Life done @37

[Kerrmck73]

I met my husband when I was 17, he was 32. Ok get the judgement out the way. I love him, he loves me. It works. We've been together 20 years, married 8. We have the best time, he's my best friend. We laugh and have fun constantly. But. I'm 37, he's now 52. I've not had kids. Not because of him, he'd have kids tomorrow, I wanted a career, that took me 10 years to get exams, degrees, qualifications and most importantly a decent wage so I'm financially secure. Now I feel I've cocked up. I feel I've missed the boat. How can I have kids now? Probably still feasible for me, regular periods, bang on every month but an old dad? Kids lucky to make it to their 20th birthday with both parents. I've fcked up. I'm at loss. I'm heartbroken. I should have listened to my parents. My life feels over and my future feels lonely

I was 41 when I had ds. His dad was 50.

20 years on we are both very much alive!

Just do it. I had an old dad and here I am.

Imagine how many kids are born into chaos. Neglect. Then look at what your kid would have. A loving family. Parents financially comfortable. Parents who care about them. The only think I would say is if you do have them, dial down your ‘worry wart’.

FWIW, my dad was 60 when I was born. Very unusual in the early sixties. We were very poor-but my mum died when I was 15 and my dad when I was 18. So it was tough but you know what? I my sixties, I have a great life-have a very happy marriage, my young adult children are thriving and I live in a lovely place. I’m very glad that my parents had me even though most people would throw up their hands in horror!

I have three friends who have/had much older dads who were in their early 50s when they were born. All had him in their lives until adulthood. One lost her dad in her 20s, another in her mid 30s (thankfully her dad lived long enough to meet his grandchild), and the third is almost 40 herself and her dad is still a very fit fella, staring down the barrel of 90 but travelling regularly and engaging in his hobbies as normal. He could pass for late 70s easily. I've heard that having kids in later life can keep you younger as you have to make the effort to remain active and engage your brain. I'm 38 and pregnant with my first and hopeful about regaining my youth once the little one her here 🤣

Sounds like you've played your hand absolutely perfectly to me. OK maybe you could have tried for a baby a couple of years ago, but you got together with an older man as a teenager but got yourself educated, settled and financially secure... And you've got a husband who you love, he's your best friend, who makes you laugh and have fun.

Sounds absolutely brilliant to me!

I had my second exactly at your age. I won't sugar coat it - I had two miscarriages while trying for her. But then she came along and she's 15 now and perfect! As for an old Dad ... Old Dad is better than no Dad or alcoholic Dad or abusive Dad which is what a lot of children have to suffer.

Your husband could have another 40 years. Even 50, who knows.

There are no guarantees whatever your age. Parents die young every day. I had a baby with my long term partner. We were both in our twenties. He disappeared from our lives a few months later (because he's a dick, not because he died).

Your kids would be luckier to have a great (if older) dad for 10 or 20 years than a healthy young loser who disappears, or an abuser etc.

I think that you do have to consider that your Dh may die when they are still young. I had mine at 38 and Dh was 45 so I’m not judging but it is a worry and it started weighing a bit more heavily on me as she’s got older and I’m feeling my age a bit, DH is having regular health checks as well to make sure his heart is fine.

I would say giving a child a good, committed, loving father is more important than anything else, much more important than his age.

I would just ttc now.

I'm 38 and currently pregnant with my 4th child.

I got pregnant in the 2nd month of trying.

Don't give up hope, your age doesn't mean you will have problems necessarily.

It’s not too late at all. Too many what ifs. Your DH could live another 50 years! Dry your tears, speak to your DH and get trying. Being older, in stable relationship and financially secure a great start. My step D partner is almost 60 but great Dad to two under 4s and he is fit/healthy.

We have a big age gap and I was 27, 29 and 31 when I had our 3. He was in his 50s in the middle of it. It's not impossible!

OP kids can be cruel. Your job be to give them the tools to deal with it. If it wasn’t old Dad it be something else. Parenting isn’t shielding them from challenges or pain, it’s helping them navigate (roots then wings) through it. Don’t over think it. Babies bring their love with them. You are right. Unless you try and if something happens to your DH you may be very lonely potentially but if you have DC, in due course when something happens to one or other of you could be wonderful that your love for each other can live on. If you want have a family - absolutely go for it. My old Aunt said that if folk wait for the right conditions they’d never have kids.

52 as a new dad isn’t unusual in London. No one will bully your kid for that. You’re still young enough and these days life expectancy is at least 80. Equally you never know what might happen, so get off the internet and get making some babies!

I think you need to focus less on the early days and look at what life will look like when your child is in their teens and your DH is in his 70s. He most likely won't be able to relate to them much, he won't have the energy for all the drama and worry that comes with most teenagers so you will probably form a bit of a union with your child and your DH will have a more periferal role.

You also have to keep in mind that you are likely to go from caring for a child/teenager and once they have flown the nest you will have an ageing man to care for within probably just a few years. Speaking as someone who has just seen her two kids through their teens and early adulthood, it is knackering. The last thing I want is another human to care for and I am only in my mid-40s.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't have a child but most people always focus on whether they can get through the baby/toddler stage and although they are hard the teenage stage can be just as hard if not harder and we are older at that point. My mum is 72 for example and I know for a fact that she would not be OK caring for an 18 year old even if they are technically an adult. I mean, she'd do it but it wouldn't be fair on anyone.

Kids dont notice parental ages,to them we are all 100.

i am an adopter. after rigorous training and assessment i was matched with a child that in theory i had when i and my OH were 47. there were other families /adopters considered who were about younger. my LO was such a dream that i couldn’t believe we had been selected and i couldn’t in good conscience not say to my social worker “are you sure LO shouldn’t be with younger parents” but they were absolutely sure we were the parents for her. and we are both better parents at this age than we would have been at a younger age due to the joy of having LO and self knowledge and wisdom , etc etc. so i would say go for it !

37 is a perfectly normal age to have children. I had my youngest at 37. In the years before and between having my children, I partied, I traveled, I got a master’s and a PhD, Dh started a business. Lots of life in those years and I don’t regret waiting at all.

You can drop dead at any age though, as you well know. I’m 44 now with stage 3 cancer. A friend the same age died from cancer a few months ago. I lost my own dad as a teenager in his early 50s as did Dh. Whereas Dh’s grandparents all lived into their 90s and mine to 70s/80s. These things happen. You can’t predict what will happen in life. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

It sounds like you’ve built a great, solid life and you’re at an ideal point to start a family.

If you want a baby go for it. There are no guarantees in life. Men (and women) get ill and die in their 40s and 50's.

Go for it OP. Have a baby next year and your DH only has to make it to 73 to celebrate that 20th birthday. But bear in mind that he will not have the stamina of a younger man so think how you can make sure he isn’t overdoing things.

Go for it OP. Have a baby next year and your DH only has to make it to 73 to celebrate that 20th birthday. But bear in mind that he will not have the stamina of a younger man so think how you can make sure he isn’t overdoing things.

@Kerrmck73 enjoy 🤣

My children are older than you and if my daughter had a child in your circumstances I’d be delighted if that’s what she wanted. Life is very uncertain and bad things happen to far younger people. Sounds as though your relationship and finances are in good shape.Go for it if that’s truly what you both want.

In DC yr 3 class a good proportion of the mums are in their 40s. We also have a dad in his 60s. No kids are mocked. It's just mums and dad's doing their best.

Its never the right time to have kids. I would just go for it, from today if that's what you both want.

Yes do it!

Out of interest how did you start dating a 32 year old when 17, how did you meet?