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Original poster

Life done @37

128 replies

Kerrmck73 · 16/04/2025 00:14

I met my husband when I was 17, he was 32. Ok get the judgement out the way. I love him, he loves me. It works. We've been together 20 years, married 8. We have the best time, he's my best friend. We laugh and have fun constantly. But. I'm 37, he's now 52. I've not had kids. Not because of him, he'd have kids tomorrow, I wanted a career, that took me 10 years to get exams, degrees, qualifications and most importantly a decent wage so I'm financially secure. Now I feel I've cocked up. I feel I've missed the boat. How can I have kids now? Probably still feasible for me, regular periods, bang on every month but an old dad? Kids lucky to make it to their 20th birthday with both parents. I've fcked up. I'm at loss. I'm heartbroken. I should have listened to my parents. My life feels over and my future feels lonely

OP posts:
Original poster
Kerrmck73 · 16/04/2025 00:16

Should probably note my husband nearly died 2 years ago, not an age thing before anyone pipes up, dangerously low sodium, unknown cause, 2 months in an induced coma. Makes you realise how scary and lonely life can be

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Userfriendly20 · 16/04/2025 00:18

I think you are totally overreacting.

52 isn’t very old on the grand scheme of things.

if you want one and he wants one…do it. You are 37. Not 47.

Get on it.

SnowFrogJelly · 16/04/2025 00:18

Someone I know recently became a first time dad at 65…

Ohthatsabitshit · 16/04/2025 00:18

I’d have them anyway.

MovingAlongNicely · 16/04/2025 00:20

Nothing is guaranteed in this life. He could end up outliving you by years 🤷‍♀️

I’d go for it.

Sunflowers67 · 16/04/2025 00:22

Sounds perfect to me - but then what do I know.
Older parents are supposedly more patient, have more wisdom and experience to pass on so age would not stop me.
You have achieved what you wanted to career wise? You have a stable and loving relationship? Financially secure or as good as can be? A partner that is willing, ready and able?
When is the 'right' time to have little ones? Hardly ever if we really thought about it.

I'd go for it and start making them tomorrow 😉

Apollonia1 · 16/04/2025 00:22

I had twins at 47. My parents had me in their 40s and are still alive and well in their mid-90s.
I don’t think your husband is too old, especially since you’re only in your 30s.

mmmarmalade · 16/04/2025 00:23

Something doesn't seem to add up here. In your first podt you write as though your 52yo husband is shiver and you are contemplating having kids... then in your second post you say he died 2 years ago - can you just explain more clearly - do you have kids now?

Original poster
Kerrmck73 · 16/04/2025 00:24

Wow, did not expect replies so quick! And all 3 singing from the same hymn sheet. Maybe I'm overthinking things. I know worst case scenario I could financially survive alone and I know i have everything to give to a child. I think I'm quite brainwashed, my parents have a VERY traditional marriage, pink/blue jobs if you will, 3 kids by 30, housewife, husband out working, semi detached house in the "suburbs" I feel a failure yet I'm flying in my career and have the best marriage. I just don't want to be cruel having a child who'll get mocked in the playground for having an old dad ( I should say old on paper, not in living).

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MovingAlongNicely · 16/04/2025 00:24

mmmarmalade · 16/04/2025 00:23

Something doesn't seem to add up here. In your first podt you write as though your 52yo husband is shiver and you are contemplating having kids... then in your second post you say he died 2 years ago - can you just explain more clearly - do you have kids now?

You had a few this evening?

Original poster
Kerrmck73 · 16/04/2025 00:25

mmmarmalade · 16/04/2025 00:23

Something doesn't seem to add up here. In your first podt you write as though your 52yo husband is shiver and you are contemplating having kids... then in your second post you say he died 2 years ago - can you just explain more clearly - do you have kids now?

Nearly died. He was rushed into hospital due to life threatening low sodium levels, they put him in a coma for 2 months. He's fine now. One of his lungs is screwed but day to day, he's fine

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PermanentTemporary · 16/04/2025 00:27

Of course you can try to have a child. 37 isn't young for kids but you're very likely to be able to conceive.

I'd be more worried that you're feeling as if life has crashed around you, for apparently no very good reason. Has somethingelse happened. Tbh if I said the sort of thing you've written here my dp would quietly assume I was premenstrual as everything seems much worse at that time.

If you both want a child then why not go to bed and see what happens. flowers

ThisChic · 16/04/2025 00:27

Userfriendly20 · 16/04/2025 00:18

I think you are totally overreacting.

52 isn’t very old on the grand scheme of things.

if you want one and he wants one…do it. You are 37. Not 47.

Get on it.

This! Most people live to 80 or older in the UK too, so it's likely that the kids would get to 20 with both their parents alive.

37 isn't that old either. Still highly possible you'll get pregnant naturally, or failing that there is always IVF.

Original poster
Kerrmck73 · 16/04/2025 00:28

Honestly not being dramatic. I'm blown away by your replies. I expected so much judgement. I should have done a post months ago. Thank you. Maybe the world is a more tolerant place than I though 🥰

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lavendarwillow · 16/04/2025 00:29

Sometimes we think too much and our thoughts get the better of us. What will be, will be. There is nothing to stop you trying. There are plenty of older dads out there.

Original poster
Kerrmck73 · 16/04/2025 00:31

PermanentTemporary · 16/04/2025 00:27

Of course you can try to have a child. 37 isn't young for kids but you're very likely to be able to conceive.

I'd be more worried that you're feeling as if life has crashed around you, for apparently no very good reason. Has somethingelse happened. Tbh if I said the sort of thing you've written here my dp would quietly assume I was premenstrual as everything seems much worse at that time.

If you both want a child then why not go to bed and see what happens. flowers

Nothing else going on. Just felt every other aspect in my life is 99% perfect but I'd missed the boat having kids. Maybe not physically but emotionally/mentally. Or more likely, I worry too much about other people's opinions tbh xx

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PermanentTemporary · 16/04/2025 00:32

Maybe you're only now coming to terms with nearly losing your husband so young (I'm 56 so 50 is definitely young to me!) That must have been a terrible shock, a long time in a coma like that is terrifying. I see why you are thinking about a baby now, and imo it's a great idea.

Original poster
Kerrmck73 · 16/04/2025 00:34

lavendarwillow · 16/04/2025 00:29

Sometimes we think too much and our thoughts get the better of us. What will be, will be. There is nothing to stop you trying. There are plenty of older dads out there.

This. This is me.

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Original poster
Kerrmck73 · 16/04/2025 00:36

PermanentTemporary · 16/04/2025 00:32

Maybe you're only now coming to terms with nearly losing your husband so young (I'm 56 so 50 is definitely young to me!) That must have been a terrible shock, a long time in a coma like that is terrifying. I see why you are thinking about a baby now, and imo it's a great idea.

It was a lot. And I do think you're right. He was asleep (I don't like the "in a coma" phrase so say he was asleep) he's fine, ignorant to it all, I'm more traumatised than him and probably need some therapy/counselling but that's a whole other post 😅) thank you for your kind words though xx

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Redglitter · 16/04/2025 00:41

Kids lucky to make it to their 20th birthday with both parents

I think that's an exaggeration. If you had a baby next year he'd only be 73 when they're 20. That's not old at all. There's no reason a baby born next year wouldn't have him around until they were in their mid 30s or even 40.

He could live til he's 100. You could get hit by a bus in a couple of years.

If its what you both want. Go for it

MMmomDD · 16/04/2025 00:42

I had my kids in the age you are now. As do many women who do career first.
Nobody at the playground would be making fun of the kid with older dad. It’s not a thing.
Plenty of older dads around anyway - when men leave for W#2.

That said - i have a 17yo DD. Cant imagine her with a 32yo… but that is beside the point.

Original poster
Kerrmck73 · 16/04/2025 00:47

MMmomDD · 16/04/2025 00:42

I had my kids in the age you are now. As do many women who do career first.
Nobody at the playground would be making fun of the kid with older dad. It’s not a thing.
Plenty of older dads around anyway - when men leave for W#2.

That said - i have a 17yo DD. Cant imagine her with a 32yo… but that is beside the point.

Thank you. And I'll be honest, it wasn't my choice/dream. I didn't go looking for it. In all honestly, where i live there's a "tunnel bus" that runs from Liverpool to where i live and that's where we met. He looked younger, I looked older. I never went out looking for an older man. We met a week later after exchanging numbers and never looked back. My parents were furious. But I don't know, we just clicked, he's literally my best friend and when people say age is only a number, I genuinely believe with us it's true. It was not something I looked for and if I am lucky enough to ever be a parent I'd probably feel the same as you but it just works for some unknown illogical reason xx

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mmmarmalade · 16/04/2025 00:51

@MovingAlongNicely no... just a bit tired I think.

@Kerrmck73 thanks for the clarification... which wasn't needed if It's read every word you wrote.

Well you've been together happily it seems for ~20 years and (smartly!) invested in your career - give yourself some credit. Life changes, priorities change and I have often thought it's nigh on impossible to fit everything you would like to into one short life - I'm sure most people get to middle age (whatever that is currently) and think about having made different decisions - different career path, different relationship, following your passions, following your heart instead of your head - I could have been a penniless artist if I'd have played my cards differently!

A lot happens in life after 37 - what have you got to lose? Try if that's what you both want and are committed to. Having kids at any age or stage of life is hard imho - without doubt the most rewarding thing I ever did but I count myself lucky.

HundredPercentUnsure · 16/04/2025 00:52

SnowFrogJelly · 16/04/2025 00:18

Someone I know recently became a first time dad at 65…

A family member of mine did too, albeit not recently! With a 30-something girlfriend, at the time. Kids are now early teens and he's well in his 70s.

Original poster
Kerrmck73 · 16/04/2025 00:57

HundredPercentUnsure · 16/04/2025 00:52

A family member of mine did too, albeit not recently! With a 30-something girlfriend, at the time. Kids are now early teens and he's well in his 70s.

Show quote history

I think I'm just a worry wart. My parents are so judgemental and I worry everyone is the same. The more I reply, the more I think that is the real issue

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