New Partner Wet the Bed

[NewManIssue]

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

I haven’t read all the replies but I have got the gist of them from OPs responses and I’m slightly going against the grain.

There is a chance he had no clue what had happened, if you didn’t realise because there was no smell and it could also have been the first time, potentially due to the amount of alcohol or prostate issues.

I’d talk to him first and get a sense of things. I’d also stop getting so blind drunk with him that one of you can piss the bed and neither of you notice. That’s not good for your health.

He knew, he’s done it before and will do it again.

Throw this o e back in the sea.

But as mentioned above, I've wet the previously.

What was once warm and wet soon turns to cold and soaking.

That's going to be my new random catchphrase 🤣
I'll finish it off with a cheeky wink for full confusion.

He owes you new pillows, mattress topper and mattress. Bin him.

This. Bed wetting not ideal but letting you clean it up 🤯

It’s worked, I’m afraid I don’t understand a word of this 🤣

OP you have been dating for a month, why are you calling him a partner? He is a boyfriend.
And to me it seems a bit off that you already had several drunken nights together, what is the need to drink so much? I would not be happy with all the drinking especially if it means pissing in the bed and pretending nothing has happened.

If it was me I'd blatantly drop it in to conversation....

"Great night the other night...by the way, did you piss the bed?"

Why not? He doesn't get to piss the bed and leave you to clean the mess.

My exh occasionally wet the bed, or got up and peed in the corner of the room while drunk. He was an alcholic. I can't think of any reason why this would not be a deal breaker and if I had left my exh the first time he did it a lot of heart ache would have been saved!

Well if you piss your bed you'll soon understand 🤣

Not a clue, sorry 🤣

I was going to suggest prostate issues - it might not be a drink problem as such. Some men usually a bit older get up multiple times a night and if he was drunk hasn't woken up. You need to talk it through with him.

My daughter's partner did this. Repeatedly. He didn't clean it up he left it for her. Insisted there was nothing abnormal about it. All his mates did it when they were drunk . She left him.

I'd encourage him to get a health check.
It could be a kidney problem.
People with poor kidney function pass more urine at night than in the day - it happens to older people as well (not that he's old.)
If he's overweight or unfit it could be a sign of diabetes because passing huge amounts of urine is a common symptom.

Prostate issues- well, he's a bit on the young side- it's more common at 60+. Men with enlarged prostates don't pass more urine, their bladders just hold less so they go more often.

I'd suggest he sees his GP to discuss this .

If I ever find myself single and in the murky world of OLD, this is going to be in my bio.

I wonder if he's going to say he thought it was you OP and didn't want to mention it as it would embarrass you.

I think we're all here to hear about tonight's conversation ....

You have to decide very quickly whether you could put up with this; from previous experience, this will almost certainly NOT be a one-off (regardless of what he tells you).

This issue turned to resentment with me, along with anxiety any time he had a drink that it would ‘happen again’.

Confront this with him head on is my advice.
And if you decide to continue, start researching into the best waterproof mattress toppers/bedsheets - switching mattresses is very costly!

Rather than jumping to conclusions, he needs a health check.
There could be something serious going on which, in his mind, he may have ignored (as men do) and assuming it's 'just because he's had a few drinks'.

If this was a woman, I'm sure friends would be advising her to see a doctor to make sure there was nothing wrong.

Not just assume it was being drunk and anti social.

Sorry OP but I think you have got yourself an alcoholic for a boyfriend.
Very common to wet the bed usually after many years of drinking.
It's easy to be sober for a day/week/month. Drinkers hide it well when they want to.
I'm a former alcoholic and I wouldn't recommend a relationship with this new man unless you are prepared for all the lies. It also costs a fortune.
I drank solidly for twenty years after a massive trauma but I was lucky my DH stuck by me. F*ck knows why but we've been together 38 years.
We're now enjoying our sober life but it took many attempts and a dose of AA.

You don’t know anyone after a month, I’m sorry to say.
He may be a nice guy, but I suspect there is an alcohol issue which he’s hiding.
I am sorry but if anyone wakes up in a bed that wet, they know.
He has left you to deal with it as well.
This is the real him.

Can you explain? Are you saying he'd had a lot to drink before they met up? So basically he was comatose in bed.

Because if not, your post doesn't make sense.

It's a big leap- he could be diabetic.

If you woke up in a sopping wet bed, wouldn’t you realise? He realised. No one sweats that much unless they are very ill. If he’d thought he’d been that ill (but not woken in the night) he would have mentioned it and still be feeling ill in the morning.

Sure he was embarrassed but he is probably relying on you to be too embarrassed to mention it.

Sime drunks wet the bed. Some shit the bed, so perhaps you got lucky 🫤. The thing is, the only control they have over it is not getting so drunk that they sleep through their body’s toilet alerts. The first time it happens it can be a (wet) wake up call but some just get used to it. I can’t remember the footballer’s names now, but there are autobiographies from the 90’s that explain it better than I can.

Good luck with speaking to him, OP. You're a better woman than I am for not just sending a text.

I'm another vote for instant finish to the relationship. I suspect it wasn't the first time, but even if it was he MUST have known. It's just not possible he didn't. So saying nothing and leaving you to deal with the (expensive, time consuming and frankly revolting) aftermath is a total deal breaker.

Exactly can you all chill please. Op needs us to get back to putting down this man and not pulling her up on letting random men meet her daughter, they've been together for a month so that's long enough to meet the kids. Honestly whats wrong with y'all

And the 'kid' is a 32 year old!

Who they bumped into by chance.

Honestly the standard of reading on MN is shocking.