Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Expensive uber - who pays?

146 replies

Tam28 · 07/05/2025 10:26

My friend was having surgery at a hospital near my office but had to be there for 6.30am. It would've been fine as I normally go into the office at that time anyway but on this occasion, she didn't confirm plans until 10pm the night before and I stupidly said yes to collecting her at 5.30am (she lives 20/25 mins away). However I really struggled with sleep that night and I can't function on less than 5 hours sleep so at 2am I booked her an uber to save her the stress in the morning (which she would've done anyway if I hadn't taken her). It cost me £45 but its £45 I don't have in this cost-of-living crisis and she has made no indication of paying me back. Its a big birthday for her soon too which is also going to cost me £50 (again I don't have but will have to find a way)...

So how do I approach this? I can't afford this and find myself having to 'sacrifice money' and then find ways to make ends meet.

Bare in mind, when she had the medical episode rather than calling her sis who lives 2 doors down because she assumed she was at work, she called me - I drove 20-25 mins because why wouldn't you and then accompanied her to the hospital - it took a whole afternoon. I have no issues being there for people but sometimes...I question if they would do the same. Not the same, but in the two months I was in hospital with a parent, she didn't once come down although she worked nearby. In fairness, she did message but one of my other friends managed to visit to check in on me.

OP posts:

CellophaneFlower · 07/05/2025 18:17

I'm wondering if you struggled to sleep as you were annoyed at being asked and it played on your mind.

I think when it gets to the point where you're weighing up the stuff you've done for a friend against what they've done for you, the friendship has run it's course.

Real friends don't keep tabs.

mathanxiety · 07/05/2025 18:43

You're behaving like a doormat and then wondering why people wipe their feet on you.

You ordered the Uber so that's on you.

Nice potted plant for the birthday shouldn't set you back more than a fiver.

And you need to learn to turn down requests for help. Practice in front of a mirror - 'Sorry! I can't manage that, maybe book a taxi'.
'Sorry, really busy that day, can't do it'.

Phoenixfire1988 · 07/05/2025 19:04

You pay for the uber you were supposed to give her a lift and didn't, you didn't ask if she wanted an uber or give her the opportunity to find alternative transport herself so the cost is on you

MoominMai · 07/05/2025 19:21

@Tam28 just take this as an lesson (albeit expensive) learnt.

Also, become more assertive and set boundaries. Personally I’d never think of asking a friend for such an early drop off and if this happened to me I’d immediately refund the amount back to you. However, as I found to my cost not everyone has the same ethics and the default is generally to be a CF lol.

lolapops1 · 07/05/2025 20:37

You pay the uber as you booked and you had agreed to take them.
Why do you have to spend £50 on their birthday? Bake them a cake and get them a card.

Maybe look into if they are actually your friend.

abs12 · 07/05/2025 20:50

Most people survive being tired at work for a day. It's part of life. You should have just picked her up. It's what friends do. We put ourselves out, at times, for people we care about, but without expectation. Therein lies the problem.

Too many people operate today with the expectation that if you do something you get something in return. You offered to help her yet bemoan she hasn't ever done similar and probably wouldn't. What kind of friend are you to expect something in return? You give because you're a good person not because you expect something back. You'll always be let down with this mindset. So, suggesting she's not as giving as you is moot. And further, maybe you're not the great friend to her that you think you are. Maybe she's not either but you know that so you can't argue the point.

And finally, had you thought she might just want support or a friendly face that morning? No, of course not. You were tired (and resentful).

HairyGarden · 07/05/2025 21:05

You should pay. You agreed to get her there, and whether that was by driving or by uber, it is your responsibility.

springtimemagic · 07/05/2025 21:58

Tam28 · 07/05/2025 13:46

EDIT: She was going to take an uber before she asked me but I was the more cost effective option. Normally I wouldn't have minded but due to tiredness I didn't want to risk driving / having a unproductive day at work. So rather than letting her stress in the morning at 4.30am looking for an uber before a surgery - I thought I did the kind thing of booking one for her. Maybe asking for the money back is a bitch move and unsure how to play it but I more often than not, do alot for people.

Like I said she also has a big birthday for which I'm expected to pay for her treat, money I don't have and I know it won't land well.

Show quote history

Why do you have to pay for her treat? How did that come about?

serious question - do you struggle with boundaries? I’m just wondering.

Dancingintherainxxx · 08/05/2025 01:21

It's crazy seeing these responses.

As a physician I've seen this happen a couple of times to patients.

She should have asked family not a friend !

The appointment was for her. She owes you 45 quid.

BlondiePortz · 08/05/2025 01:37

Octavia64 · 07/05/2025 10:30

Yeah sorry you offered her a lift to something important.

if you can’t be sure that you can do the lift don’t offer.

This, yes you were doing a favour but if cared about a person that much I would have said no from the begining so they could have fixed something else

I would not do something for someone that cost then handed them a bill for it

HeyCooper · 08/05/2025 01:39

i think you should go halves on the cost seeing as you promised something but failed to deliver and she was reliant.

however if I was her I’d pay the whole cost of the taxi

please consider you’re support levels if this isn’t a two way thing. You may need to put some boundaries in if you feel used and unappreciated generally. Are you able to say no to her? Do you need stratagies? Certainly do not agree to a 5:30am lift again as it’s clearly too much for you.

also if you’re funds are limited and she’s not given some taxi cash, tell her you’re skint and give her a smaller gift

Climbinghigher · 08/05/2025 04:51

You need to learn to say no to this friend. It sounds like the issue was agreeing to take her that early when you didn’t really want to.

GentlemanJay · 08/05/2025 05:22

You let her down. It should be on you.

ConcernedOfClapham · 08/05/2025 05:34

I’m afraid you need to pay the Uber, and learn to say ‘no’ sometimes. Start making your life about you, not other people. x

ConcernedOfClapham · 08/05/2025 05:36

Should add … I’d be very creative with a birthday gift, and wouldn’t spend anywhere near £50

alligatorshmalligator · 08/05/2025 06:53

If I really truly didn’t have the £45 to pay for the Uber I’d have sucked it up and gone to pick her up. You were tired and couldn’t be arsed so paid for the uber. You made a promise to get her to the hospital so if you choose to pay for a taxi rather than drive her, that’s on you

historyrepeatz · 08/05/2025 06:56

There’s being tired and being tired. I don’t know which the op was. One might make the op a danger to themselves and other road users in order to save some money. That’s not ok.

Millie90 · 08/05/2025 06:59

This poor woman is having an operation...you bothered her at 2am to tell her she was getting a taxi after you promised to help her out...and you're now asking her for the money for it! You sound like a right knobhead. What a friend.

WayneEyre · 08/05/2025 07:20

Dancingintherainxxx · 08/05/2025 01:21

It's crazy seeing these responses.

As a physician I've seen this happen a couple of times to patients.

She should have asked family not a friend !

The appointment was for her. She owes you 45 quid.

I disagree. The friend made arrangements. There's no reason it has to be family. An hour's round trip isn't a huge ask for a friend for a one off and the OP didn't have to agree. The point is she did agree. That's the point at which she made a commitment. 'I'm a bit tired' wasn't an emergency. She should have covered the alternative arrangements as a price wasn't agreed.

Would I have offered some money? Yes probably. But I think she needs to take it on the chin. She agreed to do her friend an important favour, backed out of the original plan last minute, didn't discuss the change, and can't gripe too much about having to shoulder the cost to avoid letting her down entirely.

whitewineandsun · 08/05/2025 07:22

YesHonestly · 07/05/2025 10:28

You let her down for a lift at the last moment (I do understand the reasons why) and ordered an Uber as a replacement. Of course you pay!

This. Seems simple to me given what you've shared.

WayneEyre · 08/05/2025 09:28

Also the bday present is a separate issue. OP, you're well within your rights to be firm but polite about not chipping in. Just do so ahead of time if that's the expectation so nobody is budgeting expecting you to pay in part. You don't have to enjoy every conversation you have, some are a bit uncomfortable to get the right outcome but you're not in the wrong unless you've already committed.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread