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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH has left me for a teenager

530 replies

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 11:36

Just that really. My DH of 10 years has left me for a 19 year old girl who works in the local chip shop. He’s 36 and we have 2 children aged 7 and 3. How do I even begin to pick up the pieces? What do I tell the kids? I’m beyond broken and have laid catatonic in bed since I dropped the kids off at school/nursery this morning. Have a huge job interview next week for a promotion I’ve been working so hard towards.

OP posts:
justkeepswimingswiming · 29/04/2025 07:36

I wouldn’t feel comfortable allowing him around the kids, I know 19 is legal age but she’s still a kid! Grim.

YourFunnyTiger · 29/04/2025 07:46

Yeah I can't imagine he's found the love of his life with her. She's gonna want to be living it up and have fun. Can't do that with an almost 40 year old with 2 kids.
Ignore him,he's seeing if he has the option to come back if it all goes tit's up, if it hasn't already.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 29/04/2025 07:48

YourFunnyTiger · 29/04/2025 07:46

Yeah I can't imagine he's found the love of his life with her. She's gonna want to be living it up and have fun. Can't do that with an almost 40 year old with 2 kids.
Ignore him,he's seeing if he has the option to come back if it all goes tit's up, if it hasn't already.

Yep, going back to ‘his’ to be greeted by his mum and dad.
Weekends running around after toddlers.
Not a chance.

GoodCharl · 29/04/2025 07:59

How are you feeling today op @User048261940582

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 29/04/2025 08:05

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

So he’s blown up your life together and now he’s basically asking if you love him enough to fight for him ? What a piece of shit. He’s now realising the reality of what he’s done and the regret is for the comfortable life he had before he did it. If he were truly sorry, he would be the one ‘fighting’ for you and his family.

What you say is that now he’s shown you exactly who he is and how little he values his family, no, you don’t love him enough to ‘fight’ for him and that you no longer consider him in any way part of your family. Get your ducks in a row, see a good solicitor and teach him that actions have consequences.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 29/04/2025 08:12

Dadgivingup · 29/04/2025 02:43

They're both 16+.

Legal doesn’t mean it’s not also morally bankrupt.

Mischance · 29/04/2025 08:13

I feel very sorry for you and for this young lass who is probably like a rabbit in the headlights now he has left you. He is busy buggering up 2 women's lives + the children. What a foolish man.

Pawse · 29/04/2025 08:16

Hahaha I'm guessing she doesn't want him!!

The flirting and secrecy (and maybe even sex) was all fun and games to the 19 year old ... until he left you!!

I suspect this was not part of her plan, she just wanted fun! So she's called an end to it, hence why he's asking you if you'll fight for your family.

He's fucked up.

Please OP don't take him back. Better you know now what he is, than 10 years down the line.

sashh · 29/04/2025 08:26

Don't answer the texts.

Talk to your bank, if you have a joint account ask them to freeze it or what the equivalent is now.

Ace that interview, you deserve it.

Apply for UC.

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 29/04/2025 08:26

"Fight for your family"? This man.... he thinks... he... is some kind of prize... you would want to fight for?

I'm sorry OP it's absolutely awful but I hope one day you will be able to look back and see how funny this particular aspect of it is.

EdithBond · 29/04/2025 08:30

Really feel for you OP.

I know it’s hard but try to put everything out of your mind until after your interview. Laser focus on that. Tell yourself several times a day how good you are at the job. How clever you are. How loyal. How attractive. Keep telling yourself. Out loud. Believe me, it really does work.

Your goal now is building your own, financially independent life, where you have a great career, whatever happens. Tell your DH you’re blocking him for a week while you take some time. That way, he won’t distract you while your focus on the interview. And don’t put too much pressure on yourself about the job. Focus on doing your best. Thinking about what they’re looking for and showing you have that. That’s the best you can do. If you don’t get this job, it’s a practice run for the next one. But I bet you will get it.

As for your DH, how do you feel about him? Do you want to stay with him and keep the family together. Is he usually a good partner to you? Only you know how much you want to save your marriage. Only you know if you could ever trust him again.

But whatever happens, he’s the one who’d have to fight to save it. Not you. He’s betrayed your trust. He’s had a very inappropriate relationship with a teenager. He’s left his kids. He humiliated you. If you did decide to stay with him, he has a lot of hard work ahead to get his shit together, make it up to you and rebuild trust.

If you decide you don’t want to save the relationship, you’ll be fine. But see a solicitor as soon as you can to get ahead of your DH in the divorce.

You’ve got this. You’re strong and fabulous 💐

Bogeyes · 29/04/2025 08:39

It won't last...what a tit!

ranchdressing · 29/04/2025 08:50

Been there.

You WILL be happier.

Don't worry about your financial situation right now. It's not something you can figure out in a week.

Let him go. Don't look back. Get the job. Move forward, and realise how shit he was anyway.

Being a self sufficient successful woman is so much more fun and fulfilling than being a wife to a crap man.

ranchdressing · 29/04/2025 08:52

Make 'getting over it' your full time job. Structure your days so there's no time for wallowing or bad decisions. Meditation, reading, distractions, doing healthy things for yourself (whether that's a walk, a nourishing meal, a chat with a friend). One day you'll wake up and you won't cry that day. And then soon after you'll wake up and not feel sad. Keep going and eventually you will be really really happy again. Promise.

BruhWhy · 29/04/2025 09:10

How utterly repulsive. Doesn't feel like it now but you're well shot.

Be prepared for a sudden grovelling act when his parents, friends and family find out what he's done and he's read the riot act.

I would never be able to look my DH in the eye again after finding out he slept with (they obviously have, they all deny it) a literal teenager.

Please look after yourself and stay strong. If you take him back, you will always feel humiliated.

Shoxfordian · 29/04/2025 09:20

I hope you've told him that you don't love him and he can forget any ideas he has of coming back to you.
What a dick

beAsensible1 · 29/04/2025 10:29

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

do not respond.

he is rank and wether anything has "happened" or not (which i'm sceptical about) he is engaging romantically with a teenager.

Ignore until your interview is sorted at least and get yourself on an even keel.

MerlinsBeard1 · 29/04/2025 10:32

It won't last. No 19 year old girl wants to play step mummy to small children. She also has the morals of an alley cat so I suspect she will drop your DH like a hot potato when a better offer comes up. Sorry this has happened to you.

What a cunt.

RareLemur · 29/04/2025 10:44

Regarding his message, he probably wants you and the other woman to engage in the "pick me" dance. If you have to respond, I would respond that you are in shock and need time to process what has happened.
Meanwhile concentrate on you, the kids, your interview and getting advice from a solicitor about the divorce.

Fraaances · 29/04/2025 11:17

Oh god, I’d be so tempted to write back “Fight for my marriage? No way! I’m far too embarrassed to want anything to do with such a sad, old, cliche.”

SetinTime · 29/04/2025 11:42

Ohhhh so you should be the one "fighting for your family" when he was the one gallivanting with a 19 year old? Men are so funny sometimes 😂

TinyCottageGirl · 29/04/2025 11:49

What a disgusting man - sounds like a lucky escape for you! I am so so rooting for you, the first few months will be tough and I bet he will come back begging for forgiveness. Be strong.
You will smash this job interview!
Contact services for universal credit and explain your situation, how much your mortgage is etc. Will he try and buy you out of the house?

HeidioftheAlps · 29/04/2025 11:56

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

That's an infuriating thing for him to say.

Nadal1966 · 29/04/2025 11:57

This reply has been withdrawn

We have taken this down so the OP can start their own thread.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 29/04/2025 12:09

What am I fighting for? A paedophile?

(I know technically not but may make him realise how creepy it looks)