Life done @37

[Kerrmck73]

I met my husband when I was 17, he was 32. Ok get the judgement out the way. I love him, he loves me. It works. We've been together 20 years, married 8. We have the best time, he's my best friend. We laugh and have fun constantly. But. I'm 37, he's now 52. I've not had kids. Not because of him, he'd have kids tomorrow, I wanted a career, that took me 10 years to get exams, degrees, qualifications and most importantly a decent wage so I'm financially secure. Now I feel I've cocked up. I feel I've missed the boat. How can I have kids now? Probably still feasible for me, regular periods, bang on every month but an old dad? Kids lucky to make it to their 20th birthday with both parents. I've fcked up. I'm at loss. I'm heartbroken. I should have listened to my parents. My life feels over and my future feels lonely

Think Mick Jagger (73) and Bernie Ecclestone (89) who both fathered children as older men. 52 is young in comparison.

Your dh could comfortably live for another 45/48 years! You have plenty of time to have a few children if you wanted to. Although he will be more tired at his age, he is more than capable of being a very good parent.

Buy an ovulation kit and start immediately. Then you will have the option to have one or two more.

My children bring so much love and variety to my life, I can see why you would feel it was missing.

My daughters bf is 17, her parents are 62 and 74. That was not a planned situation but there you are.
Both still work. Would you have a world where she didn't exist? Of course not.
It sounds like you have been sensible and set yourself up to be able to support yourself.
I'd go for it in your situation.

I think it's only sensible to consider the implications of having a baby with a man this age who has some health issues. On a practical level could you outsource some childcare or housework if he isn't able to offer as much support as you need?

I'd add to above the only thing her mum wishes is that she had realised sooner what a joy having a child is and had been able to give them at least one sibling so they have someone else.

There will be grandparents collecting children on the playground, Older siblings collecting children, and parents of every age between the two. Parents between 22 and 60 collecting their 5 yr olds don’t stand out on playgrounds near me.

However, do think about what @towelonfloor says. Some people have more aptitude and capacity than others.

Life Is full of unknowns with or without children.
You currently wish you’d had children 10 years ago. I guarantee if you don’t even try, in another 10 years time you’ll be saying exactly the same thing (and be even more regretful, I had mine at 39 and my friend’s about to have hers at 48.
People often wish they could change circumstances as hindsight is a wonderful thing. Sometimes older mums might wish they had their children younger or younger mums might wish they’d been slightly older. At the end of the day, neither regret actually having their children and would still prefer to have vs not.
Say the worst case scenario happens and you were to lose your husband. You’d forever have his children and you can’t get anything more precious than that in life. Listen to your heart (and all the mums on here!). If having children is something you both want now. Then now is the perfect time to have them. Wishing you every happiness in getting what you want ❤️

If he'll be present in their life (active play, supporting them in their school/sport/daily life activities, being someone who'll listen to them etc) - generally being a great dad, age is irrelevant. Plenty of children do not have this at any age. I say that if you both want children and are ready - go be amazing parents and give them all the love that you can.

Maybe don’t be so snippy and rude to people you’re seeking advice from?

Surely the most important thing is that you child is loved and has the opportunity to grow up in a loving household and tbh OP, from the way you have described your relationship, I think that child would be super lucky. Don't let the what ifs stop you.

Go for it. We are older parents to our youngest child (secondary infertility). We were 40 and 53 when she was born.

It's not ideal in that i do worry how long we'll both be around once she's a young adult. But the positives outweighs the negatives by far. We're happily married, good careers, no money worries, far more confidence and patience than when we had our first 10 years before her. And although we're at the older end of the range we certainly weren't the only older parents in the school playground either and seem to be slimmer, fitter and healthier than some of the young'uns.

I'm also say you can't live your life only doing things if they're ideal. You just don't know what will happen. My son has a friend whose (young) dad died in a car crash when he was 10 and another friend lost her (young) mum to cancer when she was 14. Us older parents are still chugging along and counting our blessings. You just do your best and hope for the best, it's all you can do.

Absolutely no regrets here.

No one thinks about you anything like as much as you think they do. If you want a child ( with all the risks, good bits, bad bits that go with that) then get on with it . The parents of people your children go to school with will know very well that your husband is their father not their grandad. What other people think is of no consequence.

The best thing for a child is to have a loving supportive parent. Nobody knows the future. If you have a wider family this can offer a back up too.

I agree with @AngelinaFibres most people are too busy getting in with their own lives to be bothered about yours. In a flash we will all be dust again.

Do kids still mock each other for this kind of thing? These days I wouldn’t easily assume whether it’s a Dad or Grandad at school pick up.

There was someone in my NCT group whose partner was in his 50s. I didn’t really think much of it.

I absolutely judge the age gap. I say this as someone who judges my own. I was 21 when I met my 38 year old DH.

We have been together 12 years now, but I'm very aware of the power imbalance that was present for the first 5 years or so. There's always going to be one, when someone has that much more life and relationship experience alongside the inherent imbalance of male/female.

However.

If both partners work on it then it can turn out okay. I just know from first hand experience the challenges and I'm not sure I would want a daughter of mine making the same choice. You were even younger than me.

Okay, getting off my soapbox now.

My mum suffered with infertility and adopted me at 37. She was and is very active and there was nothing her age prevented her from doing. She desperately wanted to be a mum, which I think got her through having young teens and menopause at the same time.

If you really want it, go for it. But expect you may be doing the majority of "active" care and your DH taking on a more grandfatherly type role as the child gets older

I don’t see why you can’t have a baby. I’m 48 and my partner is 52 and whilst I don’t want more kids I don’t think we are really too old.

My mum was 16yrs younger than my dad. My dad was 49 when I was born, he died just before my 40th birthday.
My mum is still with us, and I'd say I had a pretty normal childhood. My dad was an electrician, my mum a secretary.
Famous people having kids later in life are not really a good comparison - they can afford to buy in childcare without a second thought.
But there are plenty of families having kids later in life, and if that's what you both want then go for it :)
Edited for spelling!

Albeit I am a bit creeped out by the idea of a 32 year old cracking on to a teenager, all people are different and your relationship has stood the test of time. You have a happy marriage - you only need to take a quick look at these pages to see how vanishingly rare that is! Much better for a child to have ~20 years of being raised by happy, well balanced, loving parents than having to put up with squabbling, dysfunctional ones into their 50s and 60s.

The only thing I'd worry about is whether your husband is physically up to it - the baby/toddler phase is gruelling! So if I were you I'd have a realistic discussion now about who'd do what and be prepared for a lot of the burden to be on you in the early days. Also be aware that as an older dad he is more likely to father autistic children so make sure that is something you're prepared for (as much as one can ever be).

Good luck, and I hope you get the family you want!

It’s your life and your choice. Most people including men, have their children in 20-40s and 50s is objectively old to have first child. I think as long as you think about the unborn child and what their future will probably turn out like, and you are comfortable with that, then go for it.

@Kerrmck73 just do it. I had my last at 37, first at 20, never felt too old.

Also I know the night busses you mean. Had many a date from those busses 😂

First post nails it, you could have kids with someone your own age and they could die young you just never know whats going to happen.

is this on the right thread?! OP has been nothing but lovely!

Tell your parents the subject is closed re your age gap. Have a baby with your husband. 50's is not too old to be a father. You love each other, this baby will have loving parents. Stop worrying about it!

My sister had her first at 35 and her second at 39. Her husband is 12 years older than her. They’ve had no issues at all. If your husband is keen to as well I would definitely go for it and stop worrying!