Should my wife support me on this?

[OzzyGrandad]

My wife & I attended a Christmas dinner at our daughters in laws. The dinner was on the table but there were still a few items to be placed & finalized. I asked my daughters mother in law if it was ok to start, she said yes. The rest of the party sat down & I had already begun eating. (I admit was not a good move). I believe the son of the mother in law wanted to say grace before dinner & was angry that I had started. He launched into a tirade of abuse, aggressively belittling me about my bad manners. I tried to explain that his mother had said it was ok to start, but this was ignored. I remained calm for the rest of the evening & then we went home. The next day I texted the son, explained my position & informed him that I would not tolerate such verbal abuse again, hoping he would regret being so abusive & apologize. He texted back, F off D Head.
We drop our grandson at his house every weekend & he returns him on Sunday. I asked my wife, when he drops his son off, to be courteous, but to not show any of the usual friendliness, just pick him up & say goodbye until he apologizes to me for his behavior. My wife refused, saying it was between me & him. She behaved as if nothing had happened & was friendly.
My question to the readers of this story is, should my wife have agreed to just be courteous & not friendly, or was she right to ignore my feelings on the matter.

Your wife does better in life than you.

You were very rude. Your BIL is right. Your wife should LTB

You are both wrong

You were incredibly rude, no adult sits at a table and starts eating before everyone is ready

He is incredibly angry, maybe your letter added fuel to the fire

Your wife should be telling you you are a dickhead

Far better to take each day as a fresh start. Over time the falling out becomes less of a focus as more normal interactions take over.

It was an extraordinary thing to do, to start eating the Christmas meal before being invited, before everyone else. And of course the hostess will politely say yes to a guest that asks if they can start, and likely regret it immediately.

I find it odd that you want to hold other people to account for their behaviour, while not wanting to face repercussions for your own.

If this story is real you're a dickhead and your wife should leave you

If this story isn't real, it's a badly written story

You want you DW to cause aggravation, split the family and affect the relationship she has with the rest of the family because you have no table manners?
Unreal.

It's your problem not hers.

That aside, did your mother not teach you that you wait til everyone is seated before starting to eat. Especially in a group.

Christmas meal? Have you been stewing over this for 4 months??

Just out of interest, what are your redeeming features, that offset you being a rude, selfish, difficult twat?

You were very rude.
The was son (is this your own son?) was rude in the way he tackled it, but it did need to be tackled.
You have been rude and childish in putting your wife in a difficult position.
Your wife is dealing with it well.

You are wrong and rude.
It's now over 4 months after the event and you are still sulking because someone called you out?
Get a grip, life is too short!

Why would your wife involve herself in a tiff between 2 men. Sort it out yourself, you’re being ridiculous.

No she should not! This is between you both, nothing to do with your wife. You should have apologised and said no more about it. If you encourage your wife to be frosty, he'll just tell her to stop bring your child over. Would you be happy with that? You're being ridiculous really.

This. Think it through! Time to get off your high horse.

This. Were you afraid you weren’t going to get enough food if yiu waited for everyone else to sit down?

It seems many people think it is ok to aggressively verbally abuse someone who made a mistake, and that his wife should support the abuser. If someone verbally abused my wife that way, I would support her to the hilt.

You’ve held onto this since Christmas, it’s time to get together and settle it. You need to be the bigger person and admit you weren’t displaying good manners at the table. Yes he shouldn’t have been rude but clearly you know you don’t start eating until everyone has sat down and ready to eat.

Asking your wife to get involved in your fight is ridiculous. Your grandson doesn’t deserve to be dropped off into a hostile environment.

Months later? Let go.

Both you and your DS were incredibly rude. I am not sure what you expect your wife to do. The fact that you are still stewing about this after such a long time makes me sorry for your DW. Just speak to your son, surely this is between two of you and your wife doesn’t need to choose sides.
I don’t see how holding grudges will make this any better.
And next time, wait before you start eating. It was a Christmas dinner! I don’t understand how you thought it was okay to start before people are all seated, it’s incredibly rude.

Your wife presumably has basic table manners, though.

I didn’t say the verbal abuse was acceptable. I said it was wrong but I also said your behaviour was and is now wrong. Have you apologised for your bad behaviour yet?

What do you want the future to be like? You have control of your own life but now you’re going down a track of alienating yourself from your family.

You want your wife to cause more issues with your daughter's in law, whilst your grandson is present - seriously?

It's not his son, it's his daughter's mother in law's son (I had to read it several times!). So either that's a really, really weird way of referring to his son in law, OR his grandson goes to his uncle's house every weekend. This whole situation is extremely strange and confusing.

What is the point of dragging the drama out? Of course your wife is right.

Both you and this guy sound very odd

I think many people suspect there is more to this story.