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Original poster

Expensive uber - who pays?

146 replies

Tam28 · 07/05/2025 10:26

My friend was having surgery at a hospital near my office but had to be there for 6.30am. It would've been fine as I normally go into the office at that time anyway but on this occasion, she didn't confirm plans until 10pm the night before and I stupidly said yes to collecting her at 5.30am (she lives 20/25 mins away). However I really struggled with sleep that night and I can't function on less than 5 hours sleep so at 2am I booked her an uber to save her the stress in the morning (which she would've done anyway if I hadn't taken her). It cost me £45 but its £45 I don't have in this cost-of-living crisis and she has made no indication of paying me back. Its a big birthday for her soon too which is also going to cost me £50 (again I don't have but will have to find a way)...

So how do I approach this? I can't afford this and find myself having to 'sacrifice money' and then find ways to make ends meet.

Bare in mind, when she had the medical episode rather than calling her sis who lives 2 doors down because she assumed she was at work, she called me - I drove 20-25 mins because why wouldn't you and then accompanied her to the hospital - it took a whole afternoon. I have no issues being there for people but sometimes...I question if they would do the same. Not the same, but in the two months I was in hospital with a parent, she didn't once come down although she worked nearby. In fairness, she did message but one of my other friends managed to visit to check in on me.

OP posts:

Advocodo · 07/05/2025 16:34

JollyGreenSleeves · 07/05/2025 14:26

Just get flowers for her bday

This!

Oldglasses · 07/05/2025 16:39

Agree in this instance you need to pay because you were going to give her a lift and you let her down. She had no time to make alternative plans and you didn't give her the option of doing so ie, a family member.

Kulwinder54 · 07/05/2025 16:41

you pay for the uber and be way more careful about what you commit yourself to in the future.

CellophaneFlower · 07/05/2025 16:42

Hairgrip · 07/05/2025 14:20

Oh look, a convenient drop feed because the thread's not going your way.

Eh? What was the drip feed? OP's update contained nothing she hadn't put in her OP (so not actually sure what the point was).

I'm surprised your friend hasn't mentioned it... I'd never have expected you to pay. But I also wouldn't have expected you to agree to something and let me down 4 hours later so 🤷‍♀️

DefinitelyMaybe92 · 07/05/2025 16:43

Thisisittheapocalypse · 07/05/2025 16:03

Tell her you can't do the birthday lunch as you spent the money on her uber to the hospital. Be blunt.

The friend didn’t ask her to book the taxi, so to throw it back in her face in such a passive aggressive way, in my opinion, would be incredibly immature.

If I needed to get some personal groceries and my DH took it upon himself, without talking to me, to go out and buy me loads of things I didn’t ask for then a few weeks later when our anniversary rolls around says that he couldn’t afford to buy me anything because he’d spent it on those groceries (that I appreciated, but didn’t ask for and could have sorted myself given a chance), I would think he was absolutely insane.

CalleOcho · 07/05/2025 16:43

The dynamics of this friendship sound really odd.

Both of you don’t sound that understanding or sympathetic towards one another.

Her: she should have offered you petrol money for you to take her to hospital so early in the morning before work. (I wouldn’t dream of asking a friend to give me a lift so early in the morning when I know they work).

You: if you accepted to take her. You should have taken her. Sleep or no sleep. You sound like a princess and that you just couldn’t be bothered. You should have stood your ground in the first place and explained you would be unable to take her. But instead you accepted and then inconvenienced her. Not a good move.

Of course you pay the taxi fare.

But I’d accept the friendship to drift after this. You are both selfish.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/05/2025 17:01

You decided not to do it at the last second, so you pay the fare.

ChateauMargaux · 07/05/2025 17:04

It doesn't sound like you are confident in this relationship, that if you did not go out of your way for her, that she would continue to be your friend, it also doesn't sound like she comes running to your side when you need her.

Think about what you want from this relationship and what you are prepared to sacrifice for it... think about how you want it to work, going forward..

For her birthday - be honest - you can not afford to treat her.. can you invite her round for a nice evening at you house? Set this out, long before the day, so that she knows what the plan is and why...

Re the Uber: How long ago was it? If it was this week.. maybe you could approach her...
Sarah - I hope you are recovering well from your operation. I am really sorry to bring this up, but I have to be honest, I am struggling to make ends meet at the moment. When you asked if I could get up at 5 - to take you to the hospital, of course, I immediately said yes.. but then I was awake at 2am and couldn't imagine driving for an hour with so little sleep - I didn't want to go back on my promise to get you to the hospital so I booked an Uber. Do you think that you would be able to cover the cost of this - maybe we could go halves?

and while I am bearing my soul and my skint finances - I know it's your birthday coming up soon - usually I would take you out for a meal - this year, I would love to have you round to mine to be wined and dined instead. I hope you understand.

CookieQueen85 · 07/05/2025 17:05

I feel that as you agreed to provide a lift, then changed your mind that you should cover the costs of the uber, as this left her in the lurch otherwise. Surely you can take a pass on the birthday treat due to financial restraints if this hasn't been paid out yet. If questioned, consider mentioning the uber cost that you hadn't factored into your outgoings for the month which has left you short.

thepariscrimefiles · 07/05/2025 17:07

Tam28 · 07/05/2025 13:46

EDIT: She was going to take an uber before she asked me but I was the more cost effective option. Normally I wouldn't have minded but due to tiredness I didn't want to risk driving / having a unproductive day at work. So rather than letting her stress in the morning at 4.30am looking for an uber before a surgery - I thought I did the kind thing of booking one for her. Maybe asking for the money back is a bitch move and unsure how to play it but I more often than not, do alot for people.

Like I said she also has a big birthday for which I'm expected to pay for her treat, money I don't have and I know it won't land well.

Show quote history

All the help seems to go one way, from you to her. I think you probably need to pay for the Uber but certainly don't bother with her birthday treat if you can't afford it.

Birdist · 07/05/2025 17:10

You should certainly offer to pay. I wouldn't accept though if I were your friend.

CandyCane457 · 07/05/2025 17:21

Tam28 · 07/05/2025 13:46

Like I said she also has a big birthday for which I'm expected to pay for her treat, money I don't have and I know it won't land well.

Show quote history

Ordering an Uber isn’t really that stressful. In hindsight you’d have been better off texting her and letting her know you could no longer do it, and she could’ve called and sorted her own Uber.

BruFord · 07/05/2025 17:22

Don't pay for her birthday treat, be honest and say that you're going through a lean time and you simply haven't got any money. If it's a meal or a day out, cancel it now so she realizes that you're serious, you're not going to be persuaded.

violetsorrengail · 07/05/2025 17:23

People don't suddenly become incapable of functioning after one night of slightly less sleep than normal. Presumably she didn't know til 10pm that she'd be going in either? I think you should pay, yes. By booking it for her at 2am you sort of made that choice between paying and taking her and decided it was worth £45 not to take her...

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 07/05/2025 17:23

Is that what usually happens - paying for each other's ' treat ' on your birthdays ? is this instead of a present or is the ' treat ' the present ?

IttyBittyLittleKitty · 07/05/2025 17:26

Birdist · 07/05/2025 17:10

You should certainly offer to pay. I wouldn't accept though if I were your friend.

You pay upfront for an Uber, so OP has already paid. She's thinking her friend should pay her back.

scotstars · 07/05/2025 17:28

I think you offered a lift so should pay the Uber. I wouldn't spend £50 on her birthday a token gift and if it was raised (unlikely) I'd say no spare funds after paying Uber

SipandClean · 07/05/2025 17:31

Maybe don't spend £50 on her birthday. Find something a lot cheaper.

Bamboozledbylife · 07/05/2025 17:37

Yes, you need to ffot the Uber cost (although I think if it was me I'd have refunded it!). For her birthday arrange a day out/meal in the future so you can save for it?

MissHollysDolly · 07/05/2025 17:41

You booked the Uber, you pay for it. If you’d called her at 2 she would have had to book one and pay for it, or find another option. You took that choice away

Soontobesingles · 07/05/2025 17:45

Obviously you pay.

you agreed to the lift
you decided you couldn’t do the lift in the middle of the night when it was too late for her to arrange an alternative
you booked the Uber without asking her if that was ok

I can’t even seen how you think it would be reasonable to expect her to pay in these conditions? If you couldn’t afford it you should have either driven tired or called/texted her when you realised you couldn’t and left her to make her own rearrangements.

category12 · 07/05/2025 17:46

Like I said she also has a big birthday for which I'm expected to pay for her treat, money I don't have and I know it won't land well.
Unless it's a case of a group chipping in for something for her where you'd be messing everyone up, you can back out of this and say "sorry, bud, can't afford that after all, let's do x instead " or give her something smaller.

If she will huff about it, she's not much of a mate.

You're the one who pulled out of giving her a lift at the last minute, so yes, you need to suck that cost up.

If you're a people-pleaser who often ends up over-promising and being unable to deliver or resentful of it, you need to address that tendency and start saying no & putting in boundaries.

Inbloom123 · 07/05/2025 17:51

You have to pay as you booked the Uber. Make your excuses re: her birthday and tell her you can’t afford it. That would be less rude than asking for the Uber money.

Minnie798 · 07/05/2025 18:02

I also think you pay for the Uber. You agreed to drive her (for surgery, not a shopping trip or something) and then decided at 2am that you couldn't. This could have left her really stuck, which you know as you then booked her an Uber. Re- evaluating the friendship is fine if you feel like it's all give and no take. But is separate to the uber situation.

CoralOP · 07/05/2025 18:07

Of course you pay. You made a choice at 2am between more sleep or ordering an uber at a cost of £45. You choose sleep so it costs you £45. Your friend had nothing to do with these decisions.

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