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Original poster

Life done @37

128 replies

Kerrmck73 · 16/04/2025 00:14

I met my husband when I was 17, he was 32. Ok get the judgement out the way. I love him, he loves me. It works. We've been together 20 years, married 8. We have the best time, he's my best friend. We laugh and have fun constantly. But. I'm 37, he's now 52. I've not had kids. Not because of him, he'd have kids tomorrow, I wanted a career, that took me 10 years to get exams, degrees, qualifications and most importantly a decent wage so I'm financially secure. Now I feel I've cocked up. I feel I've missed the boat. How can I have kids now? Probably still feasible for me, regular periods, bang on every month but an old dad? Kids lucky to make it to their 20th birthday with both parents. I've fcked up. I'm at loss. I'm heartbroken. I should have listened to my parents. My life feels over and my future feels lonely

OP posts:
Squirrelsnut · 16/04/2025 10:04

I got pregnant at 36 the first month, no problems.
I also had an older dad (40s) - he's still alive and I'm in my 50s!!

Bellaire85 · 16/04/2025 10:10

Get off the birth control, stop thinking about it, and what will be will be! 😊

That’s my outlook, anyways!

BlondeMummyto1 · 16/04/2025 10:16

Some posters don’t even think about having a baby until they are 40 so 37 is the perfect time but….
Him being 52 would be the problem for me. It might be OK for a couple of years but what about the future?

BlondeMummyto1 · 16/04/2025 10:26

I can’t get over how many people think 52 is perfectly fine to have a baby. When a women is even mid 40s she’s told not to be so ridiculous when she wants a baby, she’s far too old, blah blah blah.

towelonfloor · 16/04/2025 10:34

@BlondeMummyto1 That is what I said, the responses are normally polar opposite.

GetMeOutOfMeta · 16/04/2025 10:36

Just get on and do it. You can spend another 4 years thinking of everything that could go wrong and waste more time or do it and make plans to counter them. my parents were 40 when they had me. One still alive and I've gone past 40. You are spiralling into anxiety about it I think.

GetMeOutOfMeta · 16/04/2025 10:37

There is research that shows older male's sperm may increase risk of SEND.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 16/04/2025 10:39

If you were both in your 50s then obviously it would be an issue, but I'd say 37 is quite average these days! I had my daughter at 40, for example. Your kid(s) might be teased for having an older dad, but they could be teased for anything.

Snoken · 16/04/2025 10:40

BlondeMummyto1 · 16/04/2025 10:26

I can’t get over how many people think 52 is perfectly fine to have a baby. When a women is even mid 40s she’s told not to be so ridiculous when she wants a baby, she’s far too old, blah blah blah.

I agree with you. I mean there is a biological factor of course but even so, being in your 70s with a teenager isn't great for anyone. Luckily OP is a lot younger in this case.

H7529 · 16/04/2025 10:43

You are 37. Yes he’s an older dad, but where I live you wouldn’t even be considered an older mum. I just had my first at 41. You’re happy in your relationship, just enjoy your time and start a family if that’s what you want.

SplodgePocket · 16/04/2025 10:49

Should probably note my husband nearly died 2 years ago, not an age thing before anyone pipes up

He would have been 50 two years ago, correct? So why on earth would anyone think it was an age thing? He’s only middle aged!

I think you have a far bigger chip on your shoulder than anyone else about the age gap.

Discobooloo · 16/04/2025 10:56

Get on the bedroom and update us all in 2026!

Angrygirl · 16/04/2025 11:03

GetMeOutOfMeta · 16/04/2025 10:37

There is research that shows older male's sperm may increase risk of SEND.

And the huge risk of the child growing up to develop schizophrenia amongst older dads is terrifying.

Your partner is too old, don't do it. You have waited too long. It's really not fair on the child.

Chances are they'll spend their teens or twenties either grieving their dad or caring for him in his old age. Hopefully with your support assuming you and your DP stay together. But it sounds like they'll probably be an only child so won't have a group of siblings to support one another or share the load.

Don't put that on a child.

Having children hasn't been a high priority of yours anyways as you're only thinking about this 20 years in. If you were 37 and had been looking for someone for years to have children with and now found a 52 year old partner that would be a slightly different dilemma.

superplumb · 16/04/2025 11:05

Kerrmck73 · 16/04/2025 00:24

Wow, did not expect replies so quick! And all 3 singing from the same hymn sheet. Maybe I'm overthinking things. I know worst case scenario I could financially survive alone and I know i have everything to give to a child. I think I'm quite brainwashed, my parents have a VERY traditional marriage, pink/blue jobs if you will, 3 kids by 30, housewife, husband out working, semi detached house in the "suburbs" I feel a failure yet I'm flying in my career and have the best marriage. I just don't want to be cruel having a child who'll get mocked in the playground for having an old dad ( I should say old on paper, not in living).

I had my 1st at 35 and 2nd at 37. Crack on but hurry up us my advice

MeAndMyCatCharlotte · 16/04/2025 11:11

Go for it, if it's what you want. I met a 51 year old new mum recently. What other people think is irrelevant but I strongly suspect that most people would think it was lovely and be happy for you both.

Missj25 · 16/04/2025 11:20

Kerrmck73 · 16/04/2025 00:16

Should probably note my husband nearly died 2 years ago, not an age thing before anyone pipes up, dangerously low sodium, unknown cause, 2 months in an induced coma. Makes you realise how scary and lonely life can be

Hey OP 👋
Firstly I have to laugh where you say not an age related thing 😂
The man is 52 , not 72 ! !
Regarding what you are posting about , being too old at 37 to have a baby , not too old at all my friend !!!
And Your husband isn’t too old either 😊
Stop overthinking ! My daughter is 14 , I’m 50 in November 😊..
So off you pop , enjoy the baby making ☺️
And best of luck 🙌

W0tnow · 16/04/2025 11:24

You’d be lucky to get pregnant with no issues at your age. Plenty of women do (I did), but it’s still ’older’ in the grand scheme of things. I’d get cracking.

FeistyFrankie · 16/04/2025 11:26

Male fertility declines with age and studies have linked older sperm with an increased likelihood of miscarriage or abnormalities developing. Not saying this will happen though!! But it's something to be mindful of.

Get conceiving and if if it isn't working out look into a sperm donor as an alternative?

Haemagoblin · 16/04/2025 11:49

BlondeMummyto1 · 16/04/2025 10:26

I can’t get over how many people think 52 is perfectly fine to have a baby. When a women is even mid 40s she’s told not to be so ridiculous when she wants a baby, she’s far too old, blah blah blah.

That's because the woman has to actually go through the physical effort of carrying and birthing. Even a very old man can still just about bash one out of needed :P Look at Al Pacino.

I do think OP needs to bear in mind given his age a lot of the hard work will fall to her; but to be fair that isn't unusual in hetero pairings even when the man is the same age/younger! I wouldn't miss out on having a child for that reason.

CarryOnRewardless · 16/04/2025 16:39

My cousin had a baby when she was 42. Go for it I say! :)

WinterFoxes · 16/04/2025 16:56

You are fine. Have kids. I had my last at 40. DH is older than me. They don't keel over at 72. What gave you that idea? DFiL is 96 and still driving, better at tech stuff than I am.

Angrygirl · 16/04/2025 17:22

WinterFoxes · 16/04/2025 16:56

You are fine. Have kids. I had my last at 40. DH is older than me. They don't keel over at 72. What gave you that idea? DFiL is 96 and still driving, better at tech stuff than I am.

Maybe the much higher proportion of people who die at 72 vs. those who are fit and driving around at 96...

DastardlyPigeon · 16/04/2025 19:10

BlondeMummyto1 · 16/04/2025 10:26

I can’t get over how many people think 52 is perfectly fine to have a baby. When a women is even mid 40s she’s told not to be so ridiculous when she wants a baby, she’s far too old, blah blah blah.

Yep. At least once a month there's a thread about a mum wanting to have a baby at 42 (it's always 42) and a pile on telling her she'll be an embarrassment to the child throughout its life and not be able to cope with a toddler/teenager when she's menopausal. Or she'll die when it's young.

But a man of 50/60 having a baby - it's wonderful, no problem.

SavageTomato · 16/04/2025 20:54

Please think about the risks of an older dad here. Down syndrome and many other conditions are more likely the older dad is. Sorry, but that is a solid fact. Sperm is like a photocopy, the longer it gets copied, the more shit the copy is. Hence greater risk.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 16/04/2025 21:09

I don’t see any problem with your ages at all! Just go for it. Who cares what anyone else thinks?