DH near death experience but down to his own stupidity.

[breakdown98765]

I’m using a throw away account just in case this becomes outing. I am trying to keep it vague as I need to rant/support and do not want the world putting two-and-two together and thinking I’m a heartless wife while my husband shakes like a leaf in the corner. I’m writing this on relationships and not on AIBU to try to stop the crowd trying to unpick our anonymity.

I was hoping last year would be the wake up call he needed to change his lifestyle. It’s nothing illegal, nor morally wrong, just idiotic at best. I’d say he increases his chances of these NDE by at least 70% by part taking. Something you can get away with when you’re in your early twenties but not when you’ve got a wife, kids and getting older.

The night before the second NDE I had a go at him/‘what are you doing.. this is stupid’. I’ve been a lot more vocal since the first NDE with him being idiotic, so much so his called me a nag/acting like his mother. I’ve wrote on mumsnet before, there’s been an unanimous ‘yep he’s stressed but he needs another outlet/become a real grown up etc’. He’s been in delusion that his choices did not correlate with NDE but there can be absolute no argument with two NDE that this is not a fluke. I guess he thought I was being a nag because I was wrong. Everyone in my immediate circle called it as soon as they heard. His side not so much as they don’t know what he’s doing to contribute to it. It’s basically like he’s saying he’s fell down the stairs but missed out the part of him doing it on stilts. While delusional he’s evidently embarrassed and knows he’ll be judged.

Fortunately he’s got no life altering injuries but now isn't the time for me to be having it out with him. I’ve not been able to eat since it happened. He’s extremely apologetic, again, and beating himself up.

He’s also going to miss out on earning too screwing us financially too. Also another thing we can’t prioritise right now.

Ladder work. Fucking terrifies me when DH insists he can do it, he takes lots of precautions, tying eveything in and down and under etc but at his age (retired!) and with our income I think he should just pack it in and we get a professional to do the work.

Or Frank Spencer!

An activity you can get away with in your early 20s but not beyond

Hmm. Being Kanye West's wife is the only thing that springs immediately to mind but I gather it's not that.

Cryptic and utter useless posts from OP.

I’d buy him an extra long extension lead, as at least that will be slightly safer.

What is he doing that needs doing in the rain?

Yes OP, is his hobby hanging onto the back of double decker buses whilst wearing roller skates?

@breakdown98765 I've only read your posts OP so forgive me if PPs have made these points - also please forgive the 'practical' nature of them.
So, it's great you're married, but if you haven't already, you need to make Wills, LPAs (because he might be so badly injured one day that he loses capacity but doesn't actually die) and if you can afford it, take out life insurance on him. Maybe after doing all this - because you need to protect yours and your DCs' futures - he might finally come to his senses about how seriously worrying and potentially harmful his behaviour is for all of you.

Agree with this. Also health insurance so you don’t have to be his carer.
i keep thinking about that young mum who climbed mountains and died doing so. Utterly selfish, but some people can’t stop.

I'm in the same situation. My husband will be 79 this year and gets so cross that I worry when he's up ladders and on the roof. 😟

That thing young people do when they jump from one wall or building to another? I don't know what it's called.

Urban base jumping shit? Leaping off walls onto streetlight poles and somersaulting off bridges? I hate seeing that stuff when it pops up on my instagram feed.

I think this is one of those situations where a ‘told you so’ attitude isn’t going to help. I would be sitting him down and really talking through why he felt he could do it and why he doesn’t think of you and the kids in his decision-making. Not in an accusing way but an exploratory type way. Once you’ve both calmed down.

Free diving?

Parcours

Parkrun could easily end some of us (me in my 30s)

I’d get him insured up to the hilt and let him crack on. Sounds like you’ll be quids in next time.

Tree and chainsaw?

No idea what you mean honestly. Think you'll have to say.

Hard to know without knowing the NDE

'A near-death experience (NDE) is defined as a conscious experience that occurs when someone has begun the process of dying. This experience can include vivid subjective sensations such as an out-of-body experience. NDEs can be profound and life-changing' Psychology Today

It's not just when someone nearly dies.
I suppose if he's choking himself, near-hanging, that might prompt an NDE.
It's usually more a spiritual than physical thing.
I've had an NDE, twenty years ago. I was taken into the presence of God and questioned. I experienced incredible bliss, peace and joy. When I returned to this life, I had to grieve for years for what I had lost.
Is he really in this state?

Can’t say without knowing what it is, sorry OP.

YANBU. DH once broke his arm by falling off a ladder because he was using it incorrectly. He uses ladders everyday, does multiple trainings each year on how to use them correctly, I was so furious with him but no one else seemed to be and I felt like I was going crazy.

Anyone else seriously struggling to understand wtf she’s talking about?

Yes

NDE NDE

Does she mean ‘husband is stupid and nearly killed himself twice despite me warning him not to mess with x’