just look this forum, it’s mostly women complaining about how awful their ex partners were, and I bet those women get back into relationships with 12 to 24 months as are more used to partnered life than the long term single

divorced and dating women complaining about how shit “ men “, is the bread and butter of this forum and the topic entire discussion thread!

So are you saying you think that recently single people have better luck finding matches than long term single? or the other way round?

I was married for 23 years and I jumped into a rebound relationship within a year of being single and it was a mistake. It was too soon for me.

Now long term single (over 5 years) and nothing wrong with me at all. Im just much more at peace and happy within myself and not prepared to tolerate nonsense just to have a man. I’d rather be single than settle.

I have several really lovely single male friends in their 50’s who are divorced or widowed and now have no interest in settling down again. They do very well with women but they’re not looking for a relationship.

Probably most of them. But good looking people get divorced as well. And it doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s anything wrong with either one of them or that anyone’s done anything specifically wrong.

I would say that people more recently single ( of either gender) are more suited to getting (back ) into relationships as they are more used to the compromises needed , the longer people stay single the less compromises they will put up with, point in question below

Now long term single (over 5 years) and nothing wrong with me at all. Im just much more at peace and happy within myself and not prepared to tolerate nonsense just to have a man. I’d rather be single than settle.

Ok earlier you said recently single men were likely to be pissed off with women and not looking to date.

That’s a bizarre thing to say anyway and implies that every break-up is messy and angry. Which is not at all the case in real-life. But it makes evolutionary sense for men to go with younger women if they can. Most can’t hack it though, even when they look good for their age.