Shit men on dating apps.

[ThatAquaRobin]

Feel like giving up. I mean seriously what's the bloody point?
I'm 49. I have been chatting to what seemed like a smart intelligent guy (55) for the past week in Whatsapp. Met on bumble.
He checked out ok, one mutual Facebook friend.
We had set up a date for this evening 6.30 and the last message I had was around 8ish last night saying how he was looking forward to it.
Today he cancels at 1pm-ish saying "he's met someone else he likes and wanted to be honest"
Am I naive or is this the norm now?
Honestly I just want to cry
What's the point?

I guess I was lucky in meeting a lovely man through OLD who has been as good as the first impression so far.

@JulietBravoRetired me too, they are definitely out there. I met quite a few decent men tbh, but the spark wasn't there for various reasons. Then I met my lovely current partner who suits me down to the ground.

There were lots of what I call dross and my new partner was like a diamond by comparison. 😀

I’m sorry OP but I think you’re overreacting a bit. You were only talking, not exclusive. Most people date a few people and then when something develops they stop dating the other people.

He was perfectly honest.

Well yes clearly! @SapporoBaby
It's taken me a couple of weeks to feel my way with how OLD is now. I last did it in 2007.
I'm supposed to be meeting someone on Sat 24th (we both have kids) but I'm half expecting him to cancel on me now.

I think a fair few ( not all) of these types already have a primary relationship and just do it for ‘entertainment and an ego buzz’ and then of course if it involves meeting get cold feet

The younger men are looking for that MILF experience and lower levels of commitment

women in their 20s and 30s tend to be looking more towards commitment/ marriage/ children, things that are less appealing these days

divorced older men are just looking for younger as their exwives are probably in the latter 40s / 50s and they don’t want that again

But is anyone actually getting anywhere?

Do any women my age actually take up these kids on their offer and give them a MILF experience. I certainly can't be arsed with that.
And do any women in their 30s want a man in his 50s? Maybe if they're desperate for kids and time is running out?

There's nothing that never happens (I had a fling with a 27 year old at 49 because he was really sweet and fit and it was a lot of fun, and saw a couple of men in theur 30s) but in the vast majority of cases, people meet up with people who have lives that look roughly like each others', just as they've always done.

I think this is true. Men who don’t want commitment but do want sex (try) and go for women who are either older or younger (and therefore I guess potentially less likely to consider them relationship potential).

women rarely want older men sexually, but the younger men doing this do ok- as long as they’re not too young!

so does that mean that if there are barely any matches around your own age- that there are barely any men not wanting casual sex?! I would find that so depressing!!

so does that mean that if there are barely any matches around your own age- that there are barely any men not wanting casual sex?! I would find that so depressing

Well yes that is the reality. I guess it leads some women to lower their standards to the aged 60+ potato heads who send "how's u?" But not me.
Bring single is better than that.
I think men 45-55 filter me out.

Why would you go for a 60 something for casual sex when you can have a 30 something though?!

@ThatAquaRobin but do you know any decent men of that age in real life? I don't think i do unless married (they married young). I genuinely think that eligible men in that age group are already in long term relationships

But apparently even if you are a woman in your 30s you still can’t find a match your age. All the 30 year old men are looking for casual sex with women in their 50s!

It must be an OLD thing though as people I know who have met their partners irl all seem to be happy and committed with similar age people

Getting the slow fade from the guy I'm supposed to be meeting next weekend.
Fully expected this too.
Honestly OLD is like pulling teeth.

That's quite a gap. Easy for chat with a stranger to fade. Would you not be better planning a date just a few days in advance? And make sure it's a quick coffee type date.

Yes in an ideal world, but when you both have kids....

How old are your kids? If there has to be a long gap then I guess just keep chat to a minimum once you have both made the plan to meet. And be honest about it so he can appreciate you dont want the fade out. If he has any experience of OLD he will get it.

Mine are both under 12 so can't leave them. His similar.
We had a lot of chat Tues-Thurs including phone.
I left it all of Friday (nothing)
Just sent him a breezy text today about an hour ago.
I won't text again if I don't get anything back now.
Sigh.

Yeah sometimes it can burn out. I appreciate your circumstances though. Just have to keep minimal chat ticking over if you realise there will be a long gap. Avoid the temptation to hit that chatting all the time phase too quickly.

At least he was honest I guess. Better than stringing you along or keeping you as a Plan B. I’m so glad I’m too old for all this stuff!

Well it feels like I am too. I certainly seem to be too old for any of the (very few) attractive guys in my age range.

Remember you’re not too old for them. Just that they’re only after casual sex. There will be a few normal ones around I’m sure too

In my (quite limited!) experience, a lot of people use the apps to meet people and they enjoy the ego boost of messaging etc. but few turn into actual dates. I’m trying to adjust my mindset and not get attached, and arrange a meet up asap. Hard with a 9 year old and little childcare support, but I’m making it clear within a few days of messaging etc. that I am interested in meeting up for coffee or similar, and then that tends to weed out the time wasters. If they don’t commit to a date then I say I’m not interested and wish them well. It’s so hard though, especially when the messaging leads to feeling a ‘connection’ and I have to remind myself not to get carried away just cos something might have potential.

I only meet someone if I was 'going there anyway' - going to town and passing a coffee shop, going to the gym, etc. That way if they cancel then I'm not disappointed.