Expensive uber - who pays?

[Tam28]

My friend was having surgery at a hospital near my office but had to be there for 6.30am. It would've been fine as I normally go into the office at that time anyway but on this occasion, she didn't confirm plans until 10pm the night before and I stupidly said yes to collecting her at 5.30am (she lives 20/25 mins away). However I really struggled with sleep that night and I can't function on less than 5 hours sleep so at 2am I booked her an uber to save her the stress in the morning (which she would've done anyway if I hadn't taken her). It cost me £45 but its £45 I don't have in this cost-of-living crisis and she has made no indication of paying me back. Its a big birthday for her soon too which is also going to cost me £50 (again I don't have but will have to find a way)...

So how do I approach this? I can't afford this and find myself having to 'sacrifice money' and then find ways to make ends meet.

Bare in mind, when she had the medical episode rather than calling her sis who lives 2 doors down because she assumed she was at work, she called me - I drove 20-25 mins because why wouldn't you and then accompanied her to the hospital - it took a whole afternoon. I have no issues being there for people but sometimes...I question if they would do the same. Not the same, but in the two months I was in hospital with a parent, she didn't once come down although she worked nearby. In fairness, she did message but one of my other friends managed to visit to check in on me.

Of course you pay!

But you agreed to take her.

You don't know what she might have managed to arrange if you haven't agreed. Pre-booked Ubers are more expensive also.

Sorry it's on you for wimping out.

You backed out of the favour so you pay ! obviously can’t believe you think she should
you were the one letting her down

also go to the birthday and stump up £50 as she will have no idea you are pissed iff with her

cut back on other expenses and chalk it up to life experience

Paying for the upcoming birthday is your decision too - if you don’t want to / can’t pay it, don’t!

That makes no sense in many situations. Group of friends sharing a ride home. One person has to book but it doesn’t mean the fare is on them.

You said you go into the office at 6.30am anyway. You were due to collect her at 5.30am. So, you messed her around for the sake of one hour? What difference would that have actually made to your day? Definitely on you to pay as you changed the plans.

Oh look, a convenient drop feed because the thread's not going your way.

I'm not good without sleepeither, but given that you'd agreed to drive her, I'd have done that and coped somehow. If you really couldn't, you tell her and let her book her own taxi. As you booked it for her, I'd guess she's assuming you want to pay.

just get her a card for her birthday present and write in it that the uber is her birthday present

Of course you should pay! Never heard such a poor excuse not to drive anyway. She's a mate - not a quid-pro-quo financial agreement.

Just get flowers for her bday

At 2am, she didn't have the opportunity to make other arrangements at that point.

I do know how wretched it is to watch the night slipping away from you while you're still wide awake. But you've already said you'll pay.

What is the gift expectation? A joint gift or something that you’ve already committed to?

Otherwise it’s easy. ‘Sorry Sally it’s only a small gift as had to shell out for that Uber. Bit boring but probably the most useful gift I could have given you!’

Obviously you pay?? Is this a wind-up? You booked it, you pay it. She clearly asked for a lift to avoid paying extortionate taxi fares in the first place. If you couldn’t do it, you should have said no. She didn’t force you to say yes and there’s nothing to say that given enough notice she wouldn’t have made an alternative arrangement that didn’t involve taxis. The last para is moot - if you’re not happy with the give and take (or lack thereof) in the relationship, then maybe step back a bit, but it doesn’t change this particular situation.

If you had any reasonable expectation of being paid back you should have agreed on that before booking the Uber.
You took that upon yourself and didn't inform her of any costs beforehand, in her mind she was going to get a lift for free and even if she had given you petrol money it still wouldn't have cost her £45.

I think she really should have offered to pay you back BUT I don’t think you can broach the subject.

I would give her a lovely birthday card, and tell that you’re really sorry (grovel grovel etc) the taxi fare will have to be her present for now as you really are genuinely skint at the moment.

I don’t see how she wouldn’t be able to see reason with that, and hopefully she’ll forget about it, or if she’s half decent she’ll graciously accept the fare as a present (I would).

The friend should definitely offer to pay - I’d feel pretty embarrassed if someone else forked out on a taxi for my benefit at their cost. What else would she have done at that time? She sounds a bit cheeky and the OP needs to say no next time.

You were the one who let her down so you're the one who pays. Id feel slightly embarrassed for you if you asked for the money back.

No-one made OP book the Uber, it was her choice to do it so the friend owes her nothing

You pay.

But also you're a mug, she's not your friend. It cost you £45 to find out. What has she ever done for you?

Don't book an uber in advance.. it triples the price.
10 mins before you need it is okay.

I think you should write the Uber off, next time say you can’t help with a lift and do not offer to assist with booking Uber’s either. Realistically, your friend was going to book an Uber, so if I had been short of cash I’d just have said I was unwell and couldn’t help. Chalk it up to experience and maybe ask a favour or two in return?

I think on this scenario you pay but if I were her I would have offered to pay or at least contribute. Does this friendship mainly work one way? You shouldn’t be scared to say that you don’t have funds for the birthday treat. A real friend would understand.

You pay. You committed to doing something and you let her down very late on and in the middle of the night.