Page 19 | DH has left me for a teenager

Widowerwouldyou · 30/04/2025 12:25

Think of how impressionable teenagers are! Lots of them are flattered by older men with a car etc taking an interest. The grooming gangs are using his technique very successfully (for them 😡)

Goldbar · 30/04/2025 13:31

CruCru · 29/04/2025 14:49

Honestly? If this was my daughter, I would be extremely angry with the person who contacted me. It wouldn’t be my or my daughter’s responsibility to keep someone else’s marriage going.

I would recommend that my daughter have nothing to do with him - mainly because he doesn’t have a lot going for him. But I would consider him his wife’s problem and say so.

Why is it that when men do stupid bloody things that it becomes the responsibility of a woman?

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So would I. The 19yo doesn't need to be "shamed" and has no responsibility for this man's behaviour. If someone wanted to "shame" my teenage daughter because of a man's poor behaviour, I'd be very angry. If there was actually something going on, I'd consider it unwise and a mistake on my DD's part but shame wouldn't come into it.

But neither is this man his wife's problem, beyond leaving her in a situation where he's behaved so badly that's essentially the relationship gone and him hopefully binned off. Neither woman is responsible for his behaviour.

CruCru · 30/04/2025 14:41

Goldbar · 30/04/2025 13:31

So would I. The 19yo doesn't need to be "shamed" and has no responsibility for this man's behaviour. If someone wanted to "shame" my teenage daughter because of a man's poor behaviour, I'd be very angry. If there was actually something going on, I'd consider it unwise and a mistake on my DD's part but shame wouldn't come into it.

But neither is this man his wife's problem, beyond leaving her in a situation where he's behaved so badly that's essentially the relationship gone and him hopefully binned off. Neither woman is responsible for his behaviour.

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Ah, in this scenario I was considering my response if his wife contacted me to tell me to stop my daughter having a relationship with her husband. The wife is not responsible for her husband but she is the one married to him - it is up to her to decide whether she wants to end her marriage.

historyrepeatz · 30/04/2025 14:52

Why not just label her a witch who seduced him and say he possibly help himself after that? The 19year old is not a home wrecker. That’s the 36 year old husband and father.

GrumpyInsomniac · 30/04/2025 15:33

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

“The one who should have been fighting for our family was you, when instead you were starting a relationship with a teenager. My fighting has been showing up for you and our kids every day of our marriage. I am not about to beg you to come back after the contempt you have shown for the life we’ve built. There will be no dramatic attempt to show you what you’re missing and coax you back home, because if that mattered to you we would not be where we are now.”

He’s such a cliche. What does he want? Handbags at dawn?

OchreRaven · 10/05/2025 21:04

How are you holding up @User048261940582?

HeidioftheAlps · 11/05/2025 12:11

GrumpyInsomniac · 30/04/2025 15:33

“The one who should have been fighting for our family was you, when instead you were starting a relationship with a teenager. My fighting has been showing up for you and our kids every day of our marriage. I am not about to beg you to come back after the contempt you have shown for the life we’ve built. There will be no dramatic attempt to show you what you’re missing and coax you back home, because if that mattered to you we would not be where we are now.”

He’s such a cliche. What does he want? Handbags at dawn?

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Good response.

ClareBlue · 13/05/2025 01:50

Is his name Gordon?

Mothership4two · 13/05/2025 02:59

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/04/2025 12:08

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love

Well that won't be true. He's just trying to assuage his guilt, and make it sound better.

Of course they've slept together.

I'm so sorry @User048261940582 what a complete bastard.

What do his mother and father think?

Of course they've slept together

^^this with bells on

Mothership4two · 13/05/2025 03:02

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that?

Fuck off?

He didn't fight for his family did he? Or you

MsAmerica · 13/05/2025 03:16

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 11:36

Just that really. My DH of 10 years has left me for a 19 year old girl who works in the local chip shop. He’s 36 and we have 2 children aged 7 and 3. How do I even begin to pick up the pieces? What do I tell the kids? I’m beyond broken and have laid catatonic in bed since I dropped the kids off at school/nursery this morning. Have a huge job interview next week for a promotion I’ve been working so hard towards.

I'm so sorry, @User048261940582. That's so awful. But, oddly, your post suddenly has me wondering why society always expects the mother to tell the children; perhaps we should force that task on the father.
Have you talked to his parents? So glad that you have family of your own nearby.

Muffinmam · 13/05/2025 03:24

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

The 19 year old isn’t interested in him now she’s found out he had a wife and little kids so he’s trying to go back to you.

user1492757084 · 13/05/2025 03:34

Ask husband to leave. He is nuts. Give him the choice of halting the new relationship, seeking counselling and contacting you again in a month. It could be a fleeting crush.

It must be unbearable.

Gather help around and don't tell the kids until your job interview is over and husband is sorting where he sits.

Get all your ducks in a row and decide your move after you know about your job.
I hope you nail the interview and start life afresh.

MixedBananas · 13/05/2025 04:12

alcoholnightmare · 28/04/2025 11:50

You will get UC. Make sure you apply for CMS and child benefit too. UC takes 5 weeks to pay out, but it really tops up your wages.

What a silly wanker he is.

How do you qualify for UC with 25k a year income? I thought the threshold was 16k

LoudSnoringDog · 13/05/2025 05:29

WHAT????

thepariscrimefiles · 13/05/2025 06:12

MixedBananas · 13/05/2025 04:12

How do you qualify for UC with 25k a year income? I thought the threshold was 16k

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The £16,000 threshold is for savings, not income.

Cakencookieobsessed · 13/05/2025 06:26

thepariscrimefiles · 13/05/2025 06:12

The £16,000 threshold is for savings, not income.

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Yes and depends on if you have any dependents living with you.

jasminocereusbritannicus · 13/05/2025 06:31

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

Pretty much what my ex-husband of 27 years told me.
I couldn’t ever have trusted him again, the damage was done. That was 7 years ago… I am now married to a man who really cares for me.
It hurts like hell, but just be resolute. He made this situation, not you. Concentrate on yourself and your children, oh and getting that new job! Good Luck!

Hollietree · 13/05/2025 06:56

How are you doing @User048261940582 I hope you did well in the job interview 🙏🏼

s3tut0y3r · 13/05/2025 06:57

Good luck with the work thing.
Make sure you have applied for child support.
Try citizens Advice bureau to get a general idea of where you stand before approaching a solicitor. I went to a solicitor when my husband left me and got bad advice re division of assets. What is their advice about changing locks? I was freaked out that my ex who now seemed like a stranger to me could appear at any time. Also you might like to tell your childs' school. With such erratic behaviour he might turn up and take your child. This might be what he means by fight for the family. I would leave children with grandparents for a sleepover at the weekend and put all his stuff in bin liners and then contact his parents and ask them to collect it. I wouldn't bother communicating with him other than through a solicitor.

PiriPiriMenopause · 13/05/2025 07:01

Gosh, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted someone to absolutely smash a job interview before! Good luck with it. I really do hope you manage to get it and this helps boost you in the right direction.

your husband is actually revolting specimen. This really isn’t the child’s fault, at 19 she’s probably flattered by whatever attention he’s giving her and most likely doesn’t have a father of her own at home or is estranged. There’s also a chance of course, that she has no idea about you and your kids.

let him fall on his face and try to be strong if he attempts to worm his way back into saving a marriage where he’s just really just shown how much of a despicable human he is. Protect yourself and your kids and if he gets nasty or threatens you or even plays mind games at all, tell him you’re going to have the police check his hard drive, because he clearly likes them young.

Theseventhmagpie · 13/05/2025 07:33

StMarie4me · 28/04/2025 11:42

You’re in shock atm. But he has shown you who he really is now OP. I am so sorry you’re going through this.

Find your fight.
Use this to rock that Interview!
What is your living situation? Mortgage? Rented?
Tell the kids as it is. Or tell him to tell them. (But if you tell them you can be sure of what’s said).
Speak to a solicitor for immediate advice.
Apply for UC online.
Practical will serve you best.

Great advice. Get angry!

AltitudeCheck · 13/05/2025 07:38

The age gap alone would give me a massive ick... not to mention how ridiculous he is, someone in the chippy flirts with him and he's so weak that the flattery is enough to make him destroy his family?

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family.

No chance mate, the thought of a grown man fawning over a teenager is gross!

I'd tell everyone why you've kicked him out, people will laugh at him for being so stupid. Don't make yourself a laughing stock by taking this man back for a second chance.

Elektra1 · 13/05/2025 07:54

The age gap is so gross. I’m considerably older (49) and I’m dating at the moment. Recently I had a 32 really interested. We met once and although they were lovely, afterwards I had to say sorry, I just can’t get my head around dating someone who was a newborn baby when I was in sixth form, it just doesn’t feel right.

I know people do it but I really couldn’t.

Hdjdb42 · 13/05/2025 08:01

OP how are you? I've been thinking of you and how you're doing.