New Partner Wet the Bed

[NewManIssue]

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

That’s what I want to know as well. He must have got up and been soaking wet, did he just dry himself with a towel and get dressed?!

Have you checked your towels OP? Have you ever had a whiff of wee off him before?

This could be important to tell him.

He must have known it happened and i think not telling you is a problem though

My ex did that a few times. So disgusting. He had a drink problem. We stayed together for 6 years but it was a deal breaker in the end

He knew. He was just trying to brazen it out

Of course he did! Don’t think you wouldn’t realise if you woke up Ona bed that was soaked through with your urine?

I agree

Just another thought, NewManIssue.

If you are unable to buy a new mattress, I can highly recommend this:

https://www.stressnomore.co.uk/collections/urine-removers

No, we weren't in the habit of wetting the bed 😁.
My DD has SLD and an unusual form of epilepsy whereby she very occasionally wets the bed during a seizure.

When this first happened unexpectedly we didn't have a waterproof mattress cover - which we do now - I bought this to try as her mattress was very expensive.
This is excellent!

No chance in hell someone couldn't know they'd done this

Oh no... no way does he not know, he is hoping you haven't realised... but he absolutely knows.

I've woken up dripping in sweat and it is absolutely nothing like waking up in a piss soaked bed (done that too, though as a result of a medical condition, not drink!)...

The only acceptable response to this is to immediately confess, apologise profusely and offer to sort out new mattress, bedding etc etc. Nothing less.

This has been making me laugh all through the thread haha. Ridiculous!!

re The Incident have a convo and take it from there

@NewManIssue sorry but that would definitely be a deal breaker for me! how the hell do you even broach the subject of bedwetting??

He didn't acknowledge it, apologise or clean it up?? I came on my period and stained my DH (then bf's) sheets in the early days. I was mortified, apologised and cleaned the stain though he refused to let me wash it as he would do it - he wasn't bothered at all but I'm sure if I had just ignored it and let him clean up, he'd have had doubts about me.

It should be a deal breaker, not just him not dealing with it but the fact he finds it easier to piss the sheets then get up to wee. I've never seen that and my exH was an alcoholic. Unless he's got a medical condition in which case he would know how to manage it in someone's house or not drink that heavily.

Please consider that he may have a health issue which he might find embarrassing.

Some of the judgemental replies here are very harsh and just bear in mind that you might not know the whole circumstances of this.

When people do this, it’s usually indicative of alcoholism.

Oh please, anyone with a health condition isn't pissing their own bed every night or hotel beds so he would know how to manage it. Also if it was a health condition he wouldn't be leaving her to clean it up and would know it had happened. He's 50 not 5.

Let's not make excuses for unhygienic lazy grown ass men.

My husband was in a very bad car accident years ago that damaged his pelvis area, he now at times has to go very urgently when he realises he needs a wee…if he drank (we don’t) it would almost certainly be exacerbated. It could be that he didn’t realise, especially as you say it didn’t smell at the beginning. I would be suggesting he goes and gets his prostate checked as well was cuts back on the drinking…his reaction to you telling him will show you a lot about him, and if the problem is a one off or not.

Honestly you need to up your standards. Can’t believe you’re thinking of continuing a relationship with him. He pissed in your bed, wrecked your mattress and lay in piss all night and still didn’t realise in the morning. This is a new relationship, you owe him nothing. Absolutely minging.

I agree with this as well.

OP, of course he’s going to tell you this was a one off.

At best, he’s a coward. Dump now before you get any further attached.

Pretty sure ‘in sickness and in health’ applies to spouses, not random men you met a month ago, who piss in your bed and are too cowardly or blasé to say sorry and deal with their mess.

The bar really is set low for men.
As others said, it’s less about the action and more about the reaction. He knew. Isn’t the first time, wont be the last.

If he does have a health issue that he finds embarrassing, he must know that drinking too much alcohol makes it worse.

He would also have known that he had wet the bed and that it wasn't sweat but he just left OP to deal with it.

The replies that you consider to be harsh and judgemental are not because OP's new partner has an embarrassing health condition, but because he didn't tell OP what had happened and help her clean it up.

It would be similar to a woman waking up in a new boyfriend's bed and finding that she had just got her period and bled heavily on his sheets. Surely she wouldn't just get up and go to work without saying anything?

If it’s soaked the mattress you’ll have to buy a new one! Quite an expense and a hassle.
Ask him for the money.

I think you're being a bit unfair. Yes it's disgusting and yes he shouldn't have lied but he was probably really embarrassed. If it was me I'd give him the chance to make up for the situation (replacing your ruined things) and either not get so drunk or be more diligent about going to the loo before bed after drinking. I don't think it's fair to punish someone for having what could be a medical issue without giving him the chance to resolve it. Would you respond like this to a teenager who had wet the bed and lied about it? But up to you I guess.

Also wondering why you didn't strip the sheets straight away if the bed was soaking wet rather than leave them to dry? Not that that would have helped save your things but I don't understand the logic.

I think you’re right that you’ll know if he knew or not. Definitely talk to him face to face. If he really didn’t know then he needs to see the GP as it could be an enlarged prostate, overactive bladder, bladder infections, urinary tract stones, etc. If it’s the booze (and he did t know) then maybe you both need to pull back on that?

I’d be so disgusted I think I’d just never speak to him again
its not even my problem and I feel sick reading about this. It’s one month in he’s meant to be on his best behaviour

he absolutely knew what happened and just went off to work anyway leaving you to clear up without apology or explanation
that’s beyond disgusting.

you’re not his mum. No ditch him and don’t look back