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Original poster

Update on New Partner Wet the Bed

282 replies

NewManIssue · 01/05/2025 19:01

I’m not sure how to link to my previous thread, sorry!

So. I told him it was a deal breaker and since then I’ve learned a LOT about him. He is very keen to change his life and all the signs and actions are good. He’s definitely got a shit relationship with alcohol bordering on alcoholic if not an alcoholic however he has made massive efforts to change this and the effects are significant.

we had a great weekend away and since then he’s gone from strength to strength. I’ve asked what he gets up to when we’re not together as we aren’t in one another’s pockets at my request, and all good. He’s making so much effort that I’m giving him a chance to see if it continues. He knows if it doesn’t I will walk. No repeats of bed wetting.

I know the nay sayers will call me an idiot but I’m not stupid and neither is he. I literally said I can’t have a relationship with an actively drinking alcoholic. End of.

So we shall see see. Still early days! He’s got more support than me in this as all his friends male and female are rooting for him and feel like a relationship with an adult is what he needed to do this. Everyone previously sounds like party people which I am but within reason. I’ve got a responsible job and a quiet life I also love!

OP posts:
LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 01/05/2025 19:04

This reply has been deleted

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VeryQuaintIrene · 01/05/2025 19:07

Good luck. I think you are going to need lots of it.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/05/2025 19:08

What massive efforts had he made to change things? Your last thread was quite recent and he is still very much on his best behaviour .

You’re not stupid but you are codependent and that emotional state does not help you at all. You’re already in a relationship with someone with alcohol problems. It is far too early for either of you to declare such change and I fear you will be hurt very badly by this relationship.

outerspacepotato · 01/05/2025 19:17

"like a relationship with an adult is what he needed to do this. "

How codependent are you?

I guess he peed on the right bed.

bigboykitty · 01/05/2025 19:18

Is he doing a programme that he sought out of his own volition?

BatChops1 · 01/05/2025 19:19

He certainly marked his territory on the right bedpost that’s for sure

but if you like relationships with incontinent alcoholics, he sounds perfect

declutteringmymind · 01/05/2025 19:19

He’s a very lucky man is all I can say.

titchy · 01/05/2025 19:20

You are having a relationship with an actively drinking alcoholic though unless I misunderstood your last thread.

Eggsinthewhoopsiebasketalready · 01/05/2025 19:20

Genuinely what makes you think you can fix him? I bet many have tried and failed....

Toootss · 01/05/2025 19:23

Didn’t read other thread.
vould he be adhd or autistic. People with adhd can have low dopamine levels - and seek alcohol, nicotine,sugar to compensate.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/05/2025 19:23

His primary relationship is not with you, it’s with alcohol. You will continue to walk a well trodden path where many have walked before you. They’ve all made the mistake that their love for the alcoholic in their midst will help change them and their life. Love is however, not enough.

If you sincerely want to help him you and he should part ways now.

GustyBaloo · 01/05/2025 19:26

Alcoholics need to stop for themselves.
They also shouldn't be in a new relationship whilst trying to do so.

He'll be drinking when you're not together.

Rainbowchicken · 01/05/2025 19:26

You said he was drunk! So he's an alcoholic who gets drunk! (but apparently he's cured?) Then he pissed in your bed and left it there! Wtf! There are low standards and then there are low standards. Please get some therapy or whatever you need to raise your sense of self worth and work on your codependency. You sound lovely but you are being absolutely blind, I genuinely feel sorry for you.

FlippyKiYayFlippyFlipper · 01/05/2025 19:27

I’ll say what I said on the last thread which is even more pertinent now you disclose he’s an alcoholic.

There is no way he didn’t know it was piss. Even if it’s an unusual occurrence for him (which you now know it isn’t, given he’s an alcoholic) he should have addressed it with you sooner OP. I think the whole scenario shows a clear lack of respect for you and your property.

Don't be a fool.

HunnyPot · 01/05/2025 19:27

Glad to hear it’s working out. You sound like you have healthy boundaries and unlike a lot of women on here you’re not living in rom-com world when you have to find a ‘perfect’ man to sweep you off your feet.

I wish you both all the best

Tootight · 01/05/2025 19:29

I wish you all the luck and strength in the world but I know from bitter experience drinkers are very good at telling you want you want to hear. I’d run and find someone who doesn’t have the potential to ruin your life. I’d rather be single than fix a broken man.

Rainbowchicken · 01/05/2025 19:30

HunnyPot · 01/05/2025 19:27

Glad to hear it’s working out. You sound like you have healthy boundaries and unlike a lot of women on here you’re not living in rom-com world when you have to find a ‘perfect’ man to sweep you off your feet.

I wish you both all the best

Who needs to be swept off their feet when they can be peed on instead 😂

outerspacepotato · 01/05/2025 19:30

"you are being absolutely blind, I genuinely feel sorry for you."

The terrifying thing is she's not blind. She's walking into this with her eyes wide open.

She thinks she can change him.

@AttilaTheMeerkat laid it out very well.

HappyNewTaxYear · 01/05/2025 19:32

HunnyPot · 01/05/2025 19:27

Glad to hear it’s working out. You sound like you have healthy boundaries and unlike a lot of women on here you’re not living in rom-com world when you have to find a ‘perfect’ man to sweep you off your feet.

I wish you both all the best

oh dear oh dear oh dear

yeesh · 01/05/2025 19:34

Crazy

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 01/05/2025 19:34

You are not his rescuer or his saviour, or his counsellor, or his rehab centre.

He has to want to give up alcohol more than he wants his next drink.

An addiction is just that. It isn't easy to overcome an addiction, and he has to do it himself. If his motivation comes from wanting to do it for you, all well and good, but you can't make him stop drinking. He is the only person who can do that.

TwistedWonder · 01/05/2025 19:35

HunnyPot · 01/05/2025 19:27

Glad to hear it’s working out. You sound like you have healthy boundaries and unlike a lot of women on here you’re not living in rom-com world when you have to find a ‘perfect’ man to sweep you off your feet.

I wish you both all the best

There quite a huge gulf between ‘perfect man to sweep you off your feet’ and ‘middle aged alcoholic who pisses the bed’ - and no one with healthy boundaries would entertain going into a relationship with the latter

GanninHyem · 01/05/2025 19:35

I literally said I can’t have a relationship with an actively drinking alcoholic. End of.

Except you literally are lmao.

nocoolnamesleft · 01/05/2025 19:36

If he is serious about straightening himself out, he needs to do so solo, and only attempt a relationship after he is on an even keel.