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Original poster

Shit men on dating apps.

410 replies

ThatAquaRobin · 10/05/2025 14:13

Feel like giving up. I mean seriously what's the bloody point?
I'm 49. I have been chatting to what seemed like a smart intelligent guy (55) for the past week in Whatsapp. Met on bumble.
He checked out ok, one mutual Facebook friend.
We had set up a date for this evening 6.30 and the last message I had was around 8ish last night saying how he was looking forward to it.
Today he cancels at 1pm-ish saying "he's met someone else he likes and wanted to be honest"
Am I naive or is this the norm now?
Honestly I just want to cry
What's the point?

OP posts:
Fluffypotatoe123987 · 14/05/2025 16:37

I've so far been lucky. I've set my standards high. They need.

  1. A well.paid job over 40k as that's what I earn and I am fed up of being the higher earner. So look at their jobs.
  1. No kids I have 2 don't want blended families.
  2. They don't want kids I tell them upfront I don't have them and have been sterilised.
  3. A CAR and licence.
  4. Their own home which is mortgaged.

I've met 1 person who has it all he's 33 and I'm 35. He has little experience of relationships having only had 1. He's either at work on his project as he some engineer in management or he's teaching kids to fly for the raf cadets. So he's limited time. But tbh going well.

Smithey885 · 14/05/2025 17:21

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 14/05/2025 16:37

I've so far been lucky. I've set my standards high. They need.

  1. A well.paid job over 40k as that's what I earn and I am fed up of being the higher earner. So look at their jobs.
  1. No kids I have 2 don't want blended families.
  2. They don't want kids I tell them upfront I don't have them and have been sterilised.
  3. A CAR and licence.
  4. Their own home which is mortgaged.

I've met 1 person who has it all he's 33 and I'm 35. He has little experience of relationships having only had 1. He's either at work on his project as he some engineer in management or he's teaching kids to fly for the raf cadets. So he's limited time. But tbh going well.

What if they own their own home outright with no mortgage?

Tidekiln · 14/05/2025 17:24

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 14/05/2025 16:37

I've so far been lucky. I've set my standards high. They need.

  1. A well.paid job over 40k as that's what I earn and I am fed up of being the higher earner. So look at their jobs.
  1. No kids I have 2 don't want blended families.
  2. They don't want kids I tell them upfront I don't have them and have been sterilised.
  3. A CAR and licence.
  4. Their own home which is mortgaged.

I've met 1 person who has it all he's 33 and I'm 35. He has little experience of relationships having only had 1. He's either at work on his project as he some engineer in management or he's teaching kids to fly for the raf cadets. So he's limited time. But tbh going well.

I'm confused between your second point 1 and point 2 😆

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2025 18:24

User135644 · 14/05/2025 15:12

Ironically younger men do it because they're not getting anywhere with women their own age who have the pick of everyone.

Show quote history

No they have their pick, I’ve seen young men reject young women and make a beeline for an older one. they just prefer older women. I’ve asked a few about it and they find younger women immature and love older womens confidence and sexiness.
I guess same as younger women wanting older men, except that’s more likely to have a money element. So less of a true attraction.

JenniferBooth · 14/05/2025 18:35

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2025 18:24

No they have their pick, I’ve seen young men reject young women and make a beeline for an older one. they just prefer older women. I’ve asked a few about it and they find younger women immature and love older womens confidence and sexiness.
I guess same as younger women wanting older men, except that’s more likely to have a money element. So less of a true attraction.

Show quote history

Older men i have dated, been in relationship with and married,
Hospital porter
Care worker (ex engineer)
Delivery driver.

I find the assumption that the preference for an older man is about money incredibly misogynistic. Maybe women go for older men because the mens minds have been less brain brainwashed by internet porn and dont find pubic hair on women disgusting

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2025 18:43

JenniferBooth · 14/05/2025 18:35

Older men i have dated, been in relationship with and married,
Hospital porter
Care worker (ex engineer)
Delivery driver.

I find the assumption that the preference for an older man is about money incredibly misogynistic. Maybe women go for older men because the mens minds have been less brain brainwashed by internet porn and dont find pubic hair on women disgusting

Show quote history

It is about money a lot of the time, they can give a lifestyle that they want.
But I didn’t say all. You obviously aren’t one of them.

Original poster
ThatAquaRobin · 14/05/2025 19:06

Just cannot fancy the older men on OLD. They give me the ick.

OP posts:
JenniferBooth · 14/05/2025 19:07

ThatAquaRobin · 14/05/2025 19:06

Just cannot fancy the older men on OLD. They give me the ick.

Met all mine pre internet dating.

Gymbunny2025 · 14/05/2025 19:09

ThatAquaRobin · 14/05/2025 19:06

Just cannot fancy the older men on OLD. They give me the ick.

Even if you did- presumably at their age they would be much more likely to have ED or other health issues. Not what you need to be dealing with at 49!!

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2025 19:19

ThatAquaRobin · 14/05/2025 19:06

Just cannot fancy the older men on OLD. They give me the ick.

Women generally age better and look after themselves more so it can feel like the men are much older.

Original poster
ThatAquaRobin · 14/05/2025 19:43

Also, the one I spoke to last night (who I queried if he really is 52) is using a photo that's 5 years old. (Little bit of Facebook detective work)
He's disappeared anyway.

OP posts:
Crushed23 · 14/05/2025 21:04

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2025 19:19

Women generally age better and look after themselves more so it can feel like the men are much older.

Show quote history

This is so true. Women in their 40s that I know look like they’re in their prime, especially if they haven’t had kids, whereas their male counterparts just look like old men? It’s not down to women ageing better though, it’s down to better self-care. Evidenced by the fact that gay men in their 40s look good too - great skin, hair, teeth, physique, dress sense, posture.

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2025 21:12

Crushed23 · 14/05/2025 21:04

This is so true. Women in their 40s that I know look like they’re in their prime, especially if they haven’t had kids, whereas their male counterparts just look like old men? It’s not down to women ageing better though, it’s down to better self-care. Evidenced by the fact that gay men in their 40s look good too - great skin, hair, teeth, physique, dress sense, posture.

Show quote history

True you’re right, it might look more equal if we didn’t make all the effort we do.
It’s easy for men to end up looking like a potato, rough faces with pot bellies and balding, bad teeth. Men who make the effort really stand out. I love going to places like London and seeing what men can look like if they try! And yes gay men prove they can be very attractive as they get older 😆
I once read that the reason gay men make an effort is because men are more visual. Absolute bollocks, women want an attractive partner too. Maybe they’d keep getting sex if we fancied them!

mepipesneedlagging · 14/05/2025 22:32

The comment about guys turning to older women because they can't get younger women.. As an older resolutely-single-and- happy-to- mingle-older-woman I can categorically confirm that's the biggest load of old bollocks I've ever heard😁🤫

Jacarandill · 14/05/2025 23:00

JenniferBooth · 14/05/2025 15:03

And yet the younger men being talked about on this thread arent being referred to as cocklodgers Internalised misogyny at its finest

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Well that’s because (in general) they’re not. In my experience they want hot sex with an older, experienced woman who isn’t into games and drama. They’re not interested in money.

My ex’s experience of younger women online, however, was that they only seemed interested in the lifestyle he could provide. He never actually dated any of them by the way, it was just a conversation we had.

Jacarandill · 14/05/2025 23:03

Sodthesystem · 14/05/2025 14:36

So he was a scumball then.

No younger women dating older men are not all gold diggers. Can't believe you think this asshole is a catch. Men who use the phrase GOLDDIGGER are all, all mysoginists.

Show quote history

Woah. No, he wasn’t a scumball. He could have shagged any one of those women and then ditched them, but he didn’t go near them because they were only after his money.

And I never said ALL younger women who want an older man are like this, it just seems to be a lot.

Edited to add: I also didn’t say I thought he was a catch. I wonder why you’ve made so many assumptions in your response?

Crushed23 · 14/05/2025 23:07

mepipesneedlagging · 14/05/2025 22:32

The comment about guys turning to older women because they can't get younger women.. As an older resolutely-single-and- happy-to- mingle-older-woman I can categorically confirm that's the biggest load of old bollocks I've ever heard😁🤫

Exactly. If there was a grain of truth to this, there wouldn’t be an incel problem, would there. Because all the young men who were being relentlessly rejected by young women would just turn to older women who… famously have lower standards?! 🧐

Jacarandill · 14/05/2025 23:13

It’s not that younger men can’t get girls their own age. It’s that the girls their age are flaky, obsessed with their appearance, clingy and dramatic and the young men have had enough.

They can get amazing sex with a beautiful, more experienced woman without any of the drama and not have to worry about commitment because we’re not that bothered 😂

Win win.

SantasLargerHelper · 15/05/2025 06:12

They can get amazing sex with a beautiful, more experienced woman without any of the drama and not have to worry about commitment because we’re not that bothered 😂

Exactly this. Plus I think they are fascinated by our experience and maturity. I had such a great time with all the younger men I dated. It was fun, great sex and no overthinking.

Jacarandill · 15/05/2025 06:39

SantasLargerHelper · 15/05/2025 06:12

They can get amazing sex with a beautiful, more experienced woman without any of the drama and not have to worry about commitment because we’re not that bothered 😂

Exactly this. Plus I think they are fascinated by our experience and maturity. I had such a great time with all the younger men I dated. It was fun, great sex and no overthinking.

Me too.

And every single one came back asking for more 😂

Tidekiln · 15/05/2025 06:46

Jacarandill · 15/05/2025 06:39

Me too.

And every single one came back asking for more 😂

Show quote history

Easy sex, just fun, no over thinking, no commitment, no chance/less chance of pregnancy- yeah you can see why young men would go for that!

Disturbia81 · 15/05/2025 08:06

Tidekiln · 15/05/2025 06:46

Easy sex, just fun, no over thinking, no commitment, no chance/less chance of pregnancy- yeah you can see why young men would go for that!

Show quote history

I’ve had a few want more from me than I could give and told them I want to stay free, and haven’t heard from them again.
People are individuals.. they like others for different reasons, they want different things. Some want commitment some don’t.

Tidekiln · 15/05/2025 08:37

Disturbia81 · 15/05/2025 08:06

I’ve had a few want more from me than I could give and told them I want to stay free, and haven’t heard from them again.
People are individuals.. they like others for different reasons, they want different things. Some want commitment some don’t.

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I suppose that's one advantage to being a woman. You can reach a certain age, use younger men for sex and not have to worry about being labeled a creep or worse. Worse thing we might get called is a cougar 😆

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 15/05/2025 10:28

Tidekiln · 14/05/2025 17:24

I'm confused between your second point 1 and point 2 😆

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Haha I don't want kids i have kids already and I'm not having anymore. I cba with dealing with other women and rules etc.

Tidekiln · 15/05/2025 11:56

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 15/05/2025 10:28

Haha I don't want kids i have kids already and I'm not having anymore. I cba with dealing with other women and rules etc.

Show quote history

Your point 2 says you tell them upfront you dont have them. Do you mean as in they are older so dont live with you, is that what you mean?