My husband is unattracted to me I’ve done everything he has asked

[sadfish19]

First off I have gained a lot of weight during my long relationship.Which is my fault I didn’t realize how depressed I was until I got better. I take full responsibility and I am greatful that my husband didn’t leave me then. I know I am a great wife I cook all the meals do all the cleaning I even take care of all the financials. Besides outdoor projects he doesn’t really have to lift a finger. I work from home so I’m always here.

Over the past few years I have taken steps to lose weight and be more active. The past 6 months the I’ve been on a GLP1 and lost 30 more lbs I’m 5’2 so it’s very noticeable he has even completed me on it. I feel really proud of myself and feeling confident and good. Of course I wanted to be healthier but the day I ordered the medication started with my husband telling me everything he was unhappy about my body the way I dress not being feminine enough etc.

Ever since then I make a daily effort to check all of the boxes he has made for me I make sure to make myself presentable everyday before my husband comes home .I have a rule that I wear a dress every other day at least.
Do hair/makeup at least multiple times a week.

Exactly 6 months almost to the day he has the same issues with me. Like I have done absolutely nothing even though on a daily basis I make sure to check those boxes he wanted from me.
Over the past year and a half I have made an effort to do more cardio I get at least 10k steps a day and it has really helped with weight loss. My stamina is amazing now. He told me that doesn’t count and I need to actually work out. I need to get ready everyday like I’m going to a “real job” I wfm.

I’m already doing these things and I get no credit at all in another 6 months I feel like it’s going to happen again. Even if I look good everyday and lose as much more weight as I can.
I don’t know what to do I have no friends or anyone I can talk to. I feel like I’m going insane.
I’ve been so happy lately feeling better about myself thinking everything is great and he’s still unhappy. Nothing I do is ever good enough even if it’s exactly what is asked of me I don’t get it.
He never has to feel like his partner doesn’t like him or doesn’t want him.

My ex did this with me. When I was 18 he had me on exercise regimes and checklists of what I could eat. I had to tick the boxes etc. He didn't want me to look like my mum who was a size 18. I was so young and naive. Thought we were in love because he was nice to me other times. He was also very controlling in other aspects but some I didn't realise I til years later after we'd split up. Jokes on him, I'm happily married with kids AND I'm bigger than an 18! Ha!

It sounds like you haven't had that awakening yet because you're still in the same relationship you were when you were a child. It's time to put on your big girl pants my friend. The world is scary but it can also be wonderous. Love to you x

He's the only husband you've ever had, so you have nothing to compare him to. That's sad, because he sounds like a Grade A Cunt, and most women would see it instantly. Of course he is telling you that you aren't good enough - that's how he keeps you in your place, doing all the grunt work, and he even has you thinking that you enjoy it.

If you think you were put on this earth to serve him, then I feel sorry for you. You really need to get out and away from him.

Nothing you do will be good enough. Ever. Just chew on that for a minute. Don't you deserve a man that worships you? In 17 years of marriage my DH has never commented on my weight EVER and has never tried to put me down.

This is so sad to read 😢. When someone constantly criticises you, makes you think you have to check all the boxes to be loved or acceptable to them, making you think you need to reach certain ‘attractive’ standards (according to him), you are unfortunately and sadly being abused.

A good man/partner builds you up and makes you feel good about yourself. If you decide to do something for yourself such as losing weight, he should encourage and support you, asking if there’s anything he can do to help etc and praising you for the weight loss you achieve.

The fact you have no friends also concerns me as that is another tactic used. Is there a reason you don’t see friends?

An abusive person criticises your body, clothes, appearance and many other things and eventually wears your self esteem into the ground.

You need to step out of the 1950s. Who the he'll does he think he is?
You deserve much better.

this

What's his list of faults, when does he have to go to the step mistresses office?

Put him on a Performance Improvement Plan.

Look at this way he's done you a massive favour - you're now fit and healthy and ready to face that he's not the man you thought he was. Genuinely, you're really ready to shed him and be happy for you not for him.

I am so sorry. He doesn’t love you and you can do so much better. He is dragging you down. Harden your heart to him and make plans for a better future without him. I wish you well.

Nobody is going to have the same body at 30 that they had at 14. He needs to grow up. But you probably would also do well to experience a different relationship as this one sounds not very conducive to your happiness.

You've put all your eggs into his basket. You have no friends, no social life. He makes a very good point that you need to work outside the home . Perhaps he finds living with a hermit suffocating and dull.

It's so sad for both of you. Your youth is slipping away.

sorry but none of this is okay.
Being childhood sweethearts means nothing if it isn’t actually sweet and real.
He doesn’t want you, he wants what his perfect expectations of you are. You can’t win and you will never win, because that’s the game he’s playing.
What comes to mind is:
a.) Emotional abuse/Coercion and control
b.) ‘Negging’ you so your self esteem is so low you’d never think of leaving
c.) He’s having an affair and is building the foundations to blame you for it ‘not hot enough/not tried hard enough/gained too much or lost too much weight etc etc’

Why stay?

You're only 29. Do you really want to spend the next 50, 60, 70 years with someone who thinks it's okay to drag you down, make you feel unworthy/unloved/unloveable?

Fuck him. I'd start making plans to get him out of your life.

I've been there. My ex was a narcissist (I didn't see it until after I left). I was in pretty darn good shape, I worked FT, was going to school FT, had 2 side businesses, paid half the bills, worked out 5x a week..and he still expected the house to be cleaned, keep him satisfied, and he wanted dinner to be on the table when he got home. If it wasn't, he'd go to his mom's to eat. He gained over 100 lbs since we started to date. He wouldn't lift a finger to help around the house. He's come home from work and sit on the couch and scroll on FB or Craigslist..
And no matter what I did, he was always "if you want to get married, you have to do..xyz." I was never good enough. I didn't do enough. We had 7 horses (I had 3 out of the 7) and he wanted me to clean the stalls of his horses too..and thats where I drew the line.

I left him. You should leave to. You'll find a man who loves and appreciates you. This one does not.

I'm been married over 30 years so I absolutely realise that marriages have their ups and downs. I can say though that your husband is absolutely horrible and I'd be off. Many years ago I had a similarly carping boyfriend. I was in my twenties, had a professional job, was a size 8, was nicely dressed and was commonly considered to be very attractive. When he told me that my upper arms - my very skinny upper arms - had the sort of muscle tone found in cat food I should have left immediately. I eventually had enough of his behaviour and left Learn from my mistake and leave now. No matter how "feminine" you are or how thin you are, it will never be enough for this awful man. He seems to only excel at one thing - putting you down.

Leave him

He is so abusive. You will never satisfy him. He uses negging to keep you feeling small and inadequate, doing everything in your power to please him. He ‘never has to lift a finger’ at home? That is obscene.

All this abuse and you’re only 29.

Leave him and find yourself, then find someone better than the inadequate price of shit you’re currently married to.

I assume this isn’t real. How do you put on 100lbs at 5’2 and only 29? Unless you were severely underweight beforehand, I can’t see how that is even possible.

You’re not best friends.

A best friend wouldn’t treat you like that.

Anyone else having trouble believing this is real ? OP dump him and raise your bar, because right now it’s on the floor.

@sadfish19 the best weight I've ever lost was 200lbs, lose him, I swear it gets better, I thought I'd die when my ex left, I didn't

I had an ex a bit like this. It is abusive I think. I also think my ex was deeply unhappy himself, but put this on me, thinking it only I was better he would be happy. I was a size 8 or 10 and did loads of exercise at the time, but he was always telling me I should lose weight, get more toned. Like you I did all the cooking and cleaning, he was like a child.

Ending the relationship was hard. I was 34 when I did it and felt too old to be single. I wanted kids and worried I wouldn't find anyone else, so might have to try to have a child on my own. I also loved him. Still it is one of the best choices I ever made and it would have been awful to have had children with him. It took a while for me to recover from that relationship, but I did and now I have a wonderful DH and DC. I just say that to give a positive story.

I hope things work out really well for you OP and I am so glad you managed to lose the weight you needed, but for yourself. Your DH should not treat you as you describe. If you want to stay in the relationship I would recommend relationship counselling to have an independent party there when you discuss things.

Oh, you picked a husband at 14 and have stuck with him.

A 14 year old doesn't know any better but at 29 you should.

You had weight gain, depression, anxiety, live with criticism and control in a very small & shrunken world.

I get that you've never know any different but life doesn't have to be like this.

Have sone counselling at the very least if you aren't prepared to leave him yet.

@Crushed23 It is possible. It's about 7 stones. There are often examples of people losing 7 st (from maybe weighing 8 st.)

Also I saw something saying you're isolated and you hate people. Are you sure HE didn't isolate you and make you believe you hate people?

My ex isolated me too. He wanted me to spend time with his friends..not mine. He talked me into moving my horses onto his property, when I knew that my one gelding needed extra care.

He was a mentally and emotionally abusive POS. I have PTSD because of him. It's been 10 years and I still have nightmares, flashbacks and intrusive thoughts. You may love him (that's what makes it so hard to leave). But there are better options.