New Partner Wet the Bed

[NewManIssue]

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

This is your issue to figure out; ultimately you are in the drivers seat. Mns can only give you new ways of thinking about it. Best of luck. I hope you’ll return to share if there are updates.

This!!

I think that only you know if this relationship is worth it and it sounds as if it is. It’s all very well people on here frothing and saying “LTB” but none of us know you or your partner. He’s apologised, he’s replaced the bedding and knows it’s a deal breaker. I think you’ve handled this well and raised it in a mature and appropriate way.

I hope it all works out. May all your nights be dry OP 😉

Sounds good that he’s apologetic , but don’t be too flattered by all that nice stuff about how he’s changed. We’re all slightly better versions of ourselves else when trying to impress a new partner. The first flush of romance will probably wear off and he’ll change back to whatever he was normally like.

Tonight will be as I’m home alone 🤣 Thank you though in all seriousness I am very open-minded about having a man in my life. It’s not a big deal. He was a swerve ball as people say!

We wouldn’t be here commenting if there had been a flush in this whole sorry incident 🤣🚽🧻

Give over! It's an anonymous board.
Furthermore, chefs are a group associated with drinking and drugging.
To have pissed a bed up to the pillows after "a few drinks" does not suggest somebody who does not know their way around the "coke leads to drink, leads back to coke " conundrum.

Calling a thing a thing is not malicious.
Not all of us came down with the last drop of rain.
The only off key things about this thread is that a grown, up there in age woman is so stuck as to not immediately ghost a man who pissed her bed and left it there for her to deal with and the Caped Crusaders who are repulsed that the Honeymoon Phase has yielded this situation.

Was he a git before meeting you, then? 😂
Agree about getting the waterproof sheets.

He knows what triggers this and he is determined to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

So he knew he was going to piss the bed because he obviously did the thing that triggers it.

And he knew he had pissed the bed and left it for you to deal with.

This gets worse!

Op tread very very carefully.
You've only been together for a month. People at work have noticed he's different. The honeymoon won't last forever.

What happens when the honeymoon period ends and he slips back into his old ways??

Tread very carefully. Take it very slowly!

It’s just so grim! What’s the trigger & presumably he’s done this before to know there is a trigger?!! That makes it 100 times worse for me. At least you’re getting your stuff replaced.

Good luck Op - really hope it was just a 1-off & he’s worth giving a 2nd chance to.

Think you handled it well,
He must be mortified though so I wouldn’t be surprised if he backed away from the relationship out of pure embarrassment in the near future but that wouldn’t be your fault in any way

I agree.
Just get shot of him.

One thing: I’d never consider a man changing for me a compliment. It’s a red flag. It means he’s masking, performing, being his jolly self while on the novelty high. Not something that lasts.

Thank you @NewManIssue for the update. I am so glad you were able to "resolve" the issue, clarify your concerns and get the outcome that you hoped for (so did I, by the way).
How lovely that other members of the brigade have noticed such a positive change in your BF (I am 66 my toyboy BF is 60 and I wouldn't know what else to call him either)!
Fingers crossed that there are no reoccurrences. Bon ap!

Ahh OP. I hate to say this but I've been down this road. Pissed the bed but did own up to it, very embarrassed, so I tried to make light of it.
Long story short, he was a secret alcoholic. I honestly didn't know, that's the killer. I liked a drink and he seemed to drink quiet slowly. Unbeknown to me, he drank throughout the day. I couldn't tell when I met him in the evening.
What makes your story worse is how 'staff' are telling you that he's different. I know they mean that in a good way, but what was the bad way? How long is he going to hold it together?.

Nothing he has said has excused the fact that he ignored it, left you to clean up his mess, and banked on you not mentioning it.

It's not like he leapt out of bed and went "Oh my God, I'm so sorry" and set about binning and replacing everything, is it?

No, he was going to try to get away with it. And have you clean up.

Well, it's your funeral. He likely won't do it again until he feels he's "got you," and then you'll have wasted a lot more time and will be even more attached to him.

"I also spent some time this evening talking to some more members of staff at his restaurant who told me how much he has changed since he met me and how he talks about me all the time and they can see a difference in him. "

Were they not busy with the big party?

Whatever, enjoy your new mattress and get some Chux. Maybe he should avoid his "trigger" in the future as well as drinking lots of alcohol.

By his own admission he was hoping you’d think it was sweat. He wanted you to believe it was sweat. A kind of deceit, a kind of gaslighting. Be careful of him making you believe things like urine is sweat when it suits his ends. A very scary possibility where your reality is challenging.

I hope he proves worthy of the trust you are placing in him and second chance you are giving him. If he knows what the trigger was, how on earth could he not have done a sniff test instead of saying you’re the one who thought it sweat. Means he hoped he’d gotten away with it.

Now he knows just how much you like him to not end things over this, he knows you’ll forgive whatever fuck up he does next. Early dating is a time to establish and test boundaries. There’s no point talking tough if eventually you just accept his excuses. There’s men who beat up their wives and apologise beautifully - he’s likely well rehearsed at apologising after the fact since this isn’t a one off. Obv other women haven’t tolerated it, that’s why you’ve got him. And as validating and flattering it is that he’s happy with you and the best he’s ever been - what about you? Are you going to be the best version of yourself with a man who relies on a charming apology to get away with shameless behaviour? You realise if you hadn’t brought it up, he’d have pretended it didn’t happen. All it’s cost him is some money and an apology - you on the other hand will always be on guard and wary. Don’t make his life better by being his maid - any man would love you for it. How he cleans up after his messes, physical and emotional - I think you got a glimpse of a future there with someone fundamentally selfish and inconsiderate.

It depends whether he is "masking, performing" or his demeanor has changed because he is happier.

I think you did the right thing personally.

I actually feel sorry for him to be honest.

I'm getting some odd vibes off your updates though. "Come at me huns!" And other oddities. Just doesn't seem like the behaviour of a 50+ yr old woman. Just all a bit..... Unusual...

I would have given him another chance too OP. Good luck!

Well done OP. Everyone is human. You have given this hard working chef a second chance. He more than anyone else knows his cards are marked. I hope it works out for you both. If not then at least you've given something & someone special a good try.

You did the right thing. Was honest and gave him a chance to explain.

He apologised, paid for replacements and I've set him straight that it can't happen again.

But what if it does? He's clearly embarrassed about it and obviously doesn't want it to happen but something you will have to consider.

When I read your initial post I was so angry for you. Mainly because he acted like it'd never happened and left you to clean it. But now I also feel sorry for him.

He's apologised, you like him, his workers seem to like him so I'm glad you've given him another chance.