New Partner Wet the Bed

[NewManIssue]

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

I'm in the bin him category

If it was a known medical issues he should have warned Op BEFORE he slept in her bed. And most certainly apologised after it. Even if he came out with some bull it's only the 2nd time it's happened.

No I wouldn't bin DH but we would deal with it like grown-ups, get a protector on the bed ASAP. Technically he also owns half the bed.
And it's also slightly different, he's cleaned my puke before when I was ill. Sickness and in health and all that!

He's had his chance to apologise and fess up. He didn't he ran off hoping Op wouldn't notice.

Quite hard to excuse that behaviour.

Regardless of the reason, alcohol, drugs or illness hes not worth keeping,

Wonder if we had the same ex lol!

The major issue is he left her to clean it up!

Accidents happen, as do health issues but leaving the op to sort it after effectively lying is a big red flag

This really wouldn’t excuse him. If he had prostate issues and was aware that he was at risk of peeing when asleep then he should mitigate any possible damage to OPs bed/bedding by getting up and going home to piss his own bed. Or alternatively, fess up and give OP the choice of him going home or using a plastic sheet, inco pads etc. Not romantic I know but at least he’d be taking responsibility for it.

The wetting the bed is gross and embarrassing for him, but I suppose it can happen unfortunately. But to not say anything and leave you with ruined bedding and pissy sheets is unforgivable. He should have at least cleaned up his own mess and offered to replace the ruined things. That would be the deal breaker for me.

I’m sorry but that would be a dealbreaker for me
How could he leave it for you to find expect to see you again?!

Dealbreaker!

Whatever the cause (yes, I suppose it could have been a one off, due to medication, health issues, etc.), he would definitely have known - there’s no way he wouldn’t - and yet he left you to clear it up. He left a pissy bed to stew, for you to discover and clean up later. Because that’s the woman’s job, right.
That’s the unforgivable part and I would not be able to get past that.

The thought of it is making me feel ill. Surely you would never want to have sex with him again?

No, just probably a little more life experience than you.

Quite a lot of experience with people changing medication and developing medical complications.

He didn't leave her with a stench, as she said when they got up had no odour.

I know this is going to sound gross but if he not long done it and was still in bed it was probably still quite warm so no he may not have realised he done it, it's quite possible to urinate and not realise, especially if it's something like a change of medication. He may also have just assumed it was a hot sweaty night. It happens.

She might not owe him anything, but she was happy before this happened before everybody piled on, she owes herself a discussion with him to see if it's happened before to see if he had any idea what happened and to see if he's on medication...

It's very easy when you're young, to say LTB over any minor issue,, it's much more difficult when you're older because the pool of available decent men is smaller and also you've developed a bit of life experience to know that not everything is black and white & that not all men are bastards.

I thought that. It can happen to men and women if very drunk (and not just urine), but you don't mess up someone's bed, leave it and say nothing. I have a feeling you will not see him again, op, and you're well out of it, frankly.

You must be grown up people if one of you has an adult child.

Don't get so drunk again, you or with a man, it's totally unnecessary and shows a lack of self control. Youngsters, students and alcoholics do that.

Please tell me the pool of decent men will never be so small I need to accept some gross sneak leaving me with his waste to clean up.
Desperate.
Id rather sleep alone, in a clean dry bed, than ever have to settle for this crap.
My experience is telling me like pp, it’s easier to chuck a rat early.
In what world is some strange man wrecking thousands of pounds worth of furnishings, and then leaving it and lying about it, a ‘minor issue’??

Imagine if she stayed over at his, and woke in a puddle of pee. He’d sort it out, right? He’d hardly leave it there. And he would want to be the unluckiest man in the world for this first time occurrence to happen in his new girlfriend’s bed, and for him to wake and think ‘crikey, my half of the bed feels warm and damp, but it’s nothing to do with me’ 😳

That’s nasty.🤢

It would be a red flag for sure, but I’m also assuming that he’s in his late 50’s or 60’s so it could be a prostate issue? Many men develop them and this could be a sign that he needs to have a checkup. There’s a lot that can be done to help. I know a little about this as my Dad has prostate problems!

Anyway, good luck with the conversation, it’s going to be awkward.

I can never understand people who know alcohol makes them wet the bed but continue to drink.alcohol, so basically choosing to wet the bed. 🤷

It may have been the first time it happened for him, it doesn't always occur. No doubt he felt awful and panicked when he realised.

However the fact that he went off saying nothing makes me think he is not a keeper. Thank goodness they've only been together a month, it won't be too much of a wrench to ditch him.

Excess boozing is disgusting anyway.

I do truly appreciate all responses, the grossed out ones and also the more level headed ones @SpringIsSpringing25sticks out as very much my way of thinking.

To be clear. I am definitely going to have the conversation tomorrow evening. I’ve already asked if I can go over and see him and he’s said he is looking forward to seeing me as he said he had a surprise - no sadly not a Dreams new mattress delivery 🤣

Sooo, he is literally acting like nothing happened, and he couldn’t wait to tell me that his surprise it is that he’s booked for us to have a night away on Sunday… Well, that’s gonna be bloody interesting, isn’t it?! He might well be having a night away alone…or a night in a nappy 🤦🏼‍♀️

There was no smell when we got up, it HAD been very hot in my bedroom, I genuinely thought it was sweat and I am
utterly grossed out that it wasn’t, I’ve binned the mattress topper and pillows from that side and will get a new mattress out of him!

Yes, I owe him nothing after a month but I would like to speak to him about it regardless, it’s looking unlikely it’s a one off or medical issue if the comments here are to go by however, I will ask the question and watch his physical response as much as his verbal one.

I do have standards, I am not ashamed, I am a private person and it’s not the sort of thing I’d share with friends or family, no reason to.

Thanks again - and to @YYYDlilahfor the jokes 🤣

He should've cleaned the bed! FFS. OP has known him a month. Block.

My FIL did this once and turns out it was an early sign of prostate cancer 😢

Stuff that
He’s gone off covered in piss to Work presumably not mentioned a word of it
I would not be gentle, that’s disgusting

I would put a waterproof mattress cover over your new mattress to just generally protect it. I don’t mean the old fashioned ones made out of rubberised / plastic material, there are nice bamboo or similar that are not hard or crinkly or noisy.

I put one on mine after an incident - not wetting the bed - but falling asleep with a mug of tea in bed after a long, busy night at work and I was completely exhausted. I could have cried, so tired and I had to strip the bed - duvet, sheet, mattress topper soaked and it had gone through to my recently bought new mattress, too and being worried it would stain, I ended up setting up my bissell carpet cleaner to shampoo the mattress! I remember being so weary and upset and I was mad with myself that I’d closed my eyes for a second holding a hot drink and ooh, the tea had tasted so good before I drifted off into sleep…

Anyway, lesson learned, I can recommend the mattress protectors if only for peace of mind that moisture won’t affect or ruin the mattress. Mattresses aren’t cheap to replace and are awkward / bulky to get rid of.

He would have known.

I've done it whilst pregnant and whilst you might dream you're on the toilet and nice and warm... The huge warm wet patch soon gets cold and uncomfortable.

Did he even shower before he went to work?
If not his poor colleagues will have the definitive answer!

Imagine going to work stinking of stale piss. Mmmm Mmm 🤣 Sorry @NewManIssue

He sounds revolting. No way he didn't realise he'd wet the bed. However it sounds like you both have a drink problem. You say you were both pretty drunk, and have been in the same bed and been drunk before, and you've only been dating a month! So getting drunk (rather than just having a drink) is normal for you? Perhaps you both need to look at your drinking habits. Also booze makes menopause symptoms much worse.