My husband did crack cocaine while I was away

[JennaP44]

Bit of a backstory - been married 20 years. He's my one and only. We have one child, who is now a teenager. About 7 years ago, I found out my husband was addicted to cam sex, where he was performing for other men for money online. I stuck it out for our kid. I found out last February that he had never really stopped, and had been at that addiction for a long time still, despite knowing that it was my limit. He also drinks way too much but is a happy drunk. We've been trying to reconcile this past year, but I am physically repulsed by him and sex is really problematic. I went away for the weekend and came back to find evidence that he did crack cocaine while I was away. I'm completely shocked, yet again. He was doing so well with going to therapy and being a good partner this past year. He does not know that I know yet. I'm not sure if I should mention it now, or figure out what to do first. I'm so confused. I'm SO confused. I feel like I'm drowning in what if's. He did this while he was home alone with our child, which is what really makes me mad.

Honestly - just get rid. He does not give a fuck about you or your kid. Never will.

Surely the coke is the last of your worries?!

He did crack while he was home alone with your child? I work in a safeguarding criminal justice role and this is a child protection issue.
I also doubt very much that it's the first time he's done it, his sexual behaviour is also very concerning, does he do it to find his substance misuse?
You need to get rid of him and protect your child.

You have one life.
Is this TRULY how you want to live it?

I'd leave and I wouldn't look back

It's not coke it's crack!! It's even worse

That is revolting and I would not want to be anywhere near him, I would think deeply if I was you about why you put up with it

Yeah there’s about 4 reasons in your post why I would just not even bother trying to make this work. move on.

It won’t have been the first time, it won’t be the last, he’s an addict, to porn, probably to drugs, honestly go get your freedom away from this walking ick.

Crack is a new low.

On top of all the other things he has put you through, I’d say get rid.

Christ you need to get past the confusion and get rid of this skank. Let him live his life of crack and wanking with men and you take your DC and go live a healthy life where you rebuild yourself as someone worthy of a better love. Him being your one and only is not a good thing in this scenario, and you are not his. Please talk to people irl to break any spell that this horrendous situation still holds over you.

You also know for a fact now that sticking with him for the kid, therapy and him being good is all a waste of time and will not work so don’t go kidding yourself and wasting more time on this lost cause. What you know is only the tip of the iceberg too no doubt. Sorry this is so awful but at least it’s unequivocal that it can’t go on.

I didn't understand why you're shocked. He has shown you who he is. Believe him.

Why was he doing the cam work? Money issues or for the thrill?

Doing crack isn’t like someone smoking a joint in the garden; it’s a junkie drug and he’ll absolutely ruin your life if you tolerate this.

This ! Plus other posts above.
Why oh why waste any more time on this man.

What’s the confusion?
Surely there is no confusion over what you need to do.
Someone taking crack whilst your child is in the house (let alone the cam work madness) is clearly a no-brainer.

You need to get this man out of your life ASAP. There’s so much wrong with this, the crack is most definitely the final straw surely 😳

Fucking hell. You’re worth so much more than this OP. He does not need or deserve to be your “one and only” He will destroy you.

I am so glad that so many of you replied. I KNOW this deep in my heart I just can't seem to pull the trigger and I'm not sure why. I've been learning a lot about trauma bond and have spent the past year saving cash and doing therapy to help me break this spell that I seem to be under. I'm not a bad person, I'm really nice and forgiving and kind. LOL I laughed at the crack being the least of my issues comment - believe you me, I know that this is all so problematic.
I don't know if I should confront him about this and then have him sweet talk me into some excuse and then I falter on my feelings. I'm debating saving the info for myself for now and getting my paperwork in order. I don't know what I would say. I really feel like this is the last straw but I have zero support system and nowhere to go, so we would be living together for quite sometime. I would rather just get out but I don't know how or what to do. I know I should leave. I just don't know what to do first. Practical steps, you know what I mean? I'm overwhelmed with all the todo list and wondering if it's easier to just play along.

What are you confused about? Seems pretty clear to me.
You're married to a crack head sex worker who puts your child at risk.
The only confusion for me is why you haven't protected your child and LTB.

Get some legal advice. Keep any evidence you have. Take photos if you need to. Gather and prepare. You may not need somewhere to go - play this right and he will.

Thank you, yes I took photos. I honestly don't want to stay in this house, I'd rather be the one to leave. It's complicated because we are so geographically isolated, and we have multiple pets. I got legal advice last year and will get more... I don't know why I tolerate this and why I have not left .I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel really terrible.

How do you know he did it? You need to get out of this asap, who knows what else he is capable of next

Please leave him and protect your child. He sounds utterly vile. Sending hugs. I know what trauma bond is and how hard it is. But you just need to pull the bandaid off and do it. Don't look back. Do get legal advise though. He should be the one to leave the marital home, especially if he is putting your child at risk.

Please put your child’s wellbeing, safety and welfare first and find the strength and means to leave this man tomorrow.