Life done @37

[Kerrmck73]

I met my husband when I was 17, he was 32. Ok get the judgement out the way. I love him, he loves me. It works. We've been together 20 years, married 8. We have the best time, he's my best friend. We laugh and have fun constantly. But. I'm 37, he's now 52. I've not had kids. Not because of him, he'd have kids tomorrow, I wanted a career, that took me 10 years to get exams, degrees, qualifications and most importantly a decent wage so I'm financially secure. Now I feel I've cocked up. I feel I've missed the boat. How can I have kids now? Probably still feasible for me, regular periods, bang on every month but an old dad? Kids lucky to make it to their 20th birthday with both parents. I've fcked up. I'm at loss. I'm heartbroken. I should have listened to my parents. My life feels over and my future feels lonely

Who cares if people are judgemental? It’s your life, and you’re not harming anyone. I hope you do have children and make a very happy family.

I've just had my fourth at just gone 39, my husband is 10 years older. It was my easiest pregnancy. My other 3 I had 3 miscarriages before they stuck. This time did take us 18 months trying but no miscarriages. Our son is beautiful and perfectly healthy. Nothing is guaranteed but just start trying now and you know you've tried.

Agree with the others OP. Crack on.

And screw judgement (sorry about your awful parents on this). It's your life.

I also agree just get on with it ASAP and have a baby if you both want one - still very feasible at 37, yes he will be a slightly older dad but it’s not that uncommon these days!

Louder for the people on the back! Thank you all for so many supportive and reassuring replies. Please excuse me, I have babies to make 😂😉

You seem more concerned by what others will think - your parents, kids in the playground, than what you and importantly your husband want.

If you both want this, no time to loose. It sounds like you’ll be bringing kids into a happy and stable home where they’ll be loved - that’s more than enough. As others have said - he definitely won’t be the oldest dad in the playground, you won’t be the oldest mum and you could have another 30 - 40 years together as parents.

Good luck 🍀

Life expectancy is higher than early 70s. No one knows the future. Late 30s is also normal to have a baby.

As humans we are pretty good at internalising the judgements and fears of others, esp our parents. Also is it possible that the near-death of your husband has given you a shock and some residual fear has stayed with you?

You ought to feel proud for getting yourself set up well financially so you can provide for and protect your child/ren if need be. There is no one way to live a perfect life and we can't guard against any of the tragedies or suffering that happen in life but you seem to be doing a pretty good job of looking after yourself so far.

I had my kids at 36 and 41, my husband is 15 years older than me. Didn't really plan to leave it so late, but we had lots of fertility issues. My husband and I are both really fit and healthy - we run and cycle regularly. Yes, one of us could drop dead tomorrow, but we make a conscious effort to stack the odds in our favour so we're around as long as possible for our children.

It's not too late for you; if you both want children, then go for it! Good luck. Xx

Have a baby if that's what you both want. Lots of men become fathers . My DHs father died when he was 10. His dad was 35. In fact I know a few people whose father died when they were still kids and their fathers weren't old. Anything can happen. Plus lots of men live well into their eighties or nineties. Perhaps he would even consider being a SAHF? You could still pursue your career but he might be happy to take a backseat with his. I had my last baby at 40. Got pregnant immediately, easy pregnancy and straightforward delivery. Your child will be very privileged to have such stable parents.

Don’t saddle offspring with an old, ill father.

Perhaps get some counseling. The childfree life has many upsides.

That's not old at all

Oh come on, 73 is old.

Stop worrying about other people and what they will think, go crack on have your babies and enjoy life.

My Dad was 50 when they had me. I'm 35 fyi.

He never looked after his health, drank and smoked regularly and was quite poorly from me being around 10, so although he wasn't the most physically involved, I still adored him and he me.

I had 26 amazing years with him and I wouldn't swap it for the world.

Total over reaction. My father was sixty five when I was born, an absolutely superb father, and I was blessed to have him. He lived to be much older than my Mum managed. I had children in my twenties with a crap man, he has never been a good father. You never know what life will throw at you, just be grateful you have known mutual love and respect. Enjoy trying for a family, accept what happens.

If a baby is something you both want don't let his age stop you. Having a loving and attentive older father is not such a bad start in life!

My dad was 53 nearly 54 when they had me and he was the best (15 year age gap) Go make those babies!!!

37 is fine for a dc but tbh 52 is quite old for a dad. I do know one person who became a dad at 50 but he is lucky to still be healthy at 60. Most people start to get illnesses etc in their 50s/60s & whilst we live longer now healthy life expectancy hasn't changed,

Interesting there is fair less judgement of older fathers. Often the consensus on MN is women shouldn't have babies any later than early 40s.

I've had my kids at 36, 38 and contemplating a third at 40. In my part of London I'm completely average in terms of age, there are lots of older mums and many significantly older dads. Your life is in no way over, you've had a wonderful chance to build a career and financial security, now is the perfect time to have kids. My only advice would be to get on it quickly and seriously, six months of aggressive TTC with period and ovulation tracking, if no luck straight to fertility testing, lifestyle changes, read It Starts with the Egg and IVF after 12 months. Might be overkill but a lot of people I know in late 30s didn't have an easier ride and the earlier you start sorting it out the better. You don't want to be realising it's difficult for you in your 40s as it gets harder then.

Likely best you haven't had children, given you'd be having them with the man who groomed you...

I had my ds at 45. His dad was 56. Ds is now a happy, chilled out 16yo. 6', 10 GCSEs, studying 3 stem a'levels.

Like you, I didn't feel the urge for a child until my 40s.

52 isn't old for a dad. Focus on maintaining your fitness so you can always keep up and have fun, and you'll be fine.

I don't think it's judgement. It's reality. A woman will struggle to conceive & carry a pregnancy beyond 45. A man can carry on fathering children into his 60s and still be around to see them to adulthood.

So it's not about age but just because the body can @Meadowfinch? Sperm quality does decline with age and older fathers are linked to certain neuro disorders & other health issues. There is far more nuance than that.

www.theguardian.com/science/2023/oct/22/the-perils-of-putting-off-fatherhood-why-it-poses-risks-to-childrens-physical-and-mental-health

You haven't missed the boat OP!

My neighbours have young kids and he's an 'old dad' if you will, well into his 50s, his wife much younger. He's actually the main one looking after them as he's retired, wife still working. If you both really want children it's not too late at all.