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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH has left me for a teenager

530 replies

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 11:36

Just that really. My DH of 10 years has left me for a 19 year old girl who works in the local chip shop. He’s 36 and we have 2 children aged 7 and 3. How do I even begin to pick up the pieces? What do I tell the kids? I’m beyond broken and have laid catatonic in bed since I dropped the kids off at school/nursery this morning. Have a huge job interview next week for a promotion I’ve been working so hard towards.

OP posts:
saraclara · 13/05/2025 08:02

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

Nope. His parents have given him a bollocking and told him to go home and sort himself out.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 13/05/2025 08:10

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

Oh OP do not take him back.
What's likely happened is he's told the girl who's barely even an adult that he's left you and she doesn't actually want to be with him.
Let the stupid selfish man be alone when it all comes crashing down.
And you go in and smash that interview. You can do this and even if you feel alone, you have a full thread of women here at your back for support. We all believe in you

Dadgivingup · 13/05/2025 08:44

AltitudeCheck · 13/05/2025 07:38

The age gap alone would give me a massive ick... not to mention how ridiculous he is, someone in the chippy flirts with him and he's so weak that the flattery is enough to make him destroy his family?

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family.

No chance mate, the thought of a grown man fawning over a teenager is gross!

I'd tell everyone why you've kicked him out, people will laugh at him for being so stupid. Don't make yourself a laughing stock by taking this man back for a second chance.

It's weird, but none of my business if they're both at least 16.

Dadgivingup · 13/05/2025 08:46

Elektra1 · 13/05/2025 07:54

The age gap is so gross. I’m considerably older (49) and I’m dating at the moment. Recently I had a 32 really interested. We met once and although they were lovely, afterwards I had to say sorry, I just can’t get my head around dating someone who was a newborn baby when I was in sixth form, it just doesn’t feel right.

I know people do it but I really couldn’t.

I mean, there are 17 year okds on Grindr all the time looking for guys in their 40s. If they're legal I can't judge.

ThatCyanCat · 13/05/2025 08:52

Dadgivingup · 13/05/2025 08:46

I mean, there are 17 year okds on Grindr all the time looking for guys in their 40s. If they're legal I can't judge.

Show quote history

Good username.

viques · 13/05/2025 09:03

I would also be thinking about how this would affect the relationship with his parents going forward. What sort of parents welcome their 30 something child back into the nest when he has left his wife and two kids for a teenager! They will probably find they have bitten off more than they can chew and have landed themselves with a permanent lodger if the OP refuses to take him back and the teen realised she has shacked up with an “old” man who has no spare cash, no where to live and two kids in tow.

Stay strong OP and good luck with the interview.

Dadgivingup · 13/05/2025 09:06

ThatCyanCat · 13/05/2025 08:52

Good username.

Show quote history

What do you mean?

Mumofteenandtween · 13/05/2025 09:06

ThatCyanCat · 13/05/2025 08:52

Good username.

Show quote history

Do a search on this poster. His 17 year old daughter has moved in with a 30+ sexual predator in order to get away from (violent) him and he is trying to convince himself that this is just fine and he hasn’t ruined her life at all.

AltitudeCheck · 13/05/2025 09:07

Dadgivingup · 13/05/2025 08:46

I mean, there are 17 year okds on Grindr all the time looking for guys in their 40s. If they're legal I can't judge.

Show quote history

It not the 17 year olds I'd judge!

Hankunamatata · 13/05/2025 09:19

He is a walking cliche. Be 💪 op. You have got this

Lost20211 · 13/05/2025 09:28

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

Well, that didn’t take long.

I’d just leave him on read, if I were in your shoes. By asking you that question, he wants you to make the decision. Fuck that. What a wanker.

MumsTheWordFact · 13/05/2025 09:32

While I definitely agree the man is much more to blame in this instance since he made the commitment to his wife, if this girl knows the man is married she is certainly not absolved from all blame. She has free will and knows it's wrong to persue a relationship with a married person. Let's not be sexist here.

TheFlakyPoet · 13/05/2025 09:32

I'm so sorry to read your post and all that you're going through at the moment. I'd say he's making a terrible (impulsive)mistake and will regret it in time. For now, I'd focus on your wonderful kids and job, it's amazing that you are going for a promotion. I hope you have/had the interview and smash/ed it. It sounds like a great opportunity for you.

I'd also, as a pp mentioned, tell the school in case he shows up there, and get legal advice. Has he tried to contact you to have time with the kids and help with the children/school runs etc? I'd be polite with any communications with him and keep it all civilised. Let us know how you get on, thinking of you and hoping you're managing day to day with mum and friends around you.

Mypinkchequebookholder · 13/05/2025 09:36

@User048261940582 He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family.

So OP, he wants you to do the heavy lifting while he's still all loved-up with Miss Battered Cod & Chips. Well, he can sod that for a game of soldiers.

Do not get into that stuff. Do not flatter his ego. He's made his bed, so let him lie in it.

Get your ducks in a row and stay strong.

I am sorry this has happened to you. x

ThatCyanCat · 13/05/2025 09:54

Dadgivingup · 13/05/2025 09:06

What do you mean?

Show quote history

I mean it's an apt username for someone who thinks 17 year olds frequently look for men in their 40s and that as it's just about legal, there isn't anything amiss when kids that age do that.

Like a PP, it's not the kids I'd judge.

cabbageking · 13/05/2025 09:58

Take some me time and take one day at a time.

so sorry you are hurting

Thelnebriati · 13/05/2025 10:03

He ran off with a teenager and now he's demanding you fight for him? JFC what an absolute prince, he's done you a favour.
What does 'fight for me' mean, what hoops is he demanding you jump through? What if you do a lot of 'fighting' and at the end of it he still fucks off? It could just be a way for him to him to boost his ego and humiliate you.

2JFDIYOLO · 13/05/2025 10:13

The options:

She's dumped him. He's panicked now the cold light of day is on him.

He's having a whale of a time - but realises that now he no longer has both the domestic comfort AND the sexy bit on the side, he's actually one down. Disadvantaged. So he's trying to pull back that element he's lost, and he's using emotional blackmail.

He's realised he's made a ghastly mistake, it's going to go tits up and he's trying to shmooze his way back in before he's completely alone.

He's quite happy where he is thank you - but he still wants to laugh himself sick at you doing the pick me dance for his amusement.

I can't think of anything else ...

ScoobyBooby · 13/05/2025 11:02

Wow the nerve !! He’s the one who should be fighting for his family !

Sorry this has happened OP , good luck with your interview/presentation next week , leave that loser behind and build a new life for you and your children x

Donttellempike · 13/05/2025 11:12

Dadgivingup · 13/05/2025 08:46

I mean, there are 17 year okds on Grindr all the time looking for guys in their 40s. If they're legal I can't judge.

Show quote history

It’s legal to wipe your arse on the curtains. So don’t judge

Annettecurtaintwitcher · 13/05/2025 11:43

I really hope OP didn’t take him back, he’ll only do it again 🙁

DelboytrottersDnecklace · 13/05/2025 12:05

diddl · 28/04/2025 14:26

I think that message shows him for what he is.

Next he'll be blaming the teenager & that she "made him do it"🙄

My ex left me,with two kids for a child of 14

Our relationship was more or less over (which is the difference here) but I was struggling on for the kids (then aged almost 3 and 18 months)

He showed all the signs of being a lovely family man until I fell pregnant with his ds (he only liked girls-we had a girl first then our ds,which is when he changed)

The pervert met her while she was on her way to school and would meet up with her on her way back home

He left me for her (while telling me to do the pick me dance in exactly the same way ops husband did) i refused and of course he got her pregnant

I rang the police (who did nothing) and moved on-which he didn't like and blamed me for our break-up,'she got herself pregnant,shes to blame,not me' (applied to both of us) and 'the 14 year old 'trapped' me into shagging her and breaking up or family but delboy is equally to blame for not having me back'

Almost 30 years on,this is the story he still tells himself while everyone with a brain cell sees him for what he actually is

(there are some people who lay the blame squarely at our feet but they are either his family or his pervert friends so I just brush them off)

His mental gymnastics have to be heard to be believed

commonsense61 · 13/05/2025 12:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

DelboytrottersDnecklace · 13/05/2025 12:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Nope,but they did 'get' him for low level drug dealing

(Part of a gang and he was at the bottom of the pile-taking orders and handing over the drugs)

This was in 1999/2000 so I'm not sure if things have changed since

He blamed me for that too-if I hadn't demanded so much csa,that he claimed he was paying,he wouldn't have done it

Truth is,he never paid a penny-they once rang him and he laughed at them before hanging up

They gave up chasing him after that

thepariscrimefiles · 13/05/2025 12:18

DelboytrottersDnecklace · 13/05/2025 12:05

My ex left me,with two kids for a child of 14

Our relationship was more or less over (which is the difference here) but I was struggling on for the kids (then aged almost 3 and 18 months)

He showed all the signs of being a lovely family man until I fell pregnant with his ds (he only liked girls-we had a girl first then our ds,which is when he changed)

The pervert met her while she was on her way to school and would meet up with her on her way back home

He left me for her (while telling me to do the pick me dance in exactly the same way ops husband did) i refused and of course he got her pregnant

I rang the police (who did nothing) and moved on-which he didn't like and blamed me for our break-up,'she got herself pregnant,shes to blame,not me' (applied to both of us) and 'the 14 year old 'trapped' me into shagging her and breaking up or family but delboy is equally to blame for not having me back'

Almost 30 years on,this is the story he still tells himself while everyone with a brain cell sees him for what he actually is

(there are some people who lay the blame squarely at our feet but they are either his family or his pervert friends so I just brush them off)

His mental gymnastics have to be heard to be believed

Show quote history

That is absolutely shocking. I would have put in a complaint about the police's response to your husband having sex and impregnating a 14 year old child but it may not have been as easy to do this 30 years ago. He should be in prison and on the sex offenders' register for this.