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Shit men on dating apps.

410 replies

ThatAquaRobin · 10/05/2025 14:13

Feel like giving up. I mean seriously what's the bloody point?
I'm 49. I have been chatting to what seemed like a smart intelligent guy (55) for the past week in Whatsapp. Met on bumble.
He checked out ok, one mutual Facebook friend.
We had set up a date for this evening 6.30 and the last message I had was around 8ish last night saying how he was looking forward to it.
Today he cancels at 1pm-ish saying "he's met someone else he likes and wanted to be honest"
Am I naive or is this the norm now?
Honestly I just want to cry
What's the point?

OP posts:
slowlyfallingtobits · 18/05/2025 22:02

Tidekiln · 18/05/2025 20:18

So how did it go?

Nice bloke,cute dog ,pleasant walk but no sparks ... To be fair he was a lovely normal,polite respectful guy that didn't fancy me .I didn't fancy him either ...

LemonLass · 18/05/2025 22:35

slowlyfallingtobits · 18/05/2025 22:02

Nice bloke,cute dog ,pleasant walk but no sparks ... To be fair he was a lovely normal,polite respectful guy that didn't fancy me .I didn't fancy him either ...

@slowlyfallingtobits so would that be the end of it from both of your viewpoints (no initial physical attraction) or worth another meet before deciding to write it off? And did the dogs hit it off?

Any more irons in the fire?

Good luck going forward
X

slowlyfallingtobits · 18/05/2025 22:56

@LemonLass That's it...We are over an hour away from each other so there's not much point in going on another date in the hope there will be a sparks flying! No more irons in the fire at the moment but working on itSmile

CallmePaul · 18/05/2025 23:46

ThatAquaRobin · 10/05/2025 14:29

Not sure I am thick skinned enough for it.

Ha I'm your age & a dad & I've not tried it, I'm not sure I'm cut out for it either!

So you are braver than me.

I just can't really get my head around OLD if I'm honest, something about the whole picking a date off the human version of the Argos catalogue without ever having met them yet, that just makes me feel it's bizarre.

LemonLass · 19/05/2025 06:47

CallmePaul · 18/05/2025 23:46

Ha I'm your age & a dad & I've not tried it, I'm not sure I'm cut out for it either!

So you are braver than me.

I just can't really get my head around OLD if I'm honest, something about the whole picking a date off the human version of the Argos catalogue without ever having met them yet, that just makes me feel it's bizarre.

Edited

@CallmePaul it is a challenge when you have to basically believe a stranger - what they/we say about ourselves. It is bound to be the best parts rather than why some are single eg emotionally immature, infidelity, lazy, misogyny, broke, scammer/catfisher (long list).

It is a shark pool and as long as you go into it aware and prepared, you can succeed. The App being a commercial enterprise tells us that people (we) are prepared to pay and take a chance to find our "someone" because our day to day life doesnt bring is into contact with a potential beau/belle.

It isnt about me but, for example, have had many OLD first dates, turning into a handful of possibles. 3 of those turned into relationships.

It came to light one struggled with bipolar and chronic moneypinching to the point of nevet even buying a coffee.

Another was longer distance and was single due to lack lustre effort. He prioritised football and friends. That is fine (for him) but not what I signed up for (to date a confirmed batchelor).

Last one was the long game. Funny, charming, easy on the eye. Always wanting to borrow money. He is back on the apps (he used them like a pin ball machine except his wins were s3x and chance to "borrow and bolt" with someone's cash).

My point of the above is not one of them said those things in their profile. It was my task to keep safe and find out. It hasnt put me off but it is about timing and not investing too much emotionally. OLD can be fake or flakey but it can also work out.

Long explaination but hope it gives context and helps your understanding.

Jacarandill · 19/05/2025 08:25

@CallmePaul

It’s no different to meeting someone in a bar or pub though really. In fact, you know more about them, like where they live, what they do for a living etc. You wouldn’t know if someone had issues with money/commitment etc if you met them in real life either.

You can’t see it like a ‘blind date’ but rather a way to facilitate meeting people. You can have a glass of wine with anyone for an hour. If they’re not for you, move on.

LemonLass · 19/05/2025 09:18

@Jacarandill nailed it with "You can’t see it like a ‘blind date’ but rather a way to facilitate meeting people. You can have a glass of wine with anyone for an hour. If they’re not for you, move on".

That way if the person is "sh1t" (as per title of thread), no biggy

TwistedWonder · 19/05/2025 09:43

CallmePaul · 18/05/2025 23:46

Ha I'm your age & a dad & I've not tried it, I'm not sure I'm cut out for it either!

So you are braver than me.

I just can't really get my head around OLD if I'm honest, something about the whole picking a date off the human version of the Argos catalogue without ever having met them yet, that just makes me feel it's bizarre.

Edited

That’s exactly how it felt for me. It was all back to front and I really couldn’t feel attraction to a photo so my matches were minimal.

I found it far too strange to work for me.

IceAndShadow · 19/05/2025 09:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Piccante · 19/05/2025 13:32

ThatAquaRobin · 10/05/2025 16:54

Well I can see that. It's just depressing.
I'm too young to never have sex again

I've name changed for this, but as a 54 year old woman currently shagging a very hot, very smart 43 year old I met on Hinge, it doesn't have to be this way, but, yep, there is a lot of sorting the wheat from the chaff to be done.

LemonLass · 23/05/2025 22:30

Well the trail has gone cold here, mommas. Anyone have any OLD updates or dates?

Crushed23 · 24/05/2025 02:13

LemonLass · 23/05/2025 22:30

Well the trail has gone cold here, mommas. Anyone have any OLD updates or dates?

We’re over on the Dating Thread - come join!

Mrspinknails · 24/05/2025 20:39

Piccante · 19/05/2025 13:32

I've name changed for this, but as a 54 year old woman currently shagging a very hot, very smart 43 year old I met on Hinge, it doesn't have to be this way, but, yep, there is a lot of sorting the wheat from the chaff to be done.

As a 46 year old I'm very jealous.

ThatAquaRobin · 25/09/2025 13:57

It's still shit.
So far I met an addicted narcissist who manipulated me for 3 months.
One guy I fancied for a coffee date but he didn't fancy me.
One guy who was nice but didn't smile the whole.date. no chemistry at all.
One guy who has just breadcrumbed.me for 2 weeks until the penny dropped
Crap.

OP posts:
Iamfree · 25/09/2025 14:15

But OP, the main rule is multi date. I had an initial chat with lots of men and then focused on no less than 4 that I liked. I work full time so I couldn’t talk too much anyway, I kept dating 2 until I was sure (no sex). Are you smart, articulate too? I am and was expecting a man matching my standards not any toothless tinder man honestly. Had to be a professional and we had to connect on LinkedIn if the chat moved on as I needed to make sure he was a real person and single too. So that’s my advice

ThatAquaRobin · 25/09/2025 14:25

Yes I am smart and articulate but 49. My age seems to rule me out with the men I want to meet. I don't want to date a pensioner. Fit smart guys my age want to date women 10 years younger.

OP posts:
BeEagerTurtle · 25/09/2025 17:21

ThatAquaRobin · 25/09/2025 13:57

It's still shit.
So far I met an addicted narcissist who manipulated me for 3 months.
One guy I fancied for a coffee date but he didn't fancy me.
One guy who was nice but didn't smile the whole.date. no chemistry at all.
One guy who has just breadcrumbed.me for 2 weeks until the penny dropped
Crap.

One guy I fancied for a coffee date but he didn't fancy me.
One guy who was nice but didn't smile the whole.date. no chemistry at all.

This doesn’t make them shit men - just men who don’t fancy you - not everyone in the world is going to like you or want you - in the same way you not wanting old men

ThatAquaRobin · 25/09/2025 17:28

@BeEagerTurtle yes I agree. The title was about a different man.
The one I fancied wasn't interested in me.
I wasn't interested in the last one. Think it was mutual anyway.
Not many are interested in me full stop so it's a shit situation all round.
I think there comes a stalemate at some point when women my age late 40s don't want to date men that are a lot older. Similarly men 10 years older than me also don't want to date women their own age either.

OP posts:
TheSuperfluousWoman · 25/09/2025 21:08

ThatAquaRobin · 10/05/2025 14:13

Feel like giving up. I mean seriously what's the bloody point?
I'm 49. I have been chatting to what seemed like a smart intelligent guy (55) for the past week in Whatsapp. Met on bumble.
He checked out ok, one mutual Facebook friend.
We had set up a date for this evening 6.30 and the last message I had was around 8ish last night saying how he was looking forward to it.
Today he cancels at 1pm-ish saying "he's met someone else he likes and wanted to be honest"
Am I naive or is this the norm now?
Honestly I just want to cry
What's the point?

Men very often have several irons in the fire. I know it s!cks.
This "I have met someone else and wanted to be honest" line is a classic. I got it several times myself. Literally!!! Do these guys have a club where they draft these lines I wonder :-D?
The fact is: no you were not being honest, dude. You were acting like you were really interested in meeting but you were just keeping that woman as one of your options. And it's well possible that the other women already engaged in some sexting so that he knew there was a good chance of getting laid soon with her.
The problem is that if you want to meet someone via OLD you have no choice than to accept that this is the MO of many men. You are participating in an episode of "The Bachelor", whether you want it or not. The best thing that can happen is that he is indeed a bachelor.
Guys in their 50ies who are not total losers have their pick of - mostly younger - women.
This is one of the reasons I gave up OLD. I just don't want to participate in a kind of comparative test. Especially not if it is often the women who put out most who get picked. It's degrading if this is the way to "get" a man.
Oh BTW, do not be surprised that if it does not work out with that woman he might come back to you.

Littlemrsconfetti · 25/09/2025 21:12

If you are looking f9r a relationship you definitely will have to preserve OP.

I've met some decent people on OLD. I know Hinge has an option to pay for the app perhaps give that a try? I've been dating someone from Hinge and now in a relationship. It's definitely not easy OLD!!

Crushed23 · 25/09/2025 21:50

TheSuperfluousWoman · 25/09/2025 21:08

Men very often have several irons in the fire. I know it s!cks.
This "I have met someone else and wanted to be honest" line is a classic. I got it several times myself. Literally!!! Do these guys have a club where they draft these lines I wonder :-D?
The fact is: no you were not being honest, dude. You were acting like you were really interested in meeting but you were just keeping that woman as one of your options. And it's well possible that the other women already engaged in some sexting so that he knew there was a good chance of getting laid soon with her.
The problem is that if you want to meet someone via OLD you have no choice than to accept that this is the MO of many men. You are participating in an episode of "The Bachelor", whether you want it or not. The best thing that can happen is that he is indeed a bachelor.
Guys in their 50ies who are not total losers have their pick of - mostly younger - women.
This is one of the reasons I gave up OLD. I just don't want to participate in a kind of comparative test. Especially not if it is often the women who put out most who get picked. It's degrading if this is the way to "get" a man.
Oh BTW, do not be surprised that if it does not work out with that woman he might come back to you.

But don’t women do this too? When I was OLD, I was always chatting to at least a couple of guys. If I hit it off on date 1 or 2 with someone, I would often go cold on other guys I’d been chatting to, as what’s the point in meeting and stringing them along when I’ve met someone who I am more attracted to / more compatible with? Surely it’s better to be honest?

TheSuperfluousWoman · 25/09/2025 22:04

Crushed23 · 25/09/2025 21:50

But don’t women do this too? When I was OLD, I was always chatting to at least a couple of guys. If I hit it off on date 1 or 2 with someone, I would often go cold on other guys I’d been chatting to, as what’s the point in meeting and stringing them along when I’ve met someone who I am more attracted to / more compatible with? Surely it’s better to be honest?

Of course I often would be chatting with several guys, also because you cannot plan when people will reply to you. And I might actually meet up with more than one in a certain period. But as friends. If this guys says "he has met someone" rest assured he most probably already slept with that woman.
I honestly need more than 1 or 2 dates to hit it off with someone. I need to know someone to develop feelings and that's not possible after just a few dates.
I don't expect a man to not chat with other women on a dating site but I have an issue with making nice while chatting with a woman when you are doing exactly the same thing with another one.
If feelings would have developed with a man I would of course have stuck to that one contact but to be honest that never happened in OLD for me. I think that the fact that I was not "putting out" quickly enough always made them conclude there was no chemistry.
In the end many of the couples formed OLD are not because the people are really in love, it's more that they both play the same game. That's especially important in OLD because many approach it in a very functional way.
Does not say anything about the quality of the relationship they will have.

TheSuperfluousWoman · 25/09/2025 22:07

TheSuperfluousWoman · 25/09/2025 22:04

Of course I often would be chatting with several guys, also because you cannot plan when people will reply to you. And I might actually meet up with more than one in a certain period. But as friends. If this guys says "he has met someone" rest assured he most probably already slept with that woman.
I honestly need more than 1 or 2 dates to hit it off with someone. I need to know someone to develop feelings and that's not possible after just a few dates.
I don't expect a man to not chat with other women on a dating site but I have an issue with making nice while chatting with a woman when you are doing exactly the same thing with another one.
If feelings would have developed with a man I would of course have stuck to that one contact but to be honest that never happened in OLD for me. I think that the fact that I was not "putting out" quickly enough always made them conclude there was no chemistry.
In the end many of the couples formed OLD are not because the people are really in love, it's more that they both play the same game. That's especially important in OLD because many approach it in a very functional way.
Does not say anything about the quality of the relationship they will have.

This said my response rate in OLD was far from great so very often I was just in contact with one guy. Because there was only one who reacted to me which I found interesting.
I was never afraid not to have no contacts for periods. Because why chatting with someone whose profile did not appeal to me. In any case if someone had a decent profile and contacted me in a decent way - more than just "Hi", I would always answer that I did not think we were a match.

Meena50 · 26/09/2025 04:21

Crushed23 · 24/05/2025 02:13

We’re over on the Dating Thread - come join!

@Crushed23 I used to go on that thread before but it's become really weird with one or two posters who sound completely bonkers going on and on about how many men like them, not sure if they are trolls designed to wind up the singletons but its certainly gone silent as a thread. Definitely changed.

Meena50 · 26/09/2025 04:28

@ThatAquaRobin I recently started back looking at a similar age and was surprised by much older men in their 60s liking me. I look great for my age facially as do my friends but these men look really old. Made me think that men my age logically must be looking at women at least 10 years younger. I think online dating has had its day.