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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New Partner Wet the Bed

1000 replies

NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 21:55

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

OP posts:
WhyCantIGetItTogether · 16/04/2025 20:51

NewManIssue · 16/04/2025 15:57

FOR ME TO SLEEP IN!!! Seriously?!

It’s inevitable, isn’t it? When all the practical advice has been given and an issue has been scrutinised to death, it’s time to start tearing into the OP.

Zucker · 16/04/2025 20:52

He. Shat. On. Your. Leg.

And you joke about it now.

That is the most amazing thing I've ever read on this website!

Best of luck with the chat OP, at least he didn't shit the bed eh!

Motomum23 · 16/04/2025 20:53

Good luck

mcmooberry · 16/04/2025 20:53

Staying up for the update, I really don't know what to think. I want it all to be ok as he sounds perfect apart from this. There's no sugar-coating it though, it's not attractive to be wetting the bed.

Jane958 · 16/04/2025 20:53

Good luck @NewManIssue .
I really hope that this was a silly (unfortunate) combination of mixed drinks and feeling relaxed and comfortable. Although I do agree with anyone, who said he should replace the "damaged goods".

Drummergirl1971 · 16/04/2025 20:55

NewManIssue · 16/04/2025 19:20

Hi everyone, thanks again for the good wishes and good luck for the conversation. I don’t really think I need it. It’s only gonna go one way or the other…

I think mostly the most recent posters are only repeating what’s been said over the last 500+ messages. I have been very much a reader of MN more than someone that takes part for the last 25ish years - who knew this would be pretty much my posting debut 😳

I won’t be seeing him till around 9 but I will update when I get home maybe around 915😬🤣

I actually feel a bit sorry for the guy 👀
All the points you & others raised are valid, I agree with them & I doubt I would put up with it, but, if putting myself in his shoes, I would probably be extremely mortified & try to bury my head in the sand, if that makes sense. People often ignore things about themselves that are hard to face & brush off/make excuses for things. He absolutely should’ve owned up, explained & cleaned up his mess, but maybe reacted in shock & dismay and tried to avoid it. Maybe the hotel is his way of trying to make up for it & avoid the unavoidable, a painful (for him) rejection. You are right to break up with him & your honesty on a difficult to broach topic is a sign of respect - it would be easier to lie or ghost & you’re not doing that. I’m sure you’ll do this anyway, but hopefully you will let him down as gently as possible. Good luck with it whatever. You sound like you have your head screwed on and I hope your next romance goes better 🤞🏽

outerspacepotato · 16/04/2025 20:55

bettermumthanyou · 16/04/2025 20:46

Wow - that is harsh!!! It’s not like he did it on purpose, show some compassion!!

It sounds like everything was otherwise going so well and the two of them were really connecting - it would be such a shame to throw that away so easily!!

My boyfriend was so drunk once that he shat on my leg while we were asleep in bed! To be fair, he didn’t try to deny it, and although it was gross at the time, we joke about it now.

Well that's a pisstake. 💀

CountryTunes · 16/04/2025 20:57

I'm eagerly awaiting the update!

Andoutcomethewolves · 16/04/2025 20:57

OP my (now) DH not only pissed but actually SHAT the bed when very drunk a couple of months in. He was totally embarrassed (and I think was genuinely shocked/disbelieving that he had done it) and assured me it had never happened before - he was only mid 30s at the time so I'll admit I had serious doubts! But six years on, we're married and happy and it has never happened again (either poo or wee 🤢). I'm soooo glad I gave him a chance. Obviously it's up to you but this wouldn't be an automatic dumping offence for me, depending on his other qualities and how he handles it when challenged!

bettermumthanyou · 16/04/2025 20:58

ThisFluentBiscuit · 16/04/2025 20:48

And that didn't give you the massive, massive ick?????

I don' know what's worse - that he shat on your leg or that he allowed himself to get so drunk.

Women are so forgiving of men compared to the opposite. Makes me mad!

Of course I was disgusted… and I wasn’t forgiving (not immediately anyway) - I was LIVID! You should have seen me trying to scream at him but sort of retching at the same time, also trying to run away from the mess but realising it’s actually on me…! I must have looked a sight!

gamerchick · 16/04/2025 20:59

Andoutcomethewolves · 16/04/2025 20:57

OP my (now) DH not only pissed but actually SHAT the bed when very drunk a couple of months in. He was totally embarrassed (and I think was genuinely shocked/disbelieving that he had done it) and assured me it had never happened before - he was only mid 30s at the time so I'll admit I had serious doubts! But six years on, we're married and happy and it has never happened again (either poo or wee 🤢). I'm soooo glad I gave him a chance. Obviously it's up to you but this wouldn't be an automatic dumping offence for me, depending on his other qualities and how he handles it when challenged!

Did he lie and then scarper, hoping you wouldn't notice while leaving you to clean it up?

BeethovenNinth · 16/04/2025 20:59

The guy will be mortified. Go gently whatever you do

CountryTunes · 16/04/2025 20:59

Andoutcomethewolves · 16/04/2025 20:57

OP my (now) DH not only pissed but actually SHAT the bed when very drunk a couple of months in. He was totally embarrassed (and I think was genuinely shocked/disbelieving that he had done it) and assured me it had never happened before - he was only mid 30s at the time so I'll admit I had serious doubts! But six years on, we're married and happy and it has never happened again (either poo or wee 🤢). I'm soooo glad I gave him a chance. Obviously it's up to you but this wouldn't be an automatic dumping offence for me, depending on his other qualities and how he handles it when challenged!

But he didn't lie and make you believe it was urine and leave you to clean did he?

NewManIssue · 16/04/2025 21:00

A non update. I’m here but he’s a chef and a huge walk in table arrived 30 mins ago so no chance of a 915 update sorry!! I feel more invested in updating the mn massive right now ✊🏼
he’s blown me a hello kiss and “sorry” and I’ll speak asap and update. Loins are girded and now I’ve seen him I know I can do this. Hope it’s not too awkward, I’ve never ever seen a nasty side…let’s see…!

OP posts:
momtoboys · 16/04/2025 21:00

I am so shallow and this would be such a deal breaker for me that I would completely ghost him. I would not be able to look him in the face again.

NewManIssue · 16/04/2025 21:01

Andoutcomethewolves · 16/04/2025 20:57

OP my (now) DH not only pissed but actually SHAT the bed when very drunk a couple of months in. He was totally embarrassed (and I think was genuinely shocked/disbelieving that he had done it) and assured me it had never happened before - he was only mid 30s at the time so I'll admit I had serious doubts! But six years on, we're married and happy and it has never happened again (either poo or wee 🤢). I'm soooo glad I gave him a chance. Obviously it's up to you but this wouldn't be an automatic dumping offence for me, depending on his other qualities and how he handles it when challenged!

Wow good for you for sticking with it! it’s all about circs isn’t it. My ex sil walked naked into my brothers best mates bedroom when they first met and knelt by the bed naked and puked all over his best mate when drunk once and they had a long and happy marriage despite this 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Andoutcomethewolves · 16/04/2025 21:02

gamerchick · 16/04/2025 20:59

Did he lie and then scarper, hoping you wouldn't notice while leaving you to clean it up?

No, but he was initially adamant that it couldn't have been him as I think he honestly couldn't believe it. So I imagine if I'd said that I assumed it was sweat (obviously that wouldn't work for the shit aspect...) he would have just agreed

jodolun · 16/04/2025 21:03

His name isn't Christopher by any chance is it OP?

Anyway I dated a guy who did this all the fucking time, it was gross. We didn't actually go out that long as I ended it with him shortly after he pissed himself on my sofa and my bed and I made him buy me a new mattress. However we were in the same social circle for a while and it turned out he had a rep for it. Kind of a dick as well once you got to know him.

TheRobotsAreComing · 16/04/2025 21:05

Shameless comment to see the outcome 😬

Eggsboxedandmelting · 16/04/2025 21:05

Ime chefs do like a drink......
A lot of drink..

NewManIssue · 16/04/2025 21:05

jodolun · 16/04/2025 21:03

His name isn't Christopher by any chance is it OP?

Anyway I dated a guy who did this all the fucking time, it was gross. We didn't actually go out that long as I ended it with him shortly after he pissed himself on my sofa and my bed and I made him buy me a new mattress. However we were in the same social circle for a while and it turned out he had a rep for it. Kind of a dick as well once you got to know him.

No it’s not. Seems there are a lot of them about!

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 16/04/2025 21:06

Oh no, not a heavy drinking chef.....

NewManIssue · 16/04/2025 21:06

Eggsboxedandmelting · 16/04/2025 21:05

Ime chefs do like a drink......
A lot of drink..

My first career was as a chef… not my experience but I’m open to hear what he has to say.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 16/04/2025 21:07

Just caught up on this

no way a grown man will piss the bed and not know about it

good luck with chat @NewManIssue

Toothpastestain · 16/04/2025 21:07

A chef🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

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