DH near death experience but down to his own stupidity.

[breakdown98765]

I’m using a throw away account just in case this becomes outing. I am trying to keep it vague as I need to rant/support and do not want the world putting two-and-two together and thinking I’m a heartless wife while my husband shakes like a leaf in the corner. I’m writing this on relationships and not on AIBU to try to stop the crowd trying to unpick our anonymity.

I was hoping last year would be the wake up call he needed to change his lifestyle. It’s nothing illegal, nor morally wrong, just idiotic at best. I’d say he increases his chances of these NDE by at least 70% by part taking. Something you can get away with when you’re in your early twenties but not when you’ve got a wife, kids and getting older.

The night before the second NDE I had a go at him/‘what are you doing.. this is stupid’. I’ve been a lot more vocal since the first NDE with him being idiotic, so much so his called me a nag/acting like his mother. I’ve wrote on mumsnet before, there’s been an unanimous ‘yep he’s stressed but he needs another outlet/become a real grown up etc’. He’s been in delusion that his choices did not correlate with NDE but there can be absolute no argument with two NDE that this is not a fluke. I guess he thought I was being a nag because I was wrong. Everyone in my immediate circle called it as soon as they heard. His side not so much as they don’t know what he’s doing to contribute to it. It’s basically like he’s saying he’s fell down the stairs but missed out the part of him doing it on stilts. While delusional he’s evidently embarrassed and knows he’ll be judged.

Fortunately he’s got no life altering injuries but now isn't the time for me to be having it out with him. I’ve not been able to eat since it happened. He’s extremely apologetic, again, and beating himself up.

He’s also going to miss out on earning too screwing us financially too. Also another thing we can’t prioritise right now.

I don't think he's going to change OP. And the fact he's survived 2 near death experiences will probably make him even more sure of his invincibility

Parkour? 🤔

Egotistically doing something along the lines of using an extension cable in the rain? I mean that's stupid, it's not egotistical.

What do you think it is

as been some very interesting suggestions so far

OP, I've only read your posts. I'm afraid I really dont' understand what your problem is. But I would say that if he's nearly died twice, doing the same thing, then it's perfectly reasonable to suggest to him that he's unlikely to survive a third time and he needs to stop.

This is easier if it's something like an extreme hobby. Harder if it's him doing something stupid like not thinking and crossing the road and being hit by a car. If th eformer, he needs to take ownership. if it' smore like the latter, he needs to seek help for why he can't make sensible decisions for tasks that should be fairly normal and easy to do safely.

I’ll never understand threads like this.

@AthWat of course it’s ego - thinking normal rules don’t apply to you…?!

Or being ignorant that something is dangerous. (Note that it wasn't this, it was something else. How ignorant one would have to be of course depends on what that thing was, which she won't say.)

I do feel for you OP.
It is hard to be entirely sane when under this sort of pressure. Yes -your feelings are justified!

I hope that your head clears and that you feel better soon.

It seems that your post creates mystery so that the 'story' is hard to follow unless you fill it in with guesses. That distracts your readers from the things you want to talk about. (Most responses are puzzled rather than nosey or unkind.)

I feel for you especially because perfectly ordinary cycling nearly did for my DH. Half his ICU 'ward' died the first week-end he was in. The patients were all there because an ordinary moment in their lives went catastrophically wrong.

He was in a hit and run - left by the road with a serious head injury. He hovered between life and death for some weeks. I lived in an ICU bubble of terror and distress - my children were looked after by my parents (and a whole village of support). We were in an incomeless muddle as the children were young and I was on a career break to care for them - and follow his work.

DH (now known as miracle-man by our doc) pulled through and after a two years was back (almost) to normal. I am also (almost) back to normal - though will never be happy on a career-break again.

He didn't do anything wrong -apart from cycle along roads used by motor vehicles. Something sticking out of a large vehicle hit him from behind. The driver left him for dead (though a day later we think that the driver did phone the hospital).

DH still cycles and I still worry but life is nothing if not lived and it can be very short. We did learn that.

@breakdown98765thats all very well, but what do you want anybody on here to say?

you’ve created a throwaway account so nobody in real life will know it’s you….then continue to be too cryptic to understand.

there’s really nothing anybody can say and I suggest you seek some support in real life.

Yes—there is a certain kind of person who comes across as extremely stupid because their extreme egotism prevents them from grasping that gravity, rules, social expectations, financial burdens all apply equally to everyone including themselves. But its egotism crossed with stubbornness really.

Does he use a router?
They're horrific.

Power tools are not a thing I like.

I can tell what she’s talking about. The man has done something electrical— like rewiring a building himself— and has electrocuted himself twice.

So, fell running, tombstoning, bridge jumping and the like are all bonkers and incredibly dangerous activities which in this case involved injury, rescue and/or paramedics. It could well have made the local news so I can see why the OP is reluctant to disclose details.
She says he is very shaken. She is scared out if her wits. I would be too, it’s utterly selfish and beyond irresponsible for a man with family to take part in them.
Much sympathy, OP, and i hope this was a huge wake up call for him. If not and you have to reconsider your future it would be completely down to him. You’d get no judgement from me.

Well, given she said it’s something he’d have gotten away with if he’d still been in his 20’s, I’ll wager you’re in fact wrong.

This is why I thought that

I think if you're having to write 'near death experience' so many times it necessitates an acronym something is very wrong.

How can we help you understand?

Well, yes, how can you with such a paucity of detail from op?
You can try, but I’ll bet you know as little as anyone else 😁

He obviously has nine lives! Some people do take risks but I doubt he will do it again, probably scared himself. For goodness sake, it wasn't deliberate.

I would be interested to hear the details of his NDE if you feel able to share.

I’m curious what wounds if take 2/3mths to heal - did he break something

I don’t think it was NDE in the way you’re thinking. More like - he could have died. Twice.
OP , I feel for you. Your H is an irresponsible idiot.

He has done it again! D’oh…