Expensive uber - who pays?

[Tam28]

My friend was having surgery at a hospital near my office but had to be there for 6.30am. It would've been fine as I normally go into the office at that time anyway but on this occasion, she didn't confirm plans until 10pm the night before and I stupidly said yes to collecting her at 5.30am (she lives 20/25 mins away). However I really struggled with sleep that night and I can't function on less than 5 hours sleep so at 2am I booked her an uber to save her the stress in the morning (which she would've done anyway if I hadn't taken her). It cost me £45 but its £45 I don't have in this cost-of-living crisis and she has made no indication of paying me back. Its a big birthday for her soon too which is also going to cost me £50 (again I don't have but will have to find a way)...

So how do I approach this? I can't afford this and find myself having to 'sacrifice money' and then find ways to make ends meet.

Bare in mind, when she had the medical episode rather than calling her sis who lives 2 doors down because she assumed she was at work, she called me - I drove 20-25 mins because why wouldn't you and then accompanied her to the hospital - it took a whole afternoon. I have no issues being there for people but sometimes...I question if they would do the same. Not the same, but in the two months I was in hospital with a parent, she didn't once come down although she worked nearby. In fairness, she did message but one of my other friends managed to visit to check in on me.

You assumed responsibility for her lift by agreeing to one. You need to pay the Uber...
Presumably your friend would not have paid you £45 for the lift?

You let her down for a lift at the last moment (I do understand the reasons why) and ordered an Uber as a replacement. Of course you pay!

Ya, I think you need to pay in this instance. She didn’t ask you to book and Uber and if you had told her you couldn’t collect her then she would have had to opportunity to arrange an alternative.

Yeah sorry you offered her a lift to something important.

if you can’t be sure that you can do the lift don’t offer.

Yes, you need to pay for the uber. You don’t need to spend £50 on her birthday though.

I get why you would think she would have had to pay anyway, but as you agreed to collect her and then changed your mind and booked her an Uber, you have taken responsibility for this so can't ask for the money back.

Really you should have said no when she text you at 10pm the night before. But you agreed so unfortunately you have to take responsibility for it.

You booked her the uber without checking (presumably), so she didn’t have the option to say no and/or ask someone else for a lift. So I think it’s your cost to pay. TBH if I’d agreed to take a friend to hospital for surgery at 5.30am I’d still take them even if I’d only managed 5 minutes of sleep!

You shouldn’t have booked the Uber if you couldn’t afford it.

I always say the one that pays is the one that ordered it.

You pay.

You took responsibility for it so should pay it.

You decided £45 was an ok price for the favour you agreed to. She didn’t agree to that price, therefore you pay.

Sorry in this instance you pay. You cancelled, you booked her an alternative with no communication with her. She didn't accept the price, she may have found alternative if she knew it was £45.

We're you really that tired you couldn't still do it?

You said you'd give her a lift. You then didn't give her a lift. You pay for the Uber.

If you didn't want to give her a lift, then don't say Yes in the first place

You sound annoyed at your friend - you agreed to take her, for whatever reason you then couldn't, you decided to book her an Uber without knowing if that was in HER budget. You can't decide how she spends her money! You were in the wrong here

Yes I'd assume you were paying . I think you should .

You need to pay for the uber. You don't need to spend £50 on her birthday if you can't afford it / don't want to. The two aren't connected though.

It's just cost you £45 to learn that you need to be better at implementing boundaries and saying no, and her having a birthday doesn't cost you £50.

I have plenty of good friends and never have once been in the position where I'm forking out money to get any of them to their appointments. None of them ask me to drive them anywhere at 5am, and vice versa. Because it's unreasonable. Stop saying yes, the requests will stop coming and if the friendship fades, it was a friendship of convenience only.

Yeah you pay for it because you booked it. Don't say yes to stuff if you can't do it in future

This is your cost to pay OP because you agreed to be her lift.

If you had said previously that you couldn’t do it then she may have been able to arrange another lift and so she wouldn’t have had to pay.

She shouldn’t be worse off financially because you were too tired to stick to your agreement.

You pay. You agreed and then had to cancel.

If I was your friend I would pay, but you can't commit someone else to a bill for a service they didn't agree to having so if she doesn't offer I think you have to let it go. Maybe not agree to giving lifts olin the future or tell her she needs to contribute because you can't afford the fuel.

I think you pay, I wouldn’t buy a birthday gift though and probably wouldn’t agree to do a lift again.

Of course you pay: leave off the birthday pressie if you’re stuck but you have to pay for the uber .

so at 2am I booked her an uber

You do

I can't say I agree with this. My friend who doesn't have a smartphone gave me the cash and had me book him an uber to the airport recently. By your logic I should have paid for his transport because I booked it for him?