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Original poster

Expensive uber - who pays?

146 replies

Tam28 · 07/05/2025 10:26

My friend was having surgery at a hospital near my office but had to be there for 6.30am. It would've been fine as I normally go into the office at that time anyway but on this occasion, she didn't confirm plans until 10pm the night before and I stupidly said yes to collecting her at 5.30am (she lives 20/25 mins away). However I really struggled with sleep that night and I can't function on less than 5 hours sleep so at 2am I booked her an uber to save her the stress in the morning (which she would've done anyway if I hadn't taken her). It cost me £45 but its £45 I don't have in this cost-of-living crisis and she has made no indication of paying me back. Its a big birthday for her soon too which is also going to cost me £50 (again I don't have but will have to find a way)...

So how do I approach this? I can't afford this and find myself having to 'sacrifice money' and then find ways to make ends meet.

Bare in mind, when she had the medical episode rather than calling her sis who lives 2 doors down because she assumed she was at work, she called me - I drove 20-25 mins because why wouldn't you and then accompanied her to the hospital - it took a whole afternoon. I have no issues being there for people but sometimes...I question if they would do the same. Not the same, but in the two months I was in hospital with a parent, she didn't once come down although she worked nearby. In fairness, she did message but one of my other friends managed to visit to check in on me.

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 07/05/2025 15:30

Tam28 · 07/05/2025 13:46

EDIT: She was going to take an uber before she asked me but I was the more cost effective option. Normally I wouldn't have minded but due to tiredness I didn't want to risk driving / having a unproductive day at work. So rather than letting her stress in the morning at 4.30am looking for an uber before a surgery - I thought I did the kind thing of booking one for her. Maybe asking for the money back is a bitch move and unsure how to play it but I more often than not, do alot for people.

Like I said she also has a big birthday for which I'm expected to pay for her treat, money I don't have and I know it won't land well.

Show quote history

No, the kind thing to do would have been not to renege on your agreement to take her to the hospital, or not to agree to do it in the first place if you weren't sure you would be able to, so that she would have had time to make other arrangements.

Since you let her down and changed the arrangements, then the cost of the Uber is down to you. I can't see how you can possibly think otherwise.

Buy her the birthday present you can afford for her upcoming birthday. Lovely, thoughtful presents don't necessarily have to cost a fortune.

Hamandpineapplepizza · 07/05/2025 15:38

The Uber thing is on you.

The birthday gift - surely it she's a friend you just say "sorry am broke at the moment" and give them a card and a token gift.

3awesomestars · 07/05/2025 15:41

Think you have to stand the Uber this time but try to work on saying no to people - it’s ok to do this be kind on yourself.
If she really is a good friend you should be able to say ‘I don’t have the money to stand your birthday treat at this time, but can we do something in the near future’ a good friend will respect this, you could even mention that paying for the uber affected your finances - it should ‘land fine’. If it doesn’t then I’m sorry she is not a true close friend.

Fuzzymuddle33 · 07/05/2025 15:42

Uber def on you

re the birthday, I’d go for soenthing smaller and say that things are a bit tight at the moment.

BoredZelda · 07/05/2025 15:42

Tam28 · 07/05/2025 13:46

EDIT: She was going to take an uber before she asked me but I was the more cost effective option. Normally I wouldn't have minded but due to tiredness I didn't want to risk driving / having a unproductive day at work. So rather than letting her stress in the morning at 4.30am looking for an uber before a surgery - I thought I did the kind thing of booking one for her. Maybe asking for the money back is a bitch move and unsure how to play it but I more often than not, do alot for people.

Like I said she also has a big birthday for which I'm expected to pay for her treat, money I don't have and I know it won't land well.

Show quote history

Doesn’t matter

MySerenePeer · 07/05/2025 15:47

This is 100% on you…! It makes no difference whether she may or may not have used uber…you offered to take her and then took it upon yourself to book the uber when it no longer suited you. She might’ve simply asked someone else for a lift but you took that choice away…
Start taking some responsibility for your own actions instead of now turning this round on your friend.
And no, of course you do not have to fork out £50 for birthday gifts…however if this is the norm for you both and it’s usually reciprocated then again, stop blaming your friend for that arrangement because it’s her birthday that is coming up. Sounds like your money management skills are as good as your relationship skills…

minnienono · 07/05/2025 15:51

You pay as you chose to book it. You could have said no when she first asked

BuildbyNumbere · 07/05/2025 15:58

You’ll have to pay for the uber as you booked it as decided you didn’t want to honour the lift you had agreed.
Birthday … no, if you can’t afford it then don’t.
No point dwelling on what people would or wouldn’t do for you. If you don’t want to help in future then say no.

cooldarkroom · 07/05/2025 15:59

Well, you can tell friend that as you spent £45 on the uber that you couldn't really afford, she can consider it her bday present.
No money means, no money, you can't just magic it up

PoopingAllTheWay · 07/05/2025 15:59

Dont do the £50 for the birthday and say, because you paid out £45 for the Taxi, you cant afford her Birthday

CosyLemur · 07/05/2025 16:01

Firstly you booked an Uber in advance; advance booking with Uber cost more than booking at the time you need it so she wouldn't have been charged £45 for the journey.
Secondly you said yes to taking her then flaked on her, you need to pay.

Thisisittheapocalypse · 07/05/2025 16:03

Tell her you can't do the birthday lunch as you spent the money on her uber to the hospital. Be blunt.

HobbyHorse30 · 07/05/2025 16:06

The Uber is 100% on you. You made an arrangement with your friend, you unilaterally changed the plans and opted for an expensive Uber. Of course it was kind of you to arrange to take her in the first place but in doing so you made a commitment, and you didn’t ask your friend if she’d rather make another arrangement before booking the Uber

Reallyneedsaholiday · 07/05/2025 16:07

I think you need to pay for the Uber … if you’d said that you couldn’t take her, then she’d have presumably made alternative arrangements, probably involving her sister rather than paying 45 for an Uber. But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to cut back on a birthday present. Either something small, or just a card, is absolutely fine for a friends birthday.

Emmz1510 · 07/05/2025 16:07

Sorry I agree with others that you should pay.
But maybe start offering your help a bit less as it sounds like it’s all one way traffic!
Maybe she would agree to pay for half?
I sure she wouldn’t expect you to pay £50 for a birthday gift if you can afford it. No decent friend would.

Queenofthestonage · 07/05/2025 16:09

I would have taken her and sucked up the lack of sleep, the birthday is beside the point

MeetMyCat · 07/05/2025 16:09

minnienono · 07/05/2025 15:51

You pay as you chose to book it. You could have said no when she first asked

Yep!

justkeepswimingswiming · 07/05/2025 16:11

Just tell her you can’t afford her birthday as what you put aside to budget for it went on her uber.
just be blunt.

butterpuffed · 07/05/2025 16:17

Due to tiredness , you didn't want to have 'an unproductive day at work' ???

I bet your friend would rather have an unproductive day than surgery ! And I doubt she got much sleep the night before an operation .

Darkambergingerlily · 07/05/2025 16:18

You pay

Welshmonster · 07/05/2025 16:19

You booked the taxi without asking though it’s bit rude not to pay back if they used it.

who says you have to pay for birthday treat? Who is organising it? Just tell them no. you will sort out your own gift.

learn to say no. Your friend should have offered petrol money if you were picking them up.

DwayneTheRockJohnson · 07/05/2025 16:23

I agree with previous posters, you ordered it so you need to pay. If you don’t have the money for her birthday then there’s no need to spend £50 though. A good friend will be happy with a £1 card and a token gift, maybe a chocolate bar. It’s definitely the thought that counts.

I8toys · 07/05/2025 16:25

You can't function on less than 5 hours sleep? You can't drive?

Coconutter24 · 07/05/2025 16:28

Tam28 · 07/05/2025 13:46

EDIT: She was going to take an uber before she asked me but I was the more cost effective option. Normally I wouldn't have minded but due to tiredness I didn't want to risk driving / having a unproductive day at work. So rather than letting her stress in the morning at 4.30am looking for an uber before a surgery - I thought I did the kind thing of booking one for her. Maybe asking for the money back is a bitch move and unsure how to play it but I more often than not, do alot for people.

Like I said she also has a big birthday for which I'm expected to pay for her treat, money I don't have and I know it won't land well.

Show quote history

Why are you expected to pay for her treat?

MadeleineAllbright · 07/05/2025 16:30

Tam28 · 07/05/2025 13:46

EDIT: She was going to take an uber before she asked me but I was the more cost effective option. Normally I wouldn't have minded but due to tiredness I didn't want to risk driving / having a unproductive day at work. So rather than letting her stress in the morning at 4.30am looking for an uber before a surgery - I thought I did the kind thing of booking one for her. Maybe asking for the money back is a bitch move and unsure how to play it but I more often than not, do alot for people.

Like I said she also has a big birthday for which I'm expected to pay for her treat, money I don't have and I know it won't land well.

Show quote history

Is this woman actually your friend? You don’t seem to like her very much and you clearly don’t have the sort of relationship where you can be open about finances / things that are bothering you and work them out together. If you resent her this much, why not just end the relationship?