My husband is unattracted to me I’ve done everything he has asked

[sadfish19]

First off I have gained a lot of weight during my long relationship.Which is my fault I didn’t realize how depressed I was until I got better. I take full responsibility and I am greatful that my husband didn’t leave me then. I know I am a great wife I cook all the meals do all the cleaning I even take care of all the financials. Besides outdoor projects he doesn’t really have to lift a finger. I work from home so I’m always here.

Over the past few years I have taken steps to lose weight and be more active. The past 6 months the I’ve been on a GLP1 and lost 30 more lbs I’m 5’2 so it’s very noticeable he has even completed me on it. I feel really proud of myself and feeling confident and good. Of course I wanted to be healthier but the day I ordered the medication started with my husband telling me everything he was unhappy about my body the way I dress not being feminine enough etc.

Ever since then I make a daily effort to check all of the boxes he has made for me I make sure to make myself presentable everyday before my husband comes home .I have a rule that I wear a dress every other day at least.
Do hair/makeup at least multiple times a week.

Exactly 6 months almost to the day he has the same issues with me. Like I have done absolutely nothing even though on a daily basis I make sure to check those boxes he wanted from me.
Over the past year and a half I have made an effort to do more cardio I get at least 10k steps a day and it has really helped with weight loss. My stamina is amazing now. He told me that doesn’t count and I need to actually work out. I need to get ready everyday like I’m going to a “real job” I wfm.

I’m already doing these things and I get no credit at all in another 6 months I feel like it’s going to happen again. Even if I look good everyday and lose as much more weight as I can.
I don’t know what to do I have no friends or anyone I can talk to. I feel like I’m going insane.
I’ve been so happy lately feeling better about myself thinking everything is great and he’s still unhappy. Nothing I do is ever good enough even if it’s exactly what is asked of me I don’t get it.
He never has to feel like his partner doesn’t like him or doesn’t want him.

Absolutely the cause of my anxiety and PTSD hands down

He IS terrible. You just can’t see it.

Its called trauma bonding, and he’s the trauma.

You got together when you were extremely young (too young, in my opinion), and your relationship sounds utterly suffocating. Are you sure you're both happy and in love... not just YOU? It sounds like your husband might have doubts, and now wants different things at 29-30 than when he was 14.

You can have it, probably quite easily. You just have to call it time on what you're doing now.

Well find someone who does think you are a catch too. Because this guy sure as shit doesn’t and it doesn’t matter how much weight you lose - he will still disrespect you.

Leave him. He's failing to reach a very low bar which would just to be a regular human.

Left him when he was little same with his dad he has no family I’m his family. I understand she wasn’t raised in a stable home like myself I think that’s why I give him a break with everything.

You sound codependent and pathologically desperate for approval and validation and to please and to be the ideal .... whatever (partner, wife, woman, homemaker).

Is it your childhood that's caused you to be like this?

I'm actually reading The Stepford Wives at the moment.

Very apposite.

He will never be happy , the issue is with him and not you .
He sounds like an absolute pig.
Tell him to go

You are only 29, run like the fucking wind!!

His timing was intentional. He sensed you were gaining confidence and there's no way he wants you feeling confident, comfortable, good, loved.

He will never feel like that or behave that way towards you. He has no respect for you whatever.

You are being taken completely for granted because you have always been there, and always bent over backwards to please him. He doesn't appreciate anything you do - all he does is find fault with whatever he decides is not up to standard.

If he’s all you’ve known since you were 14, then you don’t know any different.
At 14, you have a teenage body. At 29 you are a fully grown woman.
So as well as being all of his family you also run his household. If he had half a brain he’d work out that if you left him, he’d be lost.
But no.
There is so little in your words about you - your hopes and dreams. It’s all about what he wants.
You won’t make him happy because he sounds incapable of true happiness.
Stop doing things for him. And at 29 I would leave and start again.

Yours sounds like a very old fashioned marriage, where you are the little woman waiting for him to come home from work and making sure that you look nice and that he doesn't have to lift a finger. However, it still isn't good enough for him.

What does he do to try and please you and make you happy?

He sounds pretty horrible. He is trying to ruin your self-confidence. Do you know why he would do that?

Reading your post, my immediate reaction was that your husband may come from or belong to a culture that is very misogynistic. Where a women's 'place' is at home, to be their skivvy and look attractive.

Am I right?

Was this an arranged marriage by any chance?

I imagined too your were in your 50s not 29.

Leave him.

Arranged marriage where they have been together since 14?
I doubt this is cultural - he’s just a wanker, doesn’t want to be with her anymore but can’t pluck up the courage to tell her that it’s over.

WTF did I just read OP. I'd have chucked him out long ago with no boxes ticked at all. What's he doing to please you?

Exactly what I thought. If not arranged marriage, it's a very patriarchal culture which has women subjugated to the kitchen and bedroom and not much place else.

"And I always put out".

Yuck. What did I just read.

There's sex. Which you do as a chore.

And then there's enjoyable loving sex which makes you feeling amazing and desired...

Sadly, I agree with this. It sounds like he’s just not attracted to you anymore- potentially because you don’t have a lot going on in your life? Any long relationship can get boring and if you have no outside friends or interests it’s likely your relationship has become stagnant.
This is no criticism of how you look- it’s more an observation that you’re both still very young and this sounds too small and stifling a life?

You’ve made a mistake by doing all the cooking and cleaning, he thinks you’re an inferior maid servant now. He won’t respect you whilst you’re bending over backwards to please him so much.
My best guess is that he is watching porn and now had erectile dysfunction from that but is blaming you instead.

Once you meet his revised targets he'll move the goal posts again. You won't win.

This definitely! You're doing brilliantly and sound like a dream wife. You need to get out and make some friends. This will give you better perspective and hopefully help you to realise what a catch YOU are and how lucky HE is to have YOU.

@sadfish19 you type the @ sign and the posters name, or you can quote them. There may be a reply option in the app (which I don’t have).

However, your ‘partner’ having this conversation with you 1-2 times a year, is 1-2 times too many! He should not be trying to make you dance to his tune like this? It isn’t normal. And the only person you should change for, is YOU. Seriously, tell him to shut up or do one!

You need to find a good therapist to unpick why you think it's ok to live your life trying to please a man who can't be pleased
You then need to find a solicitor and divorce this gaslighting clown, you will eventually because you already feel like you're going insane. Get out now while you're still young and can meet someone who will love you regardless of what life throws at you