DH near death experience but down to his own stupidity.

[breakdown98765]

I’m using a throw away account just in case this becomes outing. I am trying to keep it vague as I need to rant/support and do not want the world putting two-and-two together and thinking I’m a heartless wife while my husband shakes like a leaf in the corner. I’m writing this on relationships and not on AIBU to try to stop the crowd trying to unpick our anonymity.

I was hoping last year would be the wake up call he needed to change his lifestyle. It’s nothing illegal, nor morally wrong, just idiotic at best. I’d say he increases his chances of these NDE by at least 70% by part taking. Something you can get away with when you’re in your early twenties but not when you’ve got a wife, kids and getting older.

The night before the second NDE I had a go at him/‘what are you doing.. this is stupid’. I’ve been a lot more vocal since the first NDE with him being idiotic, so much so his called me a nag/acting like his mother. I’ve wrote on mumsnet before, there’s been an unanimous ‘yep he’s stressed but he needs another outlet/become a real grown up etc’. He’s been in delusion that his choices did not correlate with NDE but there can be absolute no argument with two NDE that this is not a fluke. I guess he thought I was being a nag because I was wrong. Everyone in my immediate circle called it as soon as they heard. His side not so much as they don’t know what he’s doing to contribute to it. It’s basically like he’s saying he’s fell down the stairs but missed out the part of him doing it on stilts. While delusional he’s evidently embarrassed and knows he’ll be judged.

Fortunately he’s got no life altering injuries but now isn't the time for me to be having it out with him. I’ve not been able to eat since it happened. He’s extremely apologetic, again, and beating himself up.

He’s also going to miss out on earning too screwing us financially too. Also another thing we can’t prioritise right now.

^this

what a bunch of gleeful bullies pestering OP! You obviously haven’t much empathy or imagination. It’s obvious she’s upset and she’s been very clear, details aren’t really the point.

@NoctuaAthene Well NOW I'm confused! 😆

They are a bit though...... Details ARE a bit 'the point...'

.

Finally a post that explains the situation!

I don’t see why. OP has said she is upset by his stupidity leading to near fatal accidents.

she needs help in drawing boundaries. If it’s upsetting her this much it doesn’t really matter what it is she has told him and he has ignored it. So it’s crunch time for her surely?

Did he electrocute himself? Dh is a sparky and it's not if it's when. We have 4 kids. His mate electrocuted himself this month on the mains. You be surprised how often it happens. Dh has done it at least twice ( someone flips the mains on, someone doesn't earth something they should etc). His closest brush with death at work was heavy machinery. If it's something like that it's part of life.

Hi OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through such an awful experience for both you and your DH. I hope he heals very quickly and is able to make the decisions he needs in order to stay alive & to reassess his priorities.
Sending love to you x

This was my first thought - Coke & then cardiac issues.

Just say what it is, you're ridiculous 😂😂

I should have said as well op - he’s put you in horrible position. What I think you should do might depend a bit whether you asked him not to since he’d already nearly killed hi self once. If you knew what he was going to do, but didn’t say anything, I’m less sympathetic.

The issue is with your vaguebooking we have no idea what you're actually talking about.

I’d like to send some empathy to you OP. Having supported a friend with a DH whose hobby resulted in many near fatal incidents.
The last of which, he ended up in an air ambulance followed by weeks in ICU/HDU. His job and their marriage didn’t survive it sadly.

WTF is this batshit post all about?!

“Theworldisinyourhands · Today 21:35

OP I think the grief you're getting on here is because people don't really know what you want from the post as several pp have already said. Do you just want a handhold? Advice on how to handle it? Despite your objections it seems to be you're getting both the above tbh.
If he really is almost dying from these shenadigans then I can see why you're so stressed. We're all different but I think it'd be game over for me especially with children involved. I can barely stand that my dh smokes tbh and have gotten very upset at him about it.
Are you able to say whether the danger is coming from the hobby itself (eg motorbiking/extreme climbing) or is it that he's doing a normal hobby eg fixing up cars but just failing to take the right measures to stay safe. The former I'd at least try to have some understanding that this is something he loves and there's only so safe he can make it. The latter I'd be telling him he stops being a twat right now or I'm off.
Either way You clearly need to be having a very serious conversation with your dh not mumsnet. I'd be encouraging him to also consider whether he needs counselling/mental health support. We all have autonomy and many of us love an adrenaline rush but an emotionally healthy person isn't typically so reckless with their mortality especially when they have dependants.”

@breakdown98765 - this with bells on.

I agree that using the term NDE is a bit confusing and distracting; for many of us, that’s when people are extremely badly injured, see their own body and get called towards the light etc.

The key point here is that your DH has somehow twice nearly killed himself - or been killed - doing something he’s apparently not really equipped to do (perhaps not fit enough or not competent enough or not careful enough to do).

Whatever it is, you’re right to be very upset with him. And whatever it is, it seems very unlikely he would get away a third time. So some very serious conversations are needed and he needs to stop doing whatever it is he’s doing to endanger himself.

Well yes, there’s no point getting cross OP and accusing folk of wanting titillation. There’s really nothing in your posts to go off.
unless this is a ridiculously niche hobby then this isn’t going to out you. Bizarre.

I think this is an excellent explanation of what is probably going on here. Regardless of exactly what he is doing, he is doing it in a stupidly dangerous manner, minimising the risks and not listening to OP because he thinks he knows better. Except it keeps going wrong. It is costing them money, she is constantly worried about what he will do next to put his life and her family at risk. He is being monumentally selfish and arrogant.

Sick of these threads where everyone has to guess and the OP just waffles without giving the full story or disappears........

Is it parkour or free running? I know someone who continues to do it even though his best friend died.
Is it mountaineering? I find this a staggeringly selfish hobby once you have children.

There's plenty of info for the responses OP needs! Her idiot husband does something stupid and reckless and has now nearly been killed twice. It would be an ultimatum from me OP - he stops whatever it is or it's over, he can kill himself on his own time. I have absolutely zero time or respect for any parent who wantonly risks their own life.

TBH @breakdown98765 you could be talking out of your proverbial in terms of your description of a NDE I've had several FWIW - you may be right of course but you could be basing your interpretation of an event on a myth, or a misunderstanding or a lack of knowledge - and perhaps attaching an undue amount of blame to your husband - without just stating up front exactly the actual issue is you are not only wasting everyone else's time but also your own.

Can people stop fixating on OP's use of NDE? She simply means her husband keeps almost killing himself. It really isn't that hard to understand.

Sounds completely terrifying. I'm reminded of Richard Hammond. I'm not surprised his wife has left him. There comes a point where you just think, OK you do you, but I'm not up for this any more. I would have zero bandwidth for this sort of thing.

After dh died, I was quite surprised how much not being afraid of him dying any more changed my life.

I hope it's the second one

I was about to mention Richard Hammond - didn’t know his wife had left him. In his case it would have meant giving up a massively lucrative career, so I can see why the temptation was to continue. I’m hoping that in OP’s husband’s case there’s no financial incentive to keep doing it.

I thought some kind of drugs too.