Shit men on dating apps.

[ThatAquaRobin]

Feel like giving up. I mean seriously what's the bloody point?
I'm 49. I have been chatting to what seemed like a smart intelligent guy (55) for the past week in Whatsapp. Met on bumble.
He checked out ok, one mutual Facebook friend.
We had set up a date for this evening 6.30 and the last message I had was around 8ish last night saying how he was looking forward to it.
Today he cancels at 1pm-ish saying "he's met someone else he likes and wanted to be honest"
Am I naive or is this the norm now?
Honestly I just want to cry
What's the point?

Poor choice of words perhaps - it’s easy at times to start to think that you have found a potential relationship. It’s about holding back those expectations.

No I mean when you talked about 50 plus women looking the same as in their 20s I thought you meant their looks, I didnt realise you were talking about their bodies. That's all. I dont see 50 plus women at my gym with the same figures as the 20 somethings. If they are thin it usually doesnt look the same as a thin 20 something. But that's just normal.

https://images.app.goo.gl/sq38aoCBRNrxXqmTA

This?

Once your month is up on bumble I’d recommend another app as there’s quite a few.
You’ll get different men (and some the same) and each app can have a different vibe.
It is hard work but my friends that are in the 40 to 50 range have been successful in finding relationships from OLD.
You might need to extend your radius from 5 miles though as that seems small.
I tried to keep within 30mins due to the practicality of dating with younger DC.
Good luck.

I don’t think thus guy did anything wrong. Don’t mist people on there chat to numerous people , meet up with them and sift through?
I met dh online, admittedly many years ago so things might be different now. On the day we agreed to first meet up I already had an evening date arranged which I kept!
You have to keep your options open.
Don't go down the settling for an old man route. There will be decent men out there it’s just a case of sifting through.
Try dating younger men too.

Don't go down the settling for an old man route. There will be decent men out there it’s just a case of sifting through.

Whatever I do, it won't be settling for an old man!

Has anyone tried the app that doesn’t let you chat at all before you meet up? Breeze?

I did mean their looks. It is only you saying that I didn’t 😂

yes I think a woman or man can look as good or better in their 50s than their 20s. But as I said- not the same (that would be so odd!!) and with extra wrinkles.

I was replying to your post that you see a lot of good looking older men at the gym. I really don’t. But I do see a lot of good looking older women. I’m sorry you aren’t able to believe this though. Did you age badly?

I would love to know what all these good looking men at your gym look like 😂

What's how I look got to do with whether i think older women look the same as they did when they were 20? When did I say I don't believe you about what you see at your gym? I agreed that women can look a lot better put together. I also don't associate weight with attractiveness generally.

You’re looking at this wrong. Think of it as a chance to meet some people you wouldn’t otherwise have got to meet - like a virtual nightclub or something. Talk to lots of people, go on lots of dates, don’t be expecting anything monogamous or serious off the bat.

When I read OLD stories on here it always strikes me that women seem to be looking for a serious relationship or ‘the one’ too quickly. Don’t do that. Get the most out of your membership, set your filters carefully, and get out there. The men will be dating multiple women, and women should be dating multiple men.

I once dated 7 men in 10 days. My now DP was probably about the 6th one. That’s because he asked me out for more dates and I happily agreed - and eventually we went exclusive. We’ve been together 10 years now and getting married soon.

Perfect!

Believe me, it makes you a lot more interesting to them, and if you meet them and don’t like them you don’t have to follow through.

I will carry on admiring older women looking great. And men when I see them. You can carry on seeing all these attractive older men, who you mysteriously won’t even describe 😂.

and I think I can guess what you look like ☺️

My comment about men at the gym was in response to the suggestion it's mainly gay men that make the effort and I pointed out that in my gym it's mainly straight men working out hard.

You can admire women but dont try and put me down. For the record most people that meet me are amazed I'm past 40.

Do tell us how they are amazed? In what way?

Your starting to come across quite bitchy. Let me guess your one of these women who want to admire women, big them up, empower them- unless you are jealous of them and then it's a case of subtle (or not so subtle) put downs.

It's not that difficult to understand- if someone is amazed at someone's age (in my case people think I look younger than I am) then its because that person doesnt look their age. Quite straightforward.

No I was genuinely intrigued. I said I think older women at my gym look great as they are toned, take care of their skin/teeth etc. dye their hair. look as good as in their 20s often just a few more wrinkles.

you disagreed with all that 😂

so please tell us in what way you look good for your age? I’d love to know what other ways there are to look good!!

Because I said that generally speaking the older women I see dont look like they did in their twenties and that caused you to start talking about my appearance and suggesting I must have aged badly. I dont know why you seem to think I have to see the same things as you?

I look young for my age hence people being surprised at how old I am. But I honestly dont think when I'm over 50 I'll look as good as in my twenties. But here's hoping!

I think take a break from OLD and re-try after 2-3 months.
I understand you are a single parent. Do you have the kids full time? If not, do you have any single friends you could go out with?
OLD is just one way someone could date. But not the only one. You will find that If you dress up, go out and be open and friendly men will approach you a lot.
I do not have bad experience from OLD tbh. It gives you the opportunity to filter out the bad seeds quickly and provides a big pool of men. However, I wouldn’t take it too seriously. The way I see It is like going out for a drink with a new person.

If you don’t see attractive older men in gyms, you probably go to wrong ones. Try David Lloyds or similar. As for London City, they’re everywhere. Being normal weight and strong/fit at middle age is a currency and successful, career-minded people know it. Whether or not they’re single is a different thing, but surely divorces peak at around 50.

@ThatAquaRobin
I mean this kindly, but you come across as quite desperate, as if it’s last chance saloon for you.
It’s not.

Slow right down and have some faith in yourself.

You must stop pinning your hopes on someone at such an early stage.
It’s a numbers game and the right one will hopefully come along.

That is the ‘game’ you are in now, so try to change your thinking accordingly.

I do go to DL 🤷‍♀️

Still not answering? Ok!

Still not answering what? You are very riled up

My BIL has shagged his way through half of bumble I reckon since being widowed. So if anyone is even a bit like him, steer clear.

I also have a friend in same situation who has done that.

It can go on for years I think. There's absolutely tonnes and tonnes of people who are just wanting to put things in holes so to speak 😄.

Then you have all those apps like Feeld etc.

I'm more...pick one person and do it long term.

Lack of honesty is my main gripe - if you are not looking for commitment just be upfront early on.