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Original poster

Expensive uber - who pays?

146 replies

Tam28 · 07/05/2025 10:26

My friend was having surgery at a hospital near my office but had to be there for 6.30am. It would've been fine as I normally go into the office at that time anyway but on this occasion, she didn't confirm plans until 10pm the night before and I stupidly said yes to collecting her at 5.30am (she lives 20/25 mins away). However I really struggled with sleep that night and I can't function on less than 5 hours sleep so at 2am I booked her an uber to save her the stress in the morning (which she would've done anyway if I hadn't taken her). It cost me £45 but its £45 I don't have in this cost-of-living crisis and she has made no indication of paying me back. Its a big birthday for her soon too which is also going to cost me £50 (again I don't have but will have to find a way)...

So how do I approach this? I can't afford this and find myself having to 'sacrifice money' and then find ways to make ends meet.

Bare in mind, when she had the medical episode rather than calling her sis who lives 2 doors down because she assumed she was at work, she called me - I drove 20-25 mins because why wouldn't you and then accompanied her to the hospital - it took a whole afternoon. I have no issues being there for people but sometimes...I question if they would do the same. Not the same, but in the two months I was in hospital with a parent, she didn't once come down although she worked nearby. In fairness, she did message but one of my other friends managed to visit to check in on me.

OP posts:
babyolivebean · 07/05/2025 13:07

You booked it, you pay it. Get a cheaper birthday gift or something homemade

I have no idea why you think a friend should visit you visiting your parent in hospital.

Viviennemary · 07/05/2025 13:10

You were unreliable letting your friend down which is bad enough. But then you decided you would book a taxi then make her pay. You sound awful tbh.

Zanatdy · 07/05/2025 13:12

You booked it as you didn’t want to drive her so afraid that’s your cost.

Viviennemary · 07/05/2025 13:14

Sorry I didn't read all your post. You have done favours for her in the past so you are certainly not awful. But you shouldn't have let her down amd then booked a taxi and now want her to pay.

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 07/05/2025 13:15

You agreed to drive her then you booked an uber instead for both of your needs. That’s in you.

TheOccupier · 07/05/2025 13:17

Pay for the Uber, skip the birthday.

ThejoyofNC · 07/05/2025 13:18

You can't tell her you've booked her an Uber whilst making no mention of her paying for it, then ask for the money afterwards. If you couldn't pay you needed to be up front about that and give her the option to decline it. In telling her that you booked it for her it's reasonable for her to assume you're paying.

Ponderingwindow · 07/05/2025 13:18

You took responsibility for driving her. You chose to substitute that responsibility with an uber. The bill is yours.

next time, don’t agree to the favor in the first place if it is more than you can handle.

if you don’t have the budget for spending in a birthday, then don’t spend money on a birthday. A friend should understand.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 07/05/2025 13:19

You pay for the uber, buy a £10 birthday present and explain when you hand it over that its all you can afford as money is tight.

Someone2025 · 07/05/2025 13:19

Tam28 · 07/05/2025 10:26

My friend was having surgery at a hospital near my office but had to be there for 6.30am. It would've been fine as I normally go into the office at that time anyway but on this occasion, she didn't confirm plans until 10pm the night before and I stupidly said yes to collecting her at 5.30am (she lives 20/25 mins away). However I really struggled with sleep that night and I can't function on less than 5 hours sleep so at 2am I booked her an uber to save her the stress in the morning (which she would've done anyway if I hadn't taken her). It cost me £45 but its £45 I don't have in this cost-of-living crisis and she has made no indication of paying me back. Its a big birthday for her soon too which is also going to cost me £50 (again I don't have but will have to find a way)...

So how do I approach this? I can't afford this and find myself having to 'sacrifice money' and then find ways to make ends meet.

Bare in mind, when she had the medical episode rather than calling her sis who lives 2 doors down because she assumed she was at work, she called me - I drove 20-25 mins because why wouldn't you and then accompanied her to the hospital - it took a whole afternoon. I have no issues being there for people but sometimes...I question if they would do the same. Not the same, but in the two months I was in hospital with a parent, she didn't once come down although she worked nearby. In fairness, she did message but one of my other friends managed to visit to check in on me.

You should pay in this instance but really she should have booked a taxi for that unreasonable hour in the morning,

She was being tight in not booking a taxi so in future be wise about the favours you grant her, you got caught for this one

WhatHaveIJustRead · 07/05/2025 13:21

babyolivebean · 07/05/2025 13:07

You booked it, you pay it. Get a cheaper birthday gift or something homemade

I have no idea why you think a friend should visit you visiting your parent in hospital.

Was wondering what you were on about then I saw OP has edited her post to include her hospital stay with her mother.

OP, why would you think your friend would visit you in the hospital when you were with your mother? Text you, catch up for a coffee sure… but why would she come to the hospital?

Bbq1 · 07/05/2025 13:25

As the friend, I would have repaid you for the Uber. She should have offered you the money and paid you back, but I am in a very small minority here, thinking that. You can't ask her for the money now, that's too awkward. Don't spend £50 on her birthday or offer any more lifts. You're allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.

RunningJo · 07/05/2025 13:25

Arniesaxe · 07/05/2025 12:46

I can't say I agree with this. My friend who doesn't have a smartphone gave me the cash and had me book him an uber to the airport recently. By your logic I should have paid for his transport because I booked it for him?

Show quote history

Nope, not the same. You friend asked you to book him an uber because he couldn't due to lack of i-phone. It was his decision.
The OP agreed to giving a lift but then decided she would book her friend an uber, her friend didn't ask for an uber and was expecting (I assume) a free lift from the OP, to ask her to now pay for something she didn't ask for or agree to is wrong.

Arniesaxe · 07/05/2025 13:34

RunningJo · 07/05/2025 13:25

Nope, not the same. You friend asked you to book him an uber because he couldn't due to lack of i-phone. It was his decision.
The OP agreed to giving a lift but then decided she would book her friend an uber, her friend didn't ask for an uber and was expecting (I assume) a free lift from the OP, to ask her to now pay for something she didn't ask for or agree to is wrong.

Show quote history

Oh I agree It's wrong and the OP should definitely pay up here. It was more so the 'you book, you pay!' wording that I was thinking of.

WayneEyre · 07/05/2025 13:35

Sorry OP but I think this one is your responsibility.

If you agree to giving someone a lift, it's fair to discuss payment for petrol money/ parking/ congestion charge in advance etc but not to suddenly decide to substitute an Uber without discussion.

If there had been a true emergency such as a breakdown or accident then maybe she could have been asked to book her own Uber or pay. However , this doesn't sound like an emergency, more that on balance you really didn't fancy the drive. I don't think it's fair to send someone an I expected bill. Better to refuse the favour in the first place.

lunaswand · 07/05/2025 13:37

You offered the lift & you arranged the Uber - it's on you to pay

PurpleThistle7 · 07/05/2025 13:41

Yeah you decided to book it as you didn’t want to do it. Definitely your responsibility as you chose to outsource.

would never think to visit a friend who was visiting someone in hospital? Seems super intrusive.

Dozer · 07/05/2025 13:42

Agree with PPs. The £45 is the price of the decisions you took.

You said yes to her request to collect and driving her, then when you couldn’t (instead of notifying her and leaving her to decide what to do herself) booked the uber on your account (so you had the contract with the company to pay). She is under no obligation to reimburse you, although many would do so.

yeesh · 07/05/2025 13:44

Why on earth did you agree especially when she didn’t confirm until so late at night? Are you always such a people pleaser?

Original poster
Tam28 · 07/05/2025 13:46

Tam28 · 07/05/2025 10:26

My friend was having surgery at a hospital near my office but had to be there for 6.30am. It would've been fine as I normally go into the office at that time anyway but on this occasion, she didn't confirm plans until 10pm the night before and I stupidly said yes to collecting her at 5.30am (she lives 20/25 mins away). However I really struggled with sleep that night and I can't function on less than 5 hours sleep so at 2am I booked her an uber to save her the stress in the morning (which she would've done anyway if I hadn't taken her). It cost me £45 but its £45 I don't have in this cost-of-living crisis and she has made no indication of paying me back. Its a big birthday for her soon too which is also going to cost me £50 (again I don't have but will have to find a way)...

So how do I approach this? I can't afford this and find myself having to 'sacrifice money' and then find ways to make ends meet.

Bare in mind, when she had the medical episode rather than calling her sis who lives 2 doors down because she assumed she was at work, she called me - I drove 20-25 mins because why wouldn't you and then accompanied her to the hospital - it took a whole afternoon. I have no issues being there for people but sometimes...I question if they would do the same. Not the same, but in the two months I was in hospital with a parent, she didn't once come down although she worked nearby. In fairness, she did message but one of my other friends managed to visit to check in on me.

EDIT: She was going to take an uber before she asked me but I was the more cost effective option. Normally I wouldn't have minded but due to tiredness I didn't want to risk driving / having a unproductive day at work. So rather than letting her stress in the morning at 4.30am looking for an uber before a surgery - I thought I did the kind thing of booking one for her. Maybe asking for the money back is a bitch move and unsure how to play it but I more often than not, do alot for people.

Like I said she also has a big birthday for which I'm expected to pay for her treat, money I don't have and I know it won't land well.

OP posts:
ObliviousCoalmine · 07/05/2025 13:47

You pay for it, I can’t see how you’re managing to see it any other way.

Someone2025 · 07/05/2025 13:50

Tam28 · 07/05/2025 13:46

EDIT: She was going to take an uber before she asked me but I was the more cost effective option. Normally I wouldn't have minded but due to tiredness I didn't want to risk driving / having a unproductive day at work. So rather than letting her stress in the morning at 4.30am looking for an uber before a surgery - I thought I did the kind thing of booking one for her. Maybe asking for the money back is a bitch move and unsure how to play it but I more often than not, do alot for people.

Like I said she also has a big birthday for which I'm expected to pay for her treat, money I don't have and I know it won't land well.

Show quote history

As a way of recuperating the money could you make up a good excuse and say you cannot attend the birthday function this year

InternetRandoms · 07/05/2025 13:51

But she did ask you, and you agreed. If you hadn’t then of course it would be on her to sort herself out, although she could have arranged someone else if you’d said no.
In your shoes I’d have sucked up the lack of sleep because I don’t have £45, but then I get crap sleep and have to do 10 hour shifts on only 4 hrs as it is.

Arancia · 07/05/2025 13:51

Your mistakes were to

  1. agree to driving your friend when she couldn't be bothered to confirm plans until way too late in the evening. I think it's super rude to do that to someone who's doing YOU a favour! I think it's polite to give someone at least 48 hours heads up - DURING THE DAY.

  2. You should have told her that you assumed the lack of response from her meant she'd made other arrangements, so you have already made other plans and can no longer drive her.

  3. book an Uber without consulting your friend first. You don't just book a taxi service (or any service) for someone without asking them first, if you are not the one paying for it. It's easy to assume that she would have paid for an Uber anyway if you had cancelled, but you actually don't know that with 100% certainty. Maybe the sister, another family member or another friend would have stepped in to drive her, thus saving her the Uber fee.

I think you need to stop being so available to your friend. She sounds like a pain in the arse, and considering her sister lives right next door, I can't for the life of me understand why she keeps calling you for favours. It tells me that she might see you as her lackey or something...

PurpleThistle7 · 07/05/2025 13:54

You made a series of mistakes here but it’s definitely your responsibility to pay. I’d cancel the birthday though if you can’t afford it - that’s enough of a reason to not do something.