Page 13 | Shit men on dating apps.

ThatAquaRobin · 2025-05-10T13:13:59+00:00

Feel like giving up. I mean seriously what's the bloody point? I'm 49. I have been chatting to what seemed like a smart intelligent guy (55) for the past week in Whatsapp. Met on bumble. He checked out ok, one mutual Facebook friend. We had set up a date for this evening 6.30 and the last message I had was around 8ish last night saying how he was looking forward to it. Today he cancels at 1pm-ish saying "he's met someone else he likes and wanted to be honest" Am I naive or is this the norm now? Honestly I just want to cry What's the point?

TwistedWonder · 18/05/2025 11:26

Lack of honesty is my main gripe - if you are not looking for commitment just be upfront early on.

That’s why I gave up. I lost bling of the men my age and older who said they wee look g for long term but not right now or said ‘I know you say you’re not looking for casual but…’
Add to that the sleazy or cringey messages before a date even happened.

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 18/05/2025 11:38

Be thankful you’re not being bombarded by weirdness. I was going to meet a guy this weekend but over three days he’s now sent me 21 selfies of himself and a video. Not dodgy ones thankfully. No chat except for why are you not responding, do you not like my photos? I’m going to block.
Then one who messaged constantly when he knew I was out with friends on Friday, wanting to know why I wasn’t replying. Not met either, not going to. Where are the normal men?

TwistedWonder · 18/05/2025 11:44

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 18/05/2025 11:38

Be thankful you’re not being bombarded by weirdness. I was going to meet a guy this weekend but over three days he’s now sent me 21 selfies of himself and a video. Not dodgy ones thankfully. No chat except for why are you not responding, do you not like my photos? I’m going to block.
Then one who messaged constantly when he knew I was out with friends on Friday, wanting to know why I wasn’t replying. Not met either, not going to. Where are the normal men?

I’ve had those. One who sent me 4/5/6 selfies a day before we met then told me he’d booked a hotel for us after our date!

The one I met in the wild who before I’d even got out of bed the morning after we exchanged numbers sent me a selfie then messaged non stop all day long before calling me about 3 worried because I hadn’t replied - I’m at work ffs!

And the one I still giggle about who after a couple of messages sent me a video of him dad dancing in his living room and asked what I thought - I had no words!

Tidekiln · 18/05/2025 11:47

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 18/05/2025 11:38

Be thankful you’re not being bombarded by weirdness. I was going to meet a guy this weekend but over three days he’s now sent me 21 selfies of himself and a video. Not dodgy ones thankfully. No chat except for why are you not responding, do you not like my photos? I’m going to block.
Then one who messaged constantly when he knew I was out with friends on Friday, wanting to know why I wasn’t replying. Not met either, not going to. Where are the normal men?

Thats grim isnt it. They must be very desperate to be like that. Did he send one or two selfies and not get much of a response so for some reason thought he'd better send a load more until you were impressed with one of them. What goes through their mind!

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 18/05/2025 11:54

He sent me 15 selfies and the video all in one go. I didn’t reply. So his response was to keep sending more! He’s attractive so I thought he might want an ego boost, but this behaviour is so offputting I don’t care how fit he is, we’re not meeting up. He’s not even young or naive, he’s pushing 50 so should know better.

Tidekiln · 18/05/2025 11:56

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 18/05/2025 11:54

He sent me 15 selfies and the video all in one go. I didn’t reply. So his response was to keep sending more! He’s attractive so I thought he might want an ego boost, but this behaviour is so offputting I don’t care how fit he is, we’re not meeting up. He’s not even young or naive, he’s pushing 50 so should know better.

Yes I wouldnt meet a guy like that either. Unhinged behaviour.

slowlyfallingtobits · 18/05/2025 12:13

Wish me luck ..I have a 3pm date with a 59 year old (I'm 57) Been chatting for a week and a couple of phone calls .No red flags so far !
I'll report back later ...

LemonLass · 18/05/2025 12:24

slowlyfallingtobits · 18/05/2025 12:13

Wish me luck ..I have a 3pm date with a 59 year old (I'm 57) Been chatting for a week and a couple of phone calls .No red flags so far !
I'll report back later ...

Good luck and enjoy @slowlyfallingtobits Report back and give us hope!

Do you mind sharing which platform you are using and would you recommend (in general)?

X

slowlyfallingtobits · 18/05/2025 13:35

LemonLass · 18/05/2025 12:24

Good luck and enjoy @slowlyfallingtobits Report back and give us hope!

Do you mind sharing which platform you are using and would you recommend (in general)?

X

Show quote history

Thanks...it was hinge but also on Facebook dating and POF..
Currently shitting myself and counting down the mins ...it's a dog walk so at least we can focus on the dog if we don't fancy each other

Augustus40 · 18/05/2025 13:50

I think if you are willing to put the time in there will be a very occasional decent one online. You just have to give it time. I used to loiter on them but mainly for mild amusement. I only rarely got round to meets. Patience discernment and time needed. Be careful to ask pertinent questions too. Believe it or not a few can still conduct intelligent conversation and don't just talk about themselves!

Augustus40 · 18/05/2025 13:50

I am happy on my own so no longer search.

Jacarandill · 18/05/2025 15:17

Augustus40 · 18/05/2025 13:50

I think if you are willing to put the time in there will be a very occasional decent one online. You just have to give it time. I used to loiter on them but mainly for mild amusement. I only rarely got round to meets. Patience discernment and time needed. Be careful to ask pertinent questions too. Believe it or not a few can still conduct intelligent conversation and don't just talk about themselves!

Replied to wrong post

Jacarandill · 18/05/2025 15:18

slowlyfallingtobits · 18/05/2025 13:35

Thanks...it was hinge but also on Facebook dating and POF..
Currently shitting myself and counting down the mins ...it's a dog walk so at least we can focus on the dog if we don't fancy each other

Show quote history

A dog walk for a first date??

Whatever happened to going out for a drink?

The13thFairy · 18/05/2025 18:55

Cazs818 · 12/05/2025 14:40

Don’t give up hope I threw plenty of them back into the ocean was about to give up hope at 41 with 5 children , then met my partner now fiancé old

we’ve relocated to the opposite end of the uk and getting married in October

Edited

Whose idea was it to move far
away from everything that was familiar to you?

AJ20 · 18/05/2025 19:15

I am a single mum, 36 years old. I've tried numerous dating apps over the years and have never met a good person on them ever.

Dating apps IMO have made it easy for men to cheat, lie, deceive, get casual sex and gain a little ego boost.

Most will never ever see through their promises of meeting up. Likely because they are already in a relationship or just looking for some short term flattery.

I always wished I was born in your era as this wasn't the case back then and I find it very troubling how the world encourages this behaviour these days.

I would have thought that being of your age it would have been much simpler to meet like minded people... obviously not.

Take comfort in knowing that at my age and being an attractive lady it is no easier.

What do we do?!

Cazs818 · 18/05/2025 19:36

@The13thFairy it was both of ours I have no living family , only a small circle of friends who I see more now I moved then I did before . so was a easy decision for me , now we’re closer to partners family and mine and kids friendships have grown leaps and bounds

Crushed23 · 18/05/2025 19:48

Tidekiln · 18/05/2025 06:46

See I prefer the more rugged look on a man. If a man is attractive he is attractive and a few wrinkles and lines doesnt change that and just gives him more character. I think maybe the younger generation of men spend more time on their looks as they seem to use more products and hair straighteners etc which the older generations of men find strange.

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I see the discussion descended into personal attacks, but just to come back to you this, it’s not about not being rugged or being wrinkle-free (which btw would look very odd on both men and women in middle age), it’s about looking healthy and in one’s prime, and - as described above - presenting well. No one is saying men need to adopt a 10-step skincare routine or get botox and filler (the vast majority of women don’t do this btw), but some consideration to how lifestyle can impact appearance wouldn’t go amiss.

One thing I’ve noticed is how much more men drink compared to women. In my social circle, the men are 20-30% bigger than the women by mass, yet easily drink twice as much. Consequently, their skin looks terrible by comparison and the ones over 40 are beginning to get a beer belly. The women I know who are overweight, it’s circumstantial: post partum, menopause, one has endometriosis. The men who are overweight drink too much.

Obviously there are men who practise self-care and look good for their age, and there are women who don’t, so I don’t doubt the observations you’ve made in your gym, but in general the trend goes the other way. That’s all me and PPs are saying. :)

JenniferBooth · 18/05/2025 19:52

AJ20 · 18/05/2025 19:15

I am a single mum, 36 years old. I've tried numerous dating apps over the years and have never met a good person on them ever.

Dating apps IMO have made it easy for men to cheat, lie, deceive, get casual sex and gain a little ego boost.

Most will never ever see through their promises of meeting up. Likely because they are already in a relationship or just looking for some short term flattery.

I always wished I was born in your era as this wasn't the case back then and I find it very troubling how the world encourages this behaviour these days.

I would have thought that being of your age it would have been much simpler to meet like minded people... obviously not.

Take comfort in knowing that at my age and being an attractive lady it is no easier.

What do we do?!

Edited

Agree with this. Im nearly 52 and things have changed so much in a short space of time.

Tidekiln · 18/05/2025 19:59

Crushed23 · 18/05/2025 19:48

I see the discussion descended into personal attacks, but just to come back to you this, it’s not about not being rugged or being wrinkle-free (which btw would look very odd on both men and women in middle age), it’s about looking healthy and in one’s prime, and - as described above - presenting well. No one is saying men need to adopt a 10-step skincare routine or get botox and filler (the vast majority of women don’t do this btw), but some consideration to how lifestyle can impact appearance wouldn’t go amiss.

One thing I’ve noticed is how much more men drink compared to women. In my social circle, the men are 20-30% bigger than the women by mass, yet easily drink twice as much. Consequently, their skin looks terrible by comparison and the ones over 40 are beginning to get a beer belly. The women I know who are overweight, it’s circumstantial: post partum, menopause, one has endometriosis. The men who are overweight drink too much.

Obviously there are men who practise self-care and look good for their age, and there are women who don’t, so I don’t doubt the observations you’ve made in your gym, but in general the trend goes the other way. That’s all me and PPs are saying. :)

Show quote history

One thing I agree on is a beer gut is not attractive. Yuck! Interestingly on men's weight gain in later life I saw an interview with a doctor recently and he mentioned that hormones effect men's middle age spread too. He said men's testosterone dips and for some (not all) this can mean gaining weight around the middle, he said that's where fat is most likely to sit on a man.

Just for me I can find a man really really attractive even with fairly deep forehead lines or a balding head. These are things which if I'm being honest I wouldnt think would look so good on a woman. I expect men to be more weathered 😆 especially if they do a manual outdoor job.

Tidekiln · 18/05/2025 20:05

Crushed23 · 18/05/2025 19:48

I see the discussion descended into personal attacks, but just to come back to you this, it’s not about not being rugged or being wrinkle-free (which btw would look very odd on both men and women in middle age), it’s about looking healthy and in one’s prime, and - as described above - presenting well. No one is saying men need to adopt a 10-step skincare routine or get botox and filler (the vast majority of women don’t do this btw), but some consideration to how lifestyle can impact appearance wouldn’t go amiss.

One thing I’ve noticed is how much more men drink compared to women. In my social circle, the men are 20-30% bigger than the women by mass, yet easily drink twice as much. Consequently, their skin looks terrible by comparison and the ones over 40 are beginning to get a beer belly. The women I know who are overweight, it’s circumstantial: post partum, menopause, one has endometriosis. The men who are overweight drink too much.

Obviously there are men who practise self-care and look good for their age, and there are women who don’t, so I don’t doubt the observations you’ve made in your gym, but in general the trend goes the other way. That’s all me and PPs are saying. :)

Show quote history

Actually there was a thread on here not long ago about someone's husband trying to get a sixpack and most women were commenting that they prefer a dad bod, cuddly belly, something to grab hold off and suggested he was too vain, too self obsessed, would be too strict with diet etc. I know a sixpack is on the more extreme end but still interesting that most were commenting they would rather have a dad bod than a gym bod on a man.

Tidekiln · 18/05/2025 20:18

slowlyfallingtobits · 18/05/2025 13:35

Thanks...it was hinge but also on Facebook dating and POF..
Currently shitting myself and counting down the mins ...it's a dog walk so at least we can focus on the dog if we don't fancy each other

Show quote history

So how did it go?

BrightNewLife · 18/05/2025 20:19

@ThatAquaRobin

Have you heard of “burn the haystack”? It’s a game changer dating methodology.

Basically you are extremely ruthless and only go for what you want. It was set up by an American professor of rhetoric and semiotics who decodes profiles and messages. There’s a community of about 170K women, I’ve just joined.

Apologies if this was mentioned up thread.

Mrspinknails · 18/05/2025 20:21

BrightNewLife · 18/05/2025 20:19

@ThatAquaRobin

Have you heard of “burn the haystack”? It’s a game changer dating methodology.

Basically you are extremely ruthless and only go for what you want. It was set up by an American professor of rhetoric and semiotics who decodes profiles and messages. There’s a community of about 170K women, I’ve just joined.

Apologies if this was mentioned up thread.

I follow the page but I find it quite confusing. I follow on fb amd insta but she seems to have differnet rhetorics daily to watch out for.

Anxious2024 · 18/05/2025 20:43

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 18/05/2025 11:38

Be thankful you’re not being bombarded by weirdness. I was going to meet a guy this weekend but over three days he’s now sent me 21 selfies of himself and a video. Not dodgy ones thankfully. No chat except for why are you not responding, do you not like my photos? I’m going to block.
Then one who messaged constantly when he knew I was out with friends on Friday, wanting to know why I wasn’t replying. Not met either, not going to. Where are the normal men?

Not on dating apps imo.

Catullus5 · 18/05/2025 21:10

I have never used OLD (and I'm in a LTR anyway) so this may be naïve, but is talking to multiple people at once, at the start, really such a bad thing? They're just matchmaking tools, designed to put strangers in touch. I accept that people should behave respectfully towards each other, but I don't see why that requires any loyalty until you both want to commit. The difficulty seems to be that people don't know what they want, or don't say, and OLD social etiquette seems like a free-for-all, meaning people get messed around and hurt.